


And A Five, Six, Seven, oh fuck.

by medusasleftnipple



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, F/F, Some Stereotypes, Some angst, Some hurt/comfort, theres NO eating disorders or actual harm or stuff dont worry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25141321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/medusasleftnipple/pseuds/medusasleftnipple
Summary: Catra and Adora were in the same foster home until they were eleven and Adora was adopted into the Moonstone family. Ballet was what bound them as children, but can it be enough to pull them back together now six years later? (spoiler, duh.) oh and they're rooMMATES. also lonnie appears because my love for her will never die.I rewatched all three seasons of dance academy last week, right after finishing She-Ra, and created this.It's a ballet dance au with some angst and a rating that may increase to mature.~~okay so maybe it got a lot more angst than i originally anticipated but the angst should be over by chapter 8/9 and we are back to ballet baby~~
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 41
Kudos: 163





	1. Catra Has The Worst Luck Ever Like Serious Give A Cat(ra) A Break

**Author's Note:**

> I missed writing and school's fucked so quarantine has brought us...THIS! Hope you like it, exes and ohs.
> 
> OH also they're all human I guess mostly because that's easier ballet-wise but catra's still pretty cat like..lithe and flexible and tiny gay little cat-esque.

Adora pulled a bobby pin from the cluster currently clenched between her teeth and sighed. Leave it to Glimmer to spray paint HER bobby pins pink. Especially when the girl had already been warned three times that the pink hair would have to be gone by performance season. Now Adora was left with bright pink bobby pins that were absolutely useless.

"Glimmer!" Adora groaned, her voice significantly muffled by the rest of the bobby pins.

Glimmer appeared over her shoulder in the mirror and laughed. "Oops! I must have put mine back in your jar."

Adora knitted her eyebrows together as she dropped the useless pin back on Glimmer's side of the dresser, designated by the now-faded strip of tape that they had put there back when they were eleven and hated each other. She finished pinning her hair and turned.

"I would make a joke about being glad to finally have a room away from you but I don't think I can handle that right now."

Glimmer gasped and dropped the leotard she was trying to shove into her bag. She leapt over a spare duffle and grabbed Adora's hands tightly. 

"Don't even JOKE about that! I'm going to miss you so much. Are you SURE we can't room together??"

Adora had to close her eyes against Glimmer's full pout. "I'm sure. Mom wants us to meet with other students anyway."

Adora let go of Glimmer's hands and took a slow spin around their room. The tape, which at one point had even split the wall and carpet in half (Glimmer had loudly declared the day she put it down that Adora was NOT allowed to 'excessively organize' Glimmer's side of the room), was now only on the dresser, the one place the two still fought over. 

Sure, Adora had been the most uptight eleven year old one could probably meet, but Glimmer likely could have handled the whole 'having a new foster kid in the house' slightly better. That didn't mean that by the time they hit middle school two years later they weren't thick as thieves though. And ballet had only brought them closer together. Where Adora shone in technique, Glimmer dominated in her facial expressions and no one else could make a piece come quite so alive.

Adora zipped up her bag and pulled one last photo off the wall above her bed, deciding to take it in the end. It was of her first day with her new family, her and Glimmer and Glimmer's parents, who over the years Adora had finally began to think of as her own parents. 

"I can't believe we're finally seventeen, officially first years!" she said, spinning around to show Glimmer.

"Ugh don't even. We've been after this for what, four years now?" Glimmer turned and grabbed the photo. "Aww! I can't believe I was ever so grouchy!" She deliberately ignored the side-eye Adora was currently giving her. "And wow you look so sad."

Adora tugged the photo back into her own hands, shrugging. "It was a big step you know."

"Yea I remember you missing some of the girls at your old foster home."

"Yea," Adora muttered as she carefully slid the photo into her bag. "We were close. But now you and I are finally going to spend the whole year at the academy!!"

Glimmer squealed and jumped onto her bed. "No more 'just summer intensives'!"

"No more math!" Adora cheered.

"Adora, we still have to go to real school during the year."

"No we're going to academy school," Adora said, jutting out her hip and putting on an accent.

"Oh my of course," Glimmer said, falling into the same act. "We will be learning 'lesser math'."

"Exactly!" Adora cried as she jumped down from the bed and grabbed her bag. "Now come on, I want to get there right when registration opens."

"A whole new world," Glimmer said excitedly, holding out her fist with the pinky extended.

Adora held out her own pinky and the two linked pinkies before tapping their fist to their own forehead and then lips. Their ritual.

"Okay," Adora said, squaring her shoulders. "Now we're ready." 

\------------------------------------

Catra didn't even really have to pack. When she won the scholarship to Brightmoon Ballet Academy, where the brightest go to dance or whatever their dumb tagline was, it had included everything. Full room and board, stipends for travel back and forth to home (ha), stipends for dancewear (greatly appreciated seeing how Catra had nearly nothing new and nothing that really fit the 'uniform' because really, why were plain black leotards NEVER the ones on clearance??), and the best part was it was year-round. 

Or maybe the best part was that she could now legally emancipate herself. Or almost. She turned seventeen in three days and that was the moment she would be at the courthouse with the papers. She had already quit her job, done the transfer work for school, and was ready to give a big fuck you to the foster home. She'd been here 15 years and the only good thing to ever come out of it was being put in ballet as a child and somehow being good enough to stay in ballet.

So when her bag consisted of her few meager possessions, at least she could say it'd be easy to carry. 

"Still can't believe you're going." 

Catra spun around and gave a sharp grin to the girl in her doorway. "Aw come on Lonnie, you won't miss me that much."

Lonnie turned and stuck her nose in the air, arms crossed. "Course not." 

Catra laughed and threw a balled up sock at Lonnie, which she promptly caught and flung back. 

"In three days you'll be free anyway."

"Yea but then what. I have nothing else going for me. It was either ballet academy or the streets. Plus you're not far behind. We've survived this long."

"It'll suck here without you, though. And then onto the, as you so eloquently put it 'the streets.'"

Catra looked up from her bag, "Hey. No feelings, remember?"

Lonnie rolled her eyes. "No feelings blah blah blah. It won't hurt you to admit you'll miss me."

"As if." 

Lonnie stared her down long enough that Catra let herself crack. After all, who knew when she'd see Lonnie next. Once she left she certainly wouldn't be able to come anywhere near the foster home for years. Her obligations would finally be over...she hoped.

"Okay fine. I'll miss you."

Lonnie cracked a smile and held her arm out for a quick side hug. "You'd better run before she gets home."

Catra nodded and peeked over Lonnie's shoulder before she held out her pinky, letting Lonnie link their pinkies together. Then they both brought their fists up to their own foreheads, then to their lips. 

"Good luck," Catra said as she slung her back over her shoulder and slipped past Lonnie.

"Could say the same to you." Lonnie said.

Catra looked back once before shaking her head and slipping out the door into the hot August sun. Luck. She certainly needed it.

\------------------------------------------------

Adora and Glimmer knew just how hectic the first day of summer intensive could be, with students, parents, teachers, and even siblings crowding the hallways. But nothing could have prepared them for how hectic the first day of year-round was. The halls were crammed and everyone had way more luggage than normal. It made sense though. Not everyone lived as close to the school as Glimmer and Adora, and while living on campus was mandatory for their age level, some girls likely wouldn't go home until winter break.

Adora held tight to her bags as she followed Glimmer's path through the crowds. Leave it to Glimmer to not be afraid to squish past people. Adora did her best to mutter apologies as she tried to keep up. 

They eventually made it to the first year senior level residency hall, which of course was printed out on no less than 8 paper signs. 

"Phew, we almost missed it." Adora said.

Glimmer looked up and rolled her eyes. "When mom said to put up signs last night she wasn't clear on where." 

"I think she may have meant leading up to the hall." Adora said with a laugh, "Rather than in a...cluster."

Glimmer huffed. "Well it doesn't matter now, and clearly people haven't had any trouble finding the area," Glimmer gestured around at the very full hall. "Now come on, I'm room 803."

They only had to shuffle two doors down before Glimmer slid a key into the lock and sighed gratefully as it turned.  
"I'll leave you here?" Adora asked, eager to put her own stuff down and meet her roommate. 

"Yea, room 811 right?" 

"Right. Come find me as soon as Bow says he's here. I want to get first day pictures."

"Sure, but his Dads will probably take forever saying goodbye to him."

Adora laughed, "He's the baby! They're sad!"

Glimmer huffed and pushed Adora down the hall a little. "Go! We'll plan it out later."

Adora turned and made her way down the rest of the hall alone. Normally she was glad for the windows in the hall, but the morning sun and the press of people made everything much hotter. She found her room and breathed a sigh of relief when she realized it was empty. 

Even with Glimmer, even before, Adora had always taken the left side of the room. It felt wrong to sleep against any other wall. She slung her bag onto the bed. The rooms on the eighth floor were older and a little smaller than the upper levels, but Adora didn't mind it. She had slept in much worse. She just hoped her new roommate would be a little neater than Glimmer.

As Adora unpacked she tried to take some calming breaths. For the past six years she had slept next to Glimmer's side. She didn't know what she'd do if she had to fall asleep alone. From the one time Glimmer had gone to a sleepover and left Adora home sick, it hadn't gone over well, and Adora's new parents had awoken to her curled up on the floor next to their bed. 

Adora laughed as she pinned up some of her pictures, even the awkward first picture. She had certainly come a long way.

By the time she finished an hour had gone by. It never took long for Glimmer to unpack, seeing as her method seemed to be throwing things into semi-normal places. Adora redid a couple of the pins in her bun and slipped her shoes on. Time to find her friends.

\----------------------------------------------------

Oh good, the right side was empty. That was Catra's side. Always had been, always should be. Her roommate was gone so Catra tossed her bag onto the bed. The letter she had been given along with her room assignment detailed that she would have to go to the office to get the rest of her stuff. She groaned. Of course the stipends would be heavily monitored. That meant she'd have to go on a shopping trip before class tomorrow. Stupid black fucking leotard. And it would still be all new and stiff and Catra wouldn't even have time to wash it. At least they had thought ahead to leave folded sheets and a blanket on her bed.

No pillow though.

She groaned loudly, glad that the loud thrum of voices outside drowned her own voice out. 

Without even bothering to unpack her bag she opened the top drawer of her dresser and slid it in. Boom, done. The room was nice. They had a small sink in one corner and Catra knew from Scorpia's very detailed stories of summer intensives that the bathrooms were just down the hall. Still more privacy than she was used to.

Bored, and not ready to deal with everything outside, Catra decide to check out her roommate. She raised an eyebrow when she saw how the bed was made with military-like precision. 

Catra turned slowly, who the fuck was this girl? Shiny new pointe shoes sat on the desk, classic mistake. The girl's feet would be torn to shreds if she didn't break those in. She had a fucking CD player for godssake and, dear god, the only two CDs propped up against it were both Taylor Swift, and not even the new stuff. Her desk was immaculately organized, with her books on one side and even her bobby pins, gold of course, lined up. 

Great, Catra thought. A fucking blonde. A look into the closet, which was ajar, showed numerous leotards hanging. Who hung their leotards?? There weren't many pictures hung above the bed so Catra had to walk over to see them better. Most featured three kids, a blonde girl, her face obscured in most by the other two either kissing her cheeks or squishing in so close that you could barely make out that- wait. 

Wait.

Wait.

Fuck.

Catra quickly scanned the photos until her eyes landed on one that was clearly older than all the others. The blonde girl wore a faded red jacket, the sleeves torn. She sat uncomfortably in front of two adults and next to a girl with the most massive pink bow in her hair Catra had ever seen and that contrasted incredibly with the girl's furious facial expressions. But Catra knew that jacket. Catra knew that pout. 

Catra took a couple unsteady steps backwards and prayed that her roommate would be the pink haired girl, please be the pink haired girl. 

The door creaked open and Catra whipped her head to the side, sweat prickling under her sweatshirt which was now WAY too hot to be wearing.

"I promise Glimmer, we'll meet Bow by the fountain in twenty minutes, I just need to grab my poloroid."

Catra was frozen. She had walked into the room backwards and now stood leaning against the doorframe, her head still in the hall. 

"Yes I KNOW but first day poloroids are important!"

Catra heard distant yelling and the girl groaned, closing the door and spinning around.

"Oh! Sorry I-"

She froze. Catra still hadn't moved. 

There were a couple tense seconds of silence. Enough that Catra contemplated how far the drop out the window was and whether or not she'd break her ankles if she dove right now.

"Catra." 

It was a statement, like everything else she used to say. Catra hadn't heard that voice in years. Six years to be exact. Six very long years. She took a breath.

"Hey, Adora."


	2. Are They Really Your Best Friends If They Don't Insert Themselves Into Every Aspect Of Your Life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like my chapter titles. I have almost as fun writing those as I do the actual story.
> 
> And with this (i hope) long chapter, i disappear for a week into the woods. Good news: can still write. bad news: will be slow to update.
> 
> Also i personally Do Not Like Entrapta so no, she will not be appearing in this fic--just a personal preference. (honestly it's her voice but i can hear their voices in my head when im typing dialogue and i just...cant do it)
> 
> also yea catras kind of bitchy and maybe im gonna hype lonnie up more than i should in future chapters but what can i say, they own my whole ass heart.

Catra can't fucking believe it. This girl still wears the same goddamn ponytail that she did when they were eleven. A ponytail that Adora was now tugging nervously at. 

"And they wanted me to room with new people," Adora muttered.

"What?" Catra snapped, pulling herself out of whatever haze the two had been uncomfortably standing in for far too long. The dull roar of the crowded hallway had faded to a buzz in Catra's ears. 

"Uh."

It's all Catra needs to snap into action. She juts her hip out and gives a laugh. "Fancy seeing you here, although honestly I should have expected it considering the bunhead you were."

"I didn't know you still danced." Adora stuttered out.

Catra grabbed her bag from the drawer, slamming it shut and making Adora flinch. Well some things didn't change. 

"Of course you didn't," Catra began softly. She saw Adora start to relax a little. "You never bothered to check in, so how could you."

Adora's soft smile fell, realizing she fell straight into the trap.

"Anyway, we can't all come with the leotard brigade so if you'll excuse me," Catra gestured towards the door Adora was still blocking. 

"Oh, right." She jumped to the side.

Catra brushed by her, yanking the door open as quickly as she could before slipping into the hall. Fuck. Somehow she still smelled the same.

Catra didn't feel like she could breathe until she was safely on the street. Once she had practically sprinted several blocks away she slowed to a normal walk and considered her options. All her worldly possessions were right here on her back. She didn't have to go back to Brightmoon...but then where would she go? She had days until she was 17. She could always wait it out, bunk with friends. But then what?

She couldn't go back to the home, Shadow Weaver would quite literally kill her. Scorpia's moms were out too, they'd ask too many questions. Fuck. Scorpia. Catra bit her lip and looked back the way she had come, she had totally forgotten to text Scorpia. 

They had met at a summer intensive last year, one of the few years that Scorpia hadn't gone to Brightmoon and that Catra had managed to sneak away to attend enough classes to be considered a student. Despite Catra's many attempts at ghosting, Scorpia had managed to remain her friend. Scorpia would be disappointed, to say the least, if Catra dropped out. 

Maybe she could room with Scorpia! Catra cursed herself for not considering it sooner. She remembered Scorpia asking her, many months ago when the letters had first arrived, but Catra hadn't even been sure she was going at the time and she wasn't about to hold Scorpia back from being actually happy.

Catra sighed and did an abrupt turn on the sidewalk, earning quite a few curses from those around her. She began a jog back to the academy, newly determined.

\-----

"What do you mean I can't switch?" Catra demanded, her nails cutting into the wood of the counter. 

The lady there let her eyes fall to Catra's clenched hand before going back up, and Catra made an effort to relax. 

"We can't just switch anyone we want on the first day."

"But!" 

"Oh Glenda, what seems to be the problem?" A slender woman glided out from the back office, and Catra took a step back. She recognized the woman as her face was on literally every brochure. Great, now she had pissed off the whole fucking owner of the academy.

"Ah, Mrs. Moonstone! This first year wants to switch rooms."

"No, I need to." Catra insisted.

The woman, Moonstone, frowned. "What room are you in? And please, Glenda, we've been over it. Angella's fine."

"811."

Another frown, "That's Adora's room. Are you sure something hasn't happened? It isn't like Adora to have already driven her roommate away, especially have she put up with Glimmer for all those years." Angella laughs and Glenda seems all too willing to join in.

"Adora's my daughter," Angella explained. "And if there really is an issue we can start a switch, but perhaps I can talk to her-"

"No," Catra cuts in. Of course of course of course this is how it goes down. Fucking Adora gets fucking adopted by the leader of a goddamn ballet company and Catra got, well she got Shadow Weaver.

"It's fine," Catra continued. "Wouldn't want to upset your kid. I'll just, uh, get the scholarship vouchers. I need stuff for tomorrow. I'll deal with the rest of it."

Angella smiled, "Of course. We were very impressed Catra, I chose you as the scholarship recipient myself. I hope you do grow to be more comfortable here." Her delicate eyebrows pinched together. "And if something is wrong with Adora,"

"Like I said, it's fine." Catra swiped the card off the counter and half listened to Glenda explain which stores they could be used at.

"Great, thanks," Catra said as she gave a final nod and hurried back out into the hot sun, the heavy weight of Angella's gaze on her the whole way.

\---------------

It turns out Catra probably should have read the Brightmoon handbook, or at least the uniform section, because there were a LOT of requirements. More than she'd ever have. She needed different clothes for ballet, jazz, and character. Different shoes too. She groaned, following the very knowledgeable shop keeper around as he pulled different things out for her. 

Multiple black leotards, plus a forest green one to indicate her level. Catra grit her teeth at that. Two fucking uniforms. New pink tights, a long skirt for character, a forest green rehearsal tutu, the costs themselves made Catra start to sweat. But the card she handed over covered it all, and the shop keeper signed off the slip that Catra had to return to the front, guaranteeing that everything she bought was approved.

She stopped for food and then by the local pharmacy as well for new toiletries as she had to leave most of them behind for Lonnie. By the time she stepped back out it was dark and curfew was fast approaching. She cursed and hurried back to the academy, slipping in and handing off her signed slip. 

She pulled out her phone and answered one of the 58 text messages Scorpia had left, assuring her that she did indeed get to the academy safely and that she had everything she needed. 

And then it was time; back to the dorm. Back to Adora. Catra slowed as she approached, but the light under the door was off and after pressing a sensitive ear to the frame, she heard no movement inside. She risked peeking in; nothing. 

Catra put all her new things away as fast as possible and finally took the time to pull out the clothes she had also brought along. Her hands froze when she reached a tshirt buried at the very bottom of the bag. An extra-large, extra soft, and extra old soft Nirvana tshirt that she and Lonnie, and before that Adora, had constantly fought over. As kids it practically swallowed them whole, but now hung comfortable and loose on her frame. 

Lonnie had possession of it last, and Catra had been okay to leave it behind, but fucking Lonnie had to sneak it in to her bag. Catra scrubbed at her nose, she was NOT sentimental. But she carefully folded the shirt away anyway. 

She heard the key turn in the lock and she froze, her hands clenching tightly on the dresser drawer.

"GoodNIGHT Glimmer!"

Didn't Adora realize how thin these walls were? Catra said a quick thank you that the doors were so thin and it gave her time to hide. She turned to her bed, ready to dive under the covers and pretend to be asleep but, of course. The sheets were still folded as neatly on the edge of the bed as they had been left. Catra cursed and instead turned to grab her shower caddy, planning to slip out as soon as she could.

The door opened and in walked Adora, that same stupid surprised expression again on her face.

"Oh! Catra." She laughed, "I thought I imagined it earlier, but, here you are."

"Yep, here I am, and now I have to go, shower and all."

Catra moved to brush by Adora again but Adora caught her arm and Catra jumped back like she had been shocked. Surely Adora hadn't been gone long enough to realize that grabbing her arm was absolutely a bad idea.

"Sorry!" Adora exclaimed. Her hand flew back from Catra's arm. "Sorry."

Catra stayed frozen. 

"I can, uh I can ask my- I can ask if they'll move me to a different room."

Catra laughed sharply. "Oh you mean you can ask your mom?" She threw the word like a knife towards Adora. "Don't bother, I've already asked. She seemed shocked that her perfect daughter couldn't handle a new roommate."

"Oh, I'm sorry if she was mad."

Catra yanked the door open, causing Adora to stumble backwards. "Mad? You've forgotten what true anger looks like, Adora." And then she was gone.

Adora sighed and looked back towards the room. She could see dark shapes hanging in Catra's closet, so at least she was staying for now. 

Adora's hands shook a little as she pulled her camera out of her bag and set it on the desk, right in its designated spot. She tried to take deep calming breaths. She wanted to run right to Glimmer's arms but she knew she had to do this, even if it meant sleeping in here alone tonight. Okay well, maybe not even then but still. But she was grown now, she had to act it. 

Adora had brushed her teeth, changed into pajamas, and sent Glimmer a bunch of 'miss you!' texts by the time that Catra returned to the room, her hair damp and smelling so much like Catra that Adora suddenly found it hard to breathe. She was wearing soft looking sleep shorts and a shirt. The door banged shut and Adora jumped. Catra raised an eyebrow at her.

Adora quickly looked back down to her phone, which kept pinging with Glimmer's pleas to have a sleepover and her promises that her roommate wouldn't mind. Adora couldn't help but laugh softly. She'd met Glimmer's roommate and she highly doubted that fact.

Adora snuck a quick look back up. Catra was now making her bed, pulling the sheets tight. With a final 'no' text, Adora silenced her phone and slid it onto her own dresser. Catra had finished with the bed and was staring at it, hands on her hips.

"Where's your pillow?" Adora asked.

Catra looked up, startled. "I don't have one."

"You didn't bring one?"

Catra looked at Adora like her entire last brain cell had officially glitched out. "Do you really think I was allowed to take anything that I didn't personally buy? Besides one of the littles wanted it."

Adora frowned, "She's, she's still taking in kids?" Oh fuck. Catra's look got worse.

"Yes? Did you think she'd just, stop? It's free money for her."

"I'm sorry I-. I'm sorry." 

Catra scoffed at that and Adora sighed. "Look Catra can we just,"

"No," Catra said, pulling out her phone. She wanted to text Scorpia but hesitated, knowing the only pillow she likely brought was that special one for her neck.

"Okay well, do you want my pillow?"

Catra looked up, "You only have one."

"Yea but Glimmer, my uh. My sister, she has like five and I know I can convince her to spare one."

Catra hesitated for far too long. But at least it gave Adora a chance to look her over. Catra had always been slim but now she was strong and lithe, her back tall in a way Adora didn't often remember seeing. 

"Just for tonight," Catra finally craved.

Adora couldn't help the smile that took over her face. "Sure, just for tonight." She grabbed the pillow, covered in her pale yellow sheets with the little daisies on them, which of course Catra scoffed at, and tossed it over. 

"I'm going to go swing by Glimmer's then."

"Sure," Catra said, tossing the pillow down and flopping down after it.

"Okay, be back soon." Adora paused but got no response. She slipped out the door and closed it quietly behind her. She did her best to speed down the hall and get the pillow from Glimmer without much complaining, but still by the time she got back Catra was fast asleep. 

Adora sighed and did her best to get comfortable on the much too soft bed. She had been worried about falling asleep without Glimmer's soft snores, which were so familiar now that they felt like white noise in the background, but Catra's soft breathing felt just as soothing and before drifting off to sleep Adora made herself a promise that tomorrow she would try harder. 

\-------------------------------------------------

When Adora woke up Catra was gone. She huffed, that was new. For the ten years they lived together, it was always a dreaded chore to be the one tasked with getting Catra out of bed. And now the clock read 5:30 am and Catra was nowhere to be seen.

Adora tried to push the thought out of her mind and pulled on a sports bra and shorts. She needed to be able to get a workout in before class, her core had suffered in the short weeks between when summer intensive ended and fall classes began.

She slipped quietly out her door and was grateful to see Glimmer already standing in the hall and ready, although the poor girl didn't even look awake.

"How'd you sleep?" Glimmer murmured as Adora wrapped an arm around her shoulders and steered her down the hall.

"Well enough. How's your roommate?" 

"Snores. SO loudly."

"Bet ya miss me," Adora teased.

Glimmer slumped further into Adora's side. "I'd take your yelling at me about my mess over the snoring any way."

Adora laughed and led them to the fifth floor, where the academy housed a pretty decent workout room. Even better, a lot of the equipment and posters on the wall were specifically geared for the ballet dancers, and allowed them to strengthen muscles that class often neglected.

Bow was already at one of the stations, doing his pre-warm up stretches. He wrapped the girls into a tight hug before letting them go, Glimmer wobbling on her feet.

"This is IT! I am SO excited and what better way than to start the day the workout way!" He struck a pose and Adora couldn't help put push her finger into his exposed side.

Bow yelped and jumped away. "I'm ticklish!"

That at least woke Glimmer a little. "Okay," she said, stretching her arms high above her in a huge yawn. "Let's get this over with so I can get to the real gem of the morning; breakfast."

"Breakfast," Adora and Bow sighed wistfully.

\------------------------

Catra couldn't help but laugh when her eyes shot open just after five in the morning. The first day she could actually sleep in, unhindered, and her body wouldn't even allow that. She cringed and turned towards Adora's side of the room, fully expecting her to be wide awake. But instead the girl was sprawled out across the entire bed, her covers pushed aside, her pillow pressed up against the wall. 

Catra slipped out of bed and into her running clothes, pulling her sneakers on after. She slid into the hall and was nearly out the front door before Scorpia caught up to her.

"Catra! Ready for our best mates morning run?"

Catra groaned. "Are we really still doing that?"

"Yea! Every morning!" 

Catra rolled her eyes as she stretched out her legs.

"Unless, of course, you don't want to do it anymore. You know, moving up in the world with winning the scholarship and all." Scorpia rubbed the back of her neck, suddenly shy.

"No, dumbass." Catra said, shoving at her friend. "I'm glad we're still running buddies. And they only gave me that scholarship because they knew I had no money, not because I was the best."

"Well that's not what the forms said but anyway, want to stop by my moms' on the way back? They said they'd make their famous First Day Power Breakfast for us and save us from one more meal in the mess hall."

"Are you sure?" Catra asked as she led them out the door and set the slow pace on the sidewalk, headed towards their favorite park. "We were just there the other night for dinner."

"Absolutely. I think they really miss us always hanging around there. And of course miss you since you were working so much this past year."

"Yea, well. Two days until emancipation."

"You always have a home and support system with us, Catra."

Catra was silent for a moment before deciding it was the perfect time to double their pace.

\-------------------------

Class was starting in five minutes, the dancers were already standing at the barre, ready to go, and there was no sign of Catra. Adora bit at her lip and Glimmer nudged their feet together.

"Hey, don't worry! This semester is going to be great, and we'll make the best party guests this year's nutcracker has ever seen!"

Adora laughed. It was a notable thing that first years were always stuck to party guests and soldiers in the year-end production. "I'm not worried about class."

Glimmer pretended to be shocked, but Adora assumed it wasn't all pretend. "Adora?? Not having her famous first day jitters?"

Adora rolled her eyes and turned to face Glimmer. "I'm worried because my roommate isn't here."

"The rude one?" Glimmer asked, raising an eyebrow. "Oh yea," she said at Adora's confused look. "I heard from Glenda down at the front all about how she was already begging to switch rooms."

Adora's look of confusion slid into a pout. "She was?"

"Yea! So what did you even do to her??"

"Nothing!" Adora insisted, a beat too late.

Glimmer narrowed her eyes in suspicion. The teacher walked in and they all suddenly turned to face the front. "Oh I'll get it out of you. Give me 'til the end of the day."

\--------------------------

Catra had just meant to take a teeny tiny cat nap after her big breakfast at Scorpia's and it had turned into oversleeping and then frantically ripping open the packaging on her new tights and shoes. Her hair was in what could barely qualify as a bun as she raced down the stairs and to the practice floors. She slowed her steps as she got closer, knowing from experience that it was far better to slip quietly into class than to just barge in. 

She stood outside for a moment, watching the combination, and right when the teacher's back was turned she slipped through the door, slid her bag against the wall, and stepped right into a plie, her arm already following the movement of the girl in front of her.

Catra let out a breath. Piece of cake. 

She tried to push the fact that she had nearly ruined everything good she had going for her out of her mind and focus on the steps. Soon the barres were pushed away and they began pointe. Catra didn't have time to sew her new shoes together but luckily her old ones still had a little bit of life left in them. 

She wound up next to Scorpia for center work, and Catra finally felt herself relax.

Of course, there was Adora and that pink haired girl again, just a couple of dancers away. The pink haired girl missed a step and nearly stumbled into Adora, who suppressed a smile as she tried to nudge the girl back into place. Both stifled quiet giggles and Catra couldn't help but glare. The pink haired girl caught her eye and immediately her expression hardened and she turned her chin away.

'Great,' Catra thought. Adora was friends with the same ballet bitches that made their childhood years a living hell at the studio. But that was then and this was now, and on the next combination Catra made sure to position herself as far away from the pair as possible. 

Lunch was the next big hurdle, but before Catra could even try to act cool and unaffected, Scorpia had grabbed her hand and tugged her down the hall, explaining that she had already poured over all the options and while they were different from what was offered over summer, they were pretty much the same. 

"I've never spent the summer here," Catra reminded her with a growl.

"Even better!" Scorpia explained.

It took them the majority of their lunch time to even pick something out, which stemmed entirely from Scorpia's own indecisiveness.

Catra said, picking at the vegetables on her plate, and scanned the room.

"Okay, Scorpia," she said, abandoning her fork and leaning back in her chair. "So you spent all three junior summers here. What can you tell me about the place?"

"Oooo I'm great at this!" 

Catra half listened as Scorpia pointed out nearly every student, explaining more about them and what they were best at. 

"And Mermista, I just wow! Girl has no emotions off the stage, but she gets nearly every heavily emotional part because on stage she can bring it. It's like she saves them all up for those five minutes."

"Huh. I didn't realize so many people, returned." She sat back upright and picked up her fork again.

"Oh but don't worry!" Scorpia assured her. "Just because they were here before doesn't mean they're the best."

"Yea," Catra trailed off. She heard loud laughter and looked past Scorpia's shoulder to where Adora (of course) and some other students sat. Adora was   
double over, clutching her stomach and laughing as the boy next to her turned redder and redder. "And who's that?" Catra asked, pointing.

Scorpia turned entirely around in her seat to check, and not for the first time Catra cursed her friend's lack of subtlety. 

"That's who we call the big three, and only because they have literally been here forever and also the whole school went through a Percy Jackson phase in second year junior level."

Catra's face remained blank.

"Have you never read Percy Jackson?!?" Scorpia asked with a gasp.

"No," Catra said, yanking her hand out of Scorpia's grasp. "And it sounds like a kids book so I don't want to read it. What's up with the 'big three'?" She made air quotes around the words and Scorpia laughed.

"They're nice, actually. Can be a little closed off at times but that's just because Glimmer, the one with the pink hair, is always so worried about people hating her because her mom runs the school. Her sister, the blonde one, is much more relaxed."

Catra raised an eyebrow without meaning to. Adora? Relaxed? As if. 

"I know!" Scorpia explained, misreading the situation. "They really don't look alike at all. But Adora's adopted. It was all the talk back when first year of minis started."

"God," Catra groaned. "How many fucking dance levels does this school have?"

"Oh well there's minis, which is eleven to-"

"Forget it," Catra said. "What about the other two?"

"Oh that's Bow and this guy we all call Sea Hawk, long story. Bow is super nice, he's kind of like Glimmer's opposite, warm right off the bat, my kind of guy! And Sea Hawk is, a lot."

Catra didn't need to ask Scorpia to explain further because at that moment Sea Hawk had decided to get onto his chair and place one foot on the table.

"Adooooorraa! The most Adora-ble one heree! The shining blonde queen of my heaaarrrrt!"

Now it was Adora's turn to turn red as Bow started laughing. Adora swatted at Sea Hawk's leg several times, trying to get him to sit down. Her eyes scanned the mess hall, embarrassed, and they froze when they landed on Catra's. Catra ripped her own gaze away and began picking up her trash. 

"Well I've had enough of this. I'll see you in the studio in ten." Without giving Scorpia time to respond, Catra was already gone.

\----------------------------------------------------

First day of classes were always brutal and there was nothing more than Adora wanted to do but relax. But she couldn't relax if all this worry about Catra was still bounding around in her brain. So, before relaxing, she needed to confront her friend. Or, former friend. Ugh.

As soon as the dancers were released for the day she began furiously untying her shoes in an attempt to leave at the same time as Catra, but by the time she had them off and looked up, the girl was gone.

"Fuck," Adora mumbled. 

Glimmer flopped down onto the floor next to Adora, breathing heavily. "You," she said between gasps, "have some explaining to do."

"Me?!" Adora exclaimed, helping her friend sit up and offering her what was left of Adora's water bottle. 

"Yea!" Glimmer said, gasping. "What on Etheria is the deal between you and your roommate? And what is up with her hair??"

Adora scoffed, "You're one to talk."

Glimmer's eyes narrowed. "You do not want to antagonize me right now."

Bow slid into place next to them, having come back from where the boys were rehearsing their own choreography. "Oooo what are we antagonizing Glimmer about?"

"Nothing," Adora said at the same time that Glimmer answered.

"What the beef is between Adora and her roommate."

Adora rolled her eyes. 

"Yea what is up with that?" Bow asked, rolling onto his stomach and propping his chin up in his hands. Adora's face softened at the sight. "I saw her glaring   
daggers at us at lunch. Seems like she could be the glass in the pointe shoes type."

"She's not," Adora said automatically. Well. That certainly got their attention.

"And, just how do you know that?" Glimmer asked very pointedly, her head tilting in a way that had Adora completely creeped out.

"Uh."

"Yea, Adora," Bow chimed in, matching Glimmer's tone. "How do you know that?"

"Just a vibe I get!" 

Glimmer and Bow exchanged a quick glance.

"That's it!" Glimmer declared, hauling Adora to her feet while Bow grabbed their bags. "Super secret best friends squad place it is!" 

"You mean the roof?" Adora asked, unamused.

"SHHH!" Bow exclaimed as he pushed her towards the door. 

"Guys I really want to shower and I promise there is nothing going on."

They had reached the door of the stairwell and Glimmer began leading them up, Bow pushing Adora from behind.

"Really?" Glimmer asked, her voice light and innocent. "Because Catra is a mighty unique name, and as far as I remember, wasn't that girl you used to live with also named, Catra?"

Adora fumbled and missed a step. 

"Thought so," Glimmer said smugly. "And of course the only thing to do is drag you to the roof and force you to tell us what's going on because bottling your feelings up for years is not good Adora!" She bounded up the rest of the stairs and Adora sighed.

"You don't have to tell us you know," Bow said as they hurried after Glimmer. 

"No, it's fine. It's the only way she'll get anything out of me anyway. Let's just do this."

The roof was, and always had been, their place. Since they were twelve and first arrived at the academy, knees weak, hips turned in, buns sloppy. Well, Glimmer's had been. Adora had never worn a sloppy bun in her life and she wasn't about to start. 

The roof was the place that Adora had finally felt fully accepted into Glimmer's tight bond with Bow, and the place where they had finally begun to feel like sisters. 

In junior years it was where they cursed out their teachers and the other students and where Glimmer cried after she realized Bow was, indeed, allowed to make other friends.

In short, it was their therapy couch.

And now Adora stood, hands splayed over the short brick wall surrounding the roof, staring at the city. She could hear Glimmer and Bow shifting behind her but knew they would wait until she turned around, until she was ready. 

She took a breath. It was time anyway. Glimmer was right; it wasn't good to carry things inside her for so long. 

She walked over to where the three usually sat and unfolded the blanket they kept tucked inside an empty bin. Glimmer and Bow followed her lead and sat down so the three formed a small triangle. They crossed their legs and each took on of Adora's hands. 

"Okay, so, Glimmer. Remember how when I first arrived I was, a mess, to say the least."

Glimmer laughed softly. "Adora you cried for weeks. You would just stare at us with these big eyes and never asked for anything. Ballet was really the only place I ever saw you look like you were really enjoying yourself. We weren't even supposed to share a room! You just refused to sleep anywhere else."

"Yea well, mostly that was because you know at the foster home we had six kids in a room, and so it was just,"

"Hard to sleep alone," Glimmer finished for her. "I know." She gave Adora's hand a soft squeeze.

"Right, well, it wasn't just that it was hard to sleep alone. I mean it was, how was I supposed to fully trust your house? Even though your parents were so nice and kind, I knew that nice and kind could just be a really well-placed front. At the home, we had to stick together. I was rarely even alone and most of the time I spent with my best friend in the world there."

"Catra?" Glimmer asked.

"Yea," Adora said with a sigh, ignoring Bow's small gasp. "Catra."

"The Catra?" Bow asked.

"The very one. And we did absolutely everything together. We all had these bunk beds, three to a room, and Catra had my top bunk but we used to sneak into each other's bunks to each other how we would run away and what kind of lives we would live once we were free. We started ballet together because our foster mom wanted everyone out of the house, and she thought ballet would like, break Catra or something. She was pretty much feral when we were kids." 

Adora paused and laughed. "It was the best. But Ms. Weaver, our foster mom, absolutely hated it. She didn't really like any of us, but Catra got the absolute worst of it. Every time I tried to do something good, it's like she would punish Catra for not being better. By the time we were eleven it was getting so much worse and then your parents showed up Glimmer and, I just thought it would be better if I left, so I did."

"You just left Catra there?" Bow asked his eyes wide and shining.

"I mean I didn't see it as that way at first. I thought I was protecting her. She had everyone else too, was close to one of the other girls, she was supposed to be fine without me there." Adora finally let go of her friends' hands and curled her arms around her knees. 

"But I did just leave her," she continued. "Your mom tried to set us up like a play date or something. But Catra didn't want to see me. I thought it must have just been Weaver messing with us again, she always hated that we were so close, so I even snuck back to the house one night."

Glimmer gasped. 

"Yea Glimmer you were a really heavy sleeper. But I snuck back and threw rocks at our window until Lonnie, one the girls there, appeared and said that Catra wasn't even there. I got the hint and never went back. I tried to hang around our old spots but your mom said it was dangerous to keep wandering the city alone and after two years I just, gave up. If Catra had wanted to be found, I would have found her by then."

"Oh Adora," Glimmer breathed, taking her friend's hand back. "I'm so sorry, I never even realized."

Adora sniffled, "Well if Weaver taught us anything, it was how to not have emotions."

"Imagine how Catra must feel now," Bow wondered, "to have lived with that woman her whole life. No wonder she's so...much."

Adora glared.

"I mean 'much' in a not-bad way!" Bow insisted, throwing his hands up.

"Yea well, she's probably mad at me still for something. It was just so confusing. Did she miss me or did she never want to see me again? If she hated me so much for leaving, why didn't she ever come to find me?"

"It probably just hurt too much," Bow said.

Adora sighed and leaned back against the wall. "And now here we are, both at the best ballet academy in the country, and all the pressure that itself brings, and she's my goddamn roommate."

"Quite the pickle indeed," Bow said, leaning his head against Adora's shoulder.

"But this could be good!" Glimmer insisted, rising to her knees.

Adora raised an eyebrow.

"She's back in your life now, for better or worse, and maybe you two can fix things now!"

"Never thought I'd see the day where Glimmer is advocating for bringing someone into our group." Adora said skeptically.

"She means a lot to you!" Glimmer cried, throwing her hands up. "And I remember how sad you were when you first arrived. You were like, destroyed. It really hurt because I thought you just hated us but then I realized you were missing your family."

The three were silent for a moment.

"So!" Bow exclaimed, clapping his hands together and making the other two jump. "Time to start operation Get Catra To Join the Best Friend Squad!"

Glimmer laughed and put her hand in the middle, "I'm in."

"Me too, but we have to tread carefully. I can't ruin this anymore than I already have."

"Agreed!" Bow pumped their three hands down once. "Operation commence!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen to billy joel's the stranger album. it's my favorite. scenes from an italian restaurant SLAPS.


	3. Secrets Are Only Secrets If You Can Actually Keep Them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok what's the feel, keep posting 7k word chapters or keep it to 3-4k word chapters???
> 
> i greatly enjoyed the mountains and im angry that im back. 
> 
> missed you all, hope you like it  
> it's gonna get like, sterotypically angsty so i added some angsty tags

Despite her reluctance, Catra let Scorpia come back to her dorm room. 

"Okay, so I know you have a 'thing' against decorating, but I brought you some photos of us!" Scorpia excitedly held out the pictures towards Catra and motioned with her other hand to Catra's very empty corkboard on the wall, nailed in place and un-removable (Catra had already tried).

"Oh, thanks," Catra said, feeling a slight blush creep up her cheeks.

"All the other students have them and you can finally make your half of the room however you want! Oh and," Scorpia paused to wrestle something big and bulky out the bag on her shoulder. "My moms dropped this off for you earlier today."

She unfurled a deep burgundy blanket. It was soft and new and everything Catra wasn't used to.

"They were doing their lesbian target run and saw it and figured it'd help make your room a little comfier. Want me to put it on your bed?"

This was, decidedly, too much. Catra managed to nod and step aside so Scorpia could carefully tuck the corners in, just as Catra liked. She stepped back when she was done and let her gaze wonder over to Adora's side of the room.

"Wow, your roommate makes her bed as neat as you do."

And that was officially too far. "Uh yea, weird coincidence. Anyway thanks for the photos."

"Oh yea!" Scorpia exclaimed, bringing her attention back to Catra. "Let's pick out some of your favs."

Catra sat directly on the floor, still not comfortable with just, resting, on a bed. Luckily Scorpia followed her lead. Catra spread the photos out and took them in for a moment. She had met Scorpia when they were both fourteen and Catra had applied to work at her moms' bookstore. They had seen right through Catra's bullshit application claiming to be 16 years old, but had given her hours anyway. 

"This one is my favorite," Scorpia said, scooping up one photo that had to have been a year after they met. The two were standing on a bridge looking out over the ducks that frequented a nearby pond. Scorpia was pointing at something in the distance and Catra was actually laughing for once. She looked carefree and happy. 

"Yea, mine too," Catra said softly, setting that one aside.

They went through and picked out a couple more. Catra's other favorite was from the first year they knew each other. They were both wearing tshirts from the bookstore and Catra looked downright murderous. It had been summer and a nearby kid had hit Catra with a waterballoon before she had realized what was going on. Her hair was wet and matted down, while Scorpia's own wet hair was shorter then and stuck out at odd angles. 

"Ah yes," Scorpia had said when Catra picked that one up. "Our two personalities."

In the end Catra picked out seven different photos and tried to hand the rest back.

"Oh no," Scorpia said, pushing Catra's hand away. "Those are yours to keep. My moms made the copies just for you.

"Oh," Catra said, carefully sliding them into her empty desk drawer. "Thanks."

She reluctantly crawled onto her bed to pin the photos up, ignoring Scorpia's suggestion to pin them in the shape of a heart. 

Once she was done the two pulled out their dance history homework. Ballet was fun and all, but the school was still a school during the academic months, and Scorpia was determined to get good grades. Catra was determined to get the bare minimum required to keep her scholarship.

It was nearing dinnertime and Catra could hear Scorpia's stomach alerting them to that fact when the door to their room finally clicked open and in tumbled Adora. She was still wearing her leotard from their last dance class and Catra wrinkled her nose. That was over two hours ago. Gross.

"Oh, sorry," Adora said, as she slid her bag off.

"No worries!" Scorpia exclaimed, reaching behind her to shake Adora's hand. "I remember you from the junior years. I'm Catra's best friend," Scorpia said, pointed to Catra's newly adorned board.

"Yea, Scorpia, hi." Adora's eyes followed Scorpia's line to the board. Catra couldn't help but noticed that her face seemed to fall a bit. Ugh. Prick. Was Catra not even allowed to be happy now?

"I just came to change and then head to dinner," Adora said, already pulling clothes out of her drawer.

"We were heading to dinner soon too! Would you like to join us?"

Catra reached out to slap Scorpia's leg a beat too late and Adora noticed the look that passed between the two of them.

"Oh, no that's okay. I usually eat with Glimmer and Bow anyway."

"That's okay," Scorpia said. "They can come too!"

Catra muffled her groan and dug her pencil into her notebook a little harder. No way was Scorpia this oblivious. She had to be doing it on purpose.

"Really?" Adora asked. Catra hated how hopeful she sounded. "I'm sure they'd love to, just give us like, twenty minutes?"

"Perfect, right Catra?" Scorpia said, finally turning back to Catra.

"Yea," Catra muttered, scrubbing her eraser a little too aggressively on the paper. "Perfect."

\---------------------------------

Exactly eighteen minutes later Adora stood in Glimmer's room, urging her to hurry the fuck up.

"I need time Adora! We aren't all equipped to shower in under five minutes!" 

"That's irrelevant!" Adora exclaimed. "We need to go, I don't want to miss out on this!" 

Bow peered over at Adora from where he was lounging on Glimmer's bed. "You sound a little upset, is everything okay?"

"What? Yea." Adora said, uncrossing her arms. "I just never realized that Scorpia was so close to Catra. And judging from their pictures it looks like it's been years. How do they know each other anyway?"

"Scorpia?" Bow asked, sitting up further. "Pretty sure Catra's the girl she always talks about."

At Adora's blank face Bow sighed. "Adora, do you ever listen to anything other people say?"

Adora scoffed, "Yes!"

Even Glimmer paused to shoot Adora a look at that.

"Well anyway," Bow continued. "Scorpia has had this friend since we started junior years who works at her moms' bookstore with her." Bow pulled something up on his phone and handed it to Adora. "Here, it's right on Scorpia's instagram."

Adora looked down at the phone in her hand. It was a post from a couple of months back. The cheerful caption read 'Nearly four years of friendship!' with a bunch of heart and sparkle emojis. There were several photos to scroll through, clearly a 'through the years thing.' Adora felt something uncomfortably close to sadness pull at her chest as she took in the photo of a Catra only a year or two older than when Adora left, clearly well into her awkward tween years. 

"Well," she said, handing the phone back to Bow. "All the more reason to get to know them now."

"Okay I'm ready!" Glimmer yelled, sliding her wallet into her back pocket.

"Finally," Adora sighed, yanking the door open. 

\-------------------------- 

The dinner was definitely awkward, to say the least. Adora stared at Catra, Catra glared at Glimmer, which caused Glimmer to glare back, and Bow and Scorpia handled 99% of the conversation. When Catra's phone pinged three times in rapid succession about twenty minutes in, Adora couldn't help but feel a little relieved.

Adora watched Catra's face scrunch together a little as she read the messages. Catra sighed and stood, pushing the rest of her food in Scorpia's direction. 

"I gotta go," she mumbled, more towards Scorpia than anyone else.

"Really? You haven't finished eating." Scorpia sat up in concern.

"Uh yea, emergency." Catra mumbled. "You can finish it. And keep your phone on." 

The last part was said quietly but Adora heard it anyway. Catra sighed before turning abruptly and hurrying out the door.

"Is she okay?" Bow asked, leaning towards Scorpia.

Scorpia laughed and rubbed the back of her neck. "Oh yea! Of course! She just gets like that sometimes."

The rest of the dinner was uneventful even though Bow and Scorpia hit it off an incredible amount. Adora trudged back to her dorm after, brushing off Glimmer and Bow's offer to do homework together.

The dorm was empty when she got back, and Adora cast a longing look towards Catra's side. Determined to put the girl out of her mind for now, she pulled out her still undone school work and got to work.

\---------  
Adora woke with a start, a notebook page sticking to her cheek as she yanked her head up. She groaned and checked her phone, 1%, 3:42 am. She cast a quick look over to Catra's side but it's empty, the bed still tucked in tight.

Adora quickly stacked up her work and rubbed at her burning eyes. Damn contacts. She plugged in her phone before it could die on her and ran through her options. Not only was Catra blatantly breaking curfew, but it's dangerous for her to be out in the city so late. Adora thinks of texting Scorpia but realized she doesn't have her number. She could pull up her instagram and message her, but that seems to be too much.

Hit with the sudden thought, Adora pulled up instagram and typed in 'catra'. A couple results come up and one looks promising. She clicks it and it looks to be correct. Right girl at least. Catra only had five pictures posted, all in locations that give absolutely nothing away. Seems she remembered the lessons on the 'evils of technology' that Weaver always gave them as kids.

Adora clicked off her lamp and pulled out her contacts before climbing into bed. She unlocks her phone and clicks onto Catra's profile again, her finger hovering over the message button. She's about to tap it when she hears a muffled thump from outside. With a yelp Adora shoves her phone under her pillow to hide the light and closes her eyes, evening out her breathing. 

There's a creak and she opens her eyes just a sliver. The window, which Adora hadn't even noticed had been slightly cracked the entire time, is now pushed upward. Adora clenches her hand around her phone, ready to chuck it at the intruder, but the body that enters is small and distinctive. Catra.

Adora continues to feign sleep and watches as Catra climbs through the window with a soft grown. She lands on the ground and presses one hand to her side while the other pushes the window closed. It's only then that Adora remembers they're eight entire floors up. How the fuck- Wait. Catra's mumbling something.

Catra's steps are shuffled and uneven as she plugs in her phone and bends down to pull off her shoes. She groans again, her hand going to the same spot on her side, as she stands up. 

Adora's hand clenches. She's clearly hurt. Catra grabs a bag off her dresser and slips into the hall. The moment the door closes Adora sits up. Catra left her phone right there, she could just-no. She can't. She's trying to be friends with Catra again, not completely destroy her trust. With a sigh Adora sinks back down. 

It feels like forever, but the clock tells her it's just fifteen minutes later, that Catra comes back. Adora can tell she's changed and showered. Catra taps at her phone for a moment and with the light of the screen Adora can see that her face is absolutely drained. It pulls at Adora's heart.

Catra lets out a loud sigh before tossing the phone down and turning over onto her stomach, face away from Adora. She shifts for a moment before getting comfortable, legs and arms tucked in tight. Finally relaxed, Adora lets herself fall back asleep.

\---------------------

Even though there was no way Catra was asleep before four am, when Adora's alarm goes off at 6:30, the girl is already gone. Her bed is sharply made, as usual, and everything else looks to be right. Adora notices that even her backpack is gone. Catra clearly has no plans to come back anytime soon. Adora sighs and sets off to her own day.

Adora doesn't realize how tense she is until they step into their morning ballet class and she sees Catra already there at the bar, laughing at something Scorpia is saying. Adora eyes her but sees nothing different. Her late night adventures have left her seemingly unaffected.

Adora does her best to focus in class, and the class after, and at lunch, and in their afternoon lessons. But her eye is on Catra the whole time. She's so tense that when Glimmer brushes her shoulder in the locker room as they're changing for their evening dance class, she jerks away with a gasp.

"Are you okay?" Glimmer asks, grabbing her cheeks in both hands and turning Adora's head different ways. 

"Yea," Adora says, tugging her head out of Glimmer's grip. "Just roommate stuff."

Glimmer's eyebrows raise. She'd never been able to perfect Adora's ability to raise just one. "That is a very loaded answer giving your current situation."

Adora groans and reaches into her locker for extra bobby pins. Glimmer had taken her other ones. Again.

"I'm just worried about her."

"Mhm and why is that?" Glimmer asks, leaning against the locker next to Adora's and sending a girl nearby a glare that makes her turn away in favor of another changing area.

"Just worried, that's all." If she's going to earn Catra's trust that certainly means she shouldn't be spilling secrets left and right. Especially given Glimmer's inability to lie.

Glimmers eyes narrow but she says nothing. 

"It's true! I mean, as far as I know she's still under Weaver's control."

"Isn't she seventeen, can't you become your own guardian or whatever then? Seems like a Catra thing to have done."

"Yea, emancipation. But she isn't seventeen yet."

That gets Glimmer's attention. "What, she isn't? Wow, she's better than I thought."

"I mean it's soon, her birthday is..." Adora pauses, thinking. "Oh my god, her birthday's tomorrow."

"We have to throw a party!" Glimmer immediately exclaims, loudly enough that several girls in their area look over.

Adora frowns and purposely steps on Glimmer's toe, sending her back with a yelp. "What part of Catra makes you think she'd want a birthday party?"

"I don't know," Glimmer grumbles, rubbing her toe. "Doesn't everyone secretly want a party?"

"Not Catra." Adora said firmly. "She hates attention."

Glimmer scoffs, and Adora chooses to ignore it. 

"Just forget I said anything about it, please." Adora closes her locker and turns to Glimmer.

"Ugh, fine."

"And DON'T tell Bow! He will definitely make a big deal about it."

Glimmer's silent for a moment and Adora glares. 

"UGH!" Glimmer finally agrees. "Fine!"

Adora smiles sweetly and turns to leave. "Thank you, love you."

"You're manipulative you know!" Glimmer calls after her.

Adora turns around just long enough to blow her a kiss, which Glimmer swats away. When Adora turns back around she catches Catra's eye. A blush creeps up Adora's cheeks as she ducks her head and hurries out the room. Whether or not Catra had changed much, Adora had definitely become a different person in their years apart, and for the first time she wondered if Catra may just simply not like who she had become.

\--------------------

The two had dinner separately that night, and Adora was shocked to find Catra alone in their dorm room when she returned from dinner with Bow and Glimmer. Catra was at her desk, one leg tucked under herself on her chair and the other bent in front of her, her knee acting as a prop for her chin. 

Adora closed the door softly, unsure how to react.

"I'm not going to bite," Catra mumbled. She turned to see Adora still frozen. "Unless you want me to." Catra gave a wink and Adora immediately turned red.

Catra laughed, "It really still is too easy, Adora. But for real, stop acting so weird."

"Right," Adora said. "Sorry."

Adora pulled out her own homework and sent a quick text to Bow and Glimmer to let them know she needed to skip their study session. She ignored their immediate responses and silenced her phone. Clearing her throat a little she sat at her own desk and pulled out her math workbook. The two worked in silence for a moment, the only noise was Catra's incessant tapping against the metal leg of her chair.

With a huff Catra pulled out an ipod and jammed her earbuds in. Adora could hear the blaring music and sighed. So much for a potential-bonding study session. But it seemed to relax Catra a little. At least the tapping stopped.

Adora finally got her into a groove and was so focused on a math question that it took her a moment to register the pinging. When she finally realized she looked up, but Catra's earbuds were still firmly in and she was engrossed in an essay, her pen flying across the paper.

The pinging happened again and Adora noticed it was Catra's phone, currently lit up with a screen full of notifications. 

"Catra," Adora said. Nothing. She reached between them and poked her eraser into Catra's arm. "Catra!"

Catra jumped back so hard she hit the side of her bed. She ripped out her ear bud and glared at Adora. "What the fuck!"

Adora shrank back from her yell and pointed to Catra's phone just as it pinged again.

Catra's expression softened for a moment and Adora almost thought she'd apologize, until she picked up the phone.

"Shit, shit," Catra mumbled as she scrolled through the messages. She tapped something into her phone before reaching down to grab her shoes.

"Where are you going? It's almost curfew."

Catra didn't even pause as she laughed. "You've turned into quite the square, Adora."

Adora sputtered. "I am not a, a square? Who even says that anymore."

"Look, I gotta go take care of something. I'll be back really soon. Can you handle not telling anyone or are you going to run to your mommy the second I'm gone."

Adora glared. "You're not allowed to leave after curfew."

Catra laughed as she unlatched the window. "And yet here I am. So what's the verdict, Adora? Can I except to still have a spot here tomorrow morning?"

Adora paused and Catra groaned. 

"Fine! Fine, yes I won't tell. Just be safe, please."

Catra winked. "No promises." She edged out of the window and closed it until there was the smallest sliver of opening left, definitely too small for anyone to notice without looking. Adora ran to the window and watched as Catra climbed several feet sideways before reaching the fire escape and quietly sprinting down the steps. 

Adora groaned and turned back to her work. What the absolute fuck just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it going too slow?
> 
> ive been doing a lot of reading and realized other authors jump around a lot with no explanation but you just Get It and understand What's Going On and I fear doing that so...let me know what you all think


	4. Adora Gets the Prayer Circle But Let's All Pour One Out For Catra's Dumb Ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha i'm back. 
> 
> good news: this fic WILL have an end  
> semi bad news: not sure how consistent updates will be  
> bad news: learned recently i am NOT good at using consistent 'tenses' when writing and I'm too lazy to fully fix it
> 
> this also wasn't intentional but on bigger breaks with the '-----------' i kind of switch between adora and catra's perspective.
> 
> anyway love and miss you all!

When Adora woke the next day, Catra is actually in bed for once. Her blanket is kicked to the end of her bed and she doesn't even use the pillow that Adora can't bring herself to ask back, and certainly hasn't missed. She's curled up tight with the pillow pressed to her back, her breaths slow and even.

Adora takes extra care to be quiet while she picks up her stuff and slips out the room, waiting until she is the hall to lace up her sneakers. It's one of those days that she just wants to jog and think, so she doesn't bother waking Glimmer before she slips down the stairs and out into the street. 

As she jogs she tries to run through her thoughts. Her most pressing ones are about Catra. They run around again and again in her head. Catra's back. Catra hates her. She missed Catra. Then Adora takes a quick stumble as she remembers, it's Catra's birthday. 

She picks up her pace as she jogs into a different part of the city, determined to make sure that Catra actually gets some enjoyment on her birthday for once.

\-----------------

When Catra wakes up it's later than she wanted. She checks her phone and realizes with a groan that she never plugged it in. Dead. She sets it to charge and rolls out of bed, stretching and grabbing her shower bag. She was out so late last night, well past three am, that when she finally rolled back into the room she didn't do anything more than kick off her shoes and fall asleep. 

After she had finished the run she needed to do, Lonnie had cornered her and convinced her that since it was past midnight, she should 100% come with them to a party. A Catra three months ago would have jumped at the chance, but even so all it took was a little convincing before current Catra and Lonnie were blissfully lost in the dark bars that they used to frequent as younger teens, sneaking drinks and cigarettes and anything else they could get their hands on.

Catra groaned and rubbed the side of her head as she headed back to her dorm room. Going to the bars had definitely been the wrong move. 

She eased the door open, wincing at the creak, and froze when she saw Adora standing in the middle of the room, looking entirely too guilty. 

"What?" Catra mumbled when Adora kept just standing there. 

"Uh, happy birthday," Adora said, holding out the white paper bag that Catra just noticed she held. 

Catra froze and looked back up. Adora was wearing her workout clothes, and her face was flushed and sweaty, like she had just burst into the room moments before Catra arrived. Catra's eyes flicked down to the bag still held out to her and then slowly raised her hand to take it.

"It's uh, it's the breakfast you really like from Frankie's." Adora began to ramble. "I was running and suddenly it hit me and I don't know when you last went or if you still even like it, but they were open and still there and so I thought maybe, maybe you would," Adora trailed off when she realized Catra still hadn't moved.

"If you don't want it, that's fine!" Adora exclaimed. "I can eat it instead, or you can give it to Scorpia."

"It's fine, Adora." Catra managed to choke out. It was far more than fine. They hadn't gone to Frankie's since Catra had turned ten and Shadow Weaver decided that it was far past time for Catra to start working to pay off the debt of being raised.

"Oh," Adora said, visibly relaxing. "Good. And yea, happy birthday."

"Thanks. I'm gonna go," Catra pointed numbly towards the door and turned before Adora could catch sight of her face. But she paused, her hand on the doorknob. She took a breath. "Later today," she began and heard Adora finally stop fidgeting behind her. "Later today I'm going down to the courthouse. I have all the papers so it'll be official today. Emancipation."

"Oh, that's good!" Adora exclaimed.

Catra still didn't turn around. "It's right after afternoon class.. You can come, if you want."

"You want me to come with you?" Adora asked, and Catra didn't have to be facing her to imagine the dumb look on her face. 

"I invited you, didn't I?" Catra growled. 

"Yea, no. Yea! You did. And Yea, I'd love to go. I'll find you after class?"

"Sure." And then Catra was gone.

She raced through the hallway, head tucked down. She took the stairs to the roof and shimmied out the window, sitting on the very top of the fire escape. She opened the bag and inhaled the delicious smell of hashbrowns and migas that would definitely have some soggy bits by now but it didn't matter, because Adora had gotten it for her. Adora had remembered. 

\------------------

Fortunately for Catra, Adora hadn't broadcast to her annoying and sparkly friend group that is was her birthday. Unfortunately, Scorpia hadn't gotten the memo. Catra had slipped into class just before it started and ignored the way she could feel not only Adora's eyes but also the pink glitter-girl's eyes on her as well. 

Scorpia managed to hold out until the break before partner work began, but apparently her patience wore out because she squeezed Catra into a tight hug, causing her to drop her water bottle.

"Happy birthday best friend!" She exclaimed.

"Scorpia," Catra hissed. "Shut up! Put me down!"

Scorpia immediately dropped Catra. 

"Oh! Sorry! My moms sent you a package but it has to be picked up from the desk, they said. Just some general care stuff."

Catra picked her water bottle up from the ground and rubbed at her shoulder. "They didn't have to do that," she mumbled.

"Of course not! But they wanted to. Anyway! Are you free for us to do something fun this afternoon?"

Catra was annoyed that it took literal effort to keep her eyes from glancing in Adora's direction. "I'm actually not. Court stuff."

"Ooooo right! Want a buddy?"

"Thanks, but not this time."

"Completely understandable. Oh! The boys are here. I'm so excited for pas de deux!"

Catra wasn't sure how they would find someone tall enough to actually be able to partner with Scorpia, but stranger things had happened. Like her childhood best friend showing up from out of the blue. 

The boys filed in and partner names were read out. Catra watched as Adora was paired with one of her friends, the one with the just-too-short dance shirt and the nice hair. She bit back a smirk as the pink haired one pouted at that. 

Catra got some guy that looked entirely fearful of her. Good. If this limp fish dropped her even once, there was going to be hell to pay.

Pas de deux practice was, in short, torture. Not only were they all sweaty from class, but now everyone had some other body pressed against their own. Catra grimaced as her hands slid through her partner's hands. Fortunately he was able to adjust his grip and keep her on balance. Maybe some trust could be built after all.

She did her best to block out Adora but of course it was in the last five minutes of class that the teacher told them all to take a rest and watch Adora and Bow, that was his name, perform the piece. 

Catra slumped against her bag and stretched out her toes as the music began.

Adora smiled widely at Bow as she stepped out to meet him, her head angled in the perfect way and her leg lifted in that brilliant angle that had all the teachers swooning. Okay maybe Catra was exaggerating a little. But she was still really good. The piece wasn't necessarily romantic but Adora still had that gross adoring look on her face as she danced, and Catra stretched her foot just a little harder, relishing in the pain it brought. 

Just before it ended, Bow led Adora into an impromptu dip and she struggled to keep her laughter in as the teacher admonished them to 'stick to the choreography.'

"Well aside from your little improve moment, that was lovely, thank you." 

Bow gave a little bow as Adora curtseyed. The two ran back to where glitter rested at the bar and Catra raised an eyebrow as the pink haired girl immediately slumped into Bow's side. Interesting. 

Catra pulled herself back to the present when she realized that Scorpia had been talking.

"-for lunch!" 

"What? Oh, I need to skip lunch today. I have to take care of stuff before afternoon classes start."

"Oh right, well don't forget to eat!"

Catra laughed, "I'm sure there will be something in your moms' birthday packages to snack on."

"There is!" Scorpia exclaimed before slapping her own hand over her mouth.

Catra rolled her eyes and nudged at Scorpia's elbow. "I don't think you can spoil a care package." She finished packing up her bag and hauled it over her shoulder. First stop. That damn package. Second stop, to figure out once and for all how to use the printer here. The courthouse closed at 5 and class let out right at 4. Catra had to have everything ready beforehand if she was going to make it in time.

Luckily Scorpia's moms' had packed the red velvet cookies that Catra so secretly adored, and if she managed to eat nearly all of them as she waited for the way-too-ancient printer in the way-too-small library to finish printing, that was between her and the empty cookie package. 

\-------------------------

Catra had warned Adora about the short time window, and as she stood in afternoon rehearsals watching the clock tick closer and closer to four pm, she was nervous. What if Adora slowed her down, or she wasn't fast enough, or there was a random road block on the road, or-she grumbled as she temporarily missed a step.

However, some birthday god must have been actually paying attention for once because the teacher began wrapping up class at a cool 4:52 pm and let them go early. Catra yanked off her pointe shoes and quickly pulled the shirt and shorts she had brought over her leo and tights. She said a quick goodbye to Scorpia and headed into the hall to tie her sneakers. 

She looked around and was relieved to see Adora already there and waiting. No sign of her friends.

"Where are your backup dancers?" Catra asked as she started down the stairs, Adora close behind.

"They're my friends not my sidekicks, and I just told them I had something to do."

Catra scoffed. "And how'd they take that?" 

"Really suspiciously. But I figured you'd kill me if I told them the truth."

"Right." Catra said sharply. 

They jogged rather than walked to the courthouse, and Catra almost finds it fun for a moment. It reminded her of days when they would run through the city on their way home from ballet class, relishing in the extra minutes of freedom they were able to steal.

They race up the steps to the courthouse and pause for a moment, catching their breath.

"Wait," Adora says softly.

Catra turns and Adora reaches over to pull an actual goddamn leaf off Catra's shirt. She gives Catra a glance and then reaches out to straighten her shirt. Adora finally reaches up to Catra's hair, always untamed, but Catra's reached her limit.

She slaps Adora's hand out the way with a growl. "I can do it, thanks."

Adora shrugs, unfazed. 

"Ready?" Adora asks, catching Catra's eye in the reflective surface of the door.

"Born ready," Catra mumbles as she yanks the door open.

They emerge forty five minutes later with Catra's freedom.

Adora grabs at Catra's free hand and spins her around, catching Catra off-guard. Catra frowns and yanks her hand away but it doesn't dim Adora's grin.

"How's it feel?" Adora asks as they make their way down the sidewalk at a much slower pace than before.

"Good," Catra says. The papers are tucked safely into a folder in her bag, even though she was assured they were filed away on record, should anything happen to the originals. 

"I know we always dreamed of this day," Adora says, beaming.

Catra starts to frown. They may had dreamed of it, but Adora had gotten that dream years before. 

Oblivious, Adora rambled on. "And now we got to go together, which is another 'wow I never thought that'd happen.' It's like fate brought all of this to us."

Catra stopped. "You think all of this was fate?"

Adora's steps faltered as she realized Catra wasn't by her side anymore.

"I mean, no?"

Catra stared at her for a long minute before continuing to walk. "Never mind."

They're quiet for a moment.

"Your feet must be tired," Catra says suddenly once they've stopped at a red cross light.

"What?" Adora asks, immediately looking down at her feet.

"All that extra dancing as star pupil. At least you and your pas de deux partner seemed pretty close." Catra's voice has a lilt to it now. 

Adora's face begins to redden. "It's not like that."

"I'd hope not. If so I think your glitter-friend would have killed you by now. She looked downright murderous when you two were dancing together."

"Her name is Glimmer and she has her own-you know what nevermind."

The light turns white and Adora storms ahead.

Catra laughs and jogs to catch up.

"I was just pointing it out, princess. No need to get upset."

"Why'd you even invite me if all you're going to do is make fun of me? And what happened to ten minutes ago when we were actually getting along again?"

Catra shrugged, "Needed a witness."

Adora rolled her eyes at the obvious lie. "I'm not here just to be tormented by you, Catra."

"Wowww Adora, you've gotten so sensitive." Catra pushes her side flush against Adora as the walk and slings an arm around her neck. It's only now she realizes that Adora actually has a couple of inches on her.

"Ugh!" Adora ducks out from under Catra's arm and stops. "I'll make my own way back to the studio, thanks." She abruptly turns and heads down a side street.

"That's the long way!" Catra calls after her.

"I don't care!" Adora yells back.

And then Catra's alone. Good. Things were getting a little too sentimental anyway. This is absolutely what she wanted. She has to close her eyes for a moment to get Adora's crumpled face out of her mind.

She continues down the street, slower now. It's good, this feeling of freedom. Sure, she's still tied to the academy in some way, still owes them her time and commitment for the scholarship. But technically she could drop out any day. She could get a tattoo, she could take a fake sick day, and she'd still actually live to see the next day.

She could, oh that's perfect.

She crosses the street to the small barber shop and pushes her way through the front door. She'd been waiting to do this but wasn't quite sure which reaction she'd get from Shadow Weaver if she showed up with two feet of her hair cut off. But now...as long as it was long enough to tie away from her face, she'd be good.

\--------------------------------

Adora laid on top of her covers for a long time, thinking. About, a lot. She had waved Glimmer and Bow off when she returned and went right to her room and her bed. What was Catra's angle? She wanted Adora along, then turned on her before they even got back. They couldn't even survive a full hour of hanging out together.

Adora sighed and ran her thumb along an old scar that was edged into the side of her thigh, a habit she often fell back on. Living with Shadow Weaver had been, bad, to say the least. And Bow was right, she had to keep in mind how that could have affected Catra as she grew older.

Adora's stomach growled and she realized it was well into dinner time. With a sigh she sat up and heaved her legs over the side of her bed. Shower. Then dinner. Then homework. And then if there was time maybe she would take Glimmer up on that sleepover offer...

\--  
Adora didn't finish her homework with Glimmer until nearly midnight, and by that point Glimmer's roommate had started staring at them so pointedly that even Adora knew better than to ask for a sleepover. She'd ask Glimmer to come back to her room, but she didn't want to deal with an angry Catra. More importantly though, she didn't want to deal with Glimmers reaction if she found out that Adora was technically letting Catra sneak back in far after curfew. 

So Adora slunk back to her own room, alone.

Catra was there when she opened the door, hunched over her desk, scribbling furiously in her school book.

"Hey," Adora said softly as she set her own stuff down. 

Catra jerked her head up in response. She was wearing a loose dark beanie and Adora couldn't help but think that it looked really cute. You know, objectively.

"I'm sorry, for upsetting you today."

Catra's pen paused and Adora heard a sigh. "It's fine, just forget about it."

"But if we talked about what happened, I'd know how to be better in the future." Adora said as she slid into her own desk chair, just feet away.

"There isn't a 'future'," Catra said, finally sending a glare Adora's way. "And I really need to finish this so, please." Catra looked at Adora's bed pointedly.

Adora sighed and got ready for bed as quietly as she could. When she clicked off her own lamp, it struck her how lonely Catra looked under the single light in the room. As if feeling Adora's eyes on her, Catra shifted her notebook to the furthest corner of her desk, away from Adora, and continued writing. 

Right. So much for roommate bonding time. Bow would be so disappointed in her.  
-  
The next morning Adora woke to meet Bow and Glimmer for their normal morning workout. It made her smile to see that Catra had slept in the beanie as well. The dorms weren't even that cold. 

"So, where did you go yesterday?" Glimmer asked, rounding on Adora as soon as she stepped into the gym.  
Adora groaned, "Didn't we just go over this yesterday? It was a thing for Catra, she doesn't want me to talk about it. And no," Adora continued seeing Bow's face, "it wasn't a dangerous thing and no! We didn't 'bond'."

Bow pouted. 

"I actually kind of thinks she hates me more now," Adora muttered.

"What!" Bow exclaimed. "How did you go backwards?"

"I don't know! Things were going so well and then they just, didn't."

Glimmer patted Adora's shoulder. "There, there."

"Thanks." Adora deadpanned. She sighed and shrugged Glimmer's hand off. "Let's just, workout or whatever."

"Yes!" Bow cried, pumping a fist that made Adora smile.

-  
Throughout their morning workout and following breakfast, Adora's friends were able to cheer her up some. Sure, maybe she wasn't doing the best at her whole 'befriend Catra again' operation, which had now turned into a 'figure out what was really upsetting Catra in order to properly apologize before being able to befriend her' operation, but Adora was getting there.

One of the teachers was out sick, so the whole level would be taking morning class together. Glimmer reveled in the fact that for once she got to stand next to Bow at the bar, waggling her eyebrows at him to make him laugh as they all warmed up.

Adora was talking to the guy behind her when a voice, undoubtedly Scorpia's, drew her attention. And then her heart promptly stopped. Because there stood Catra, with the cutest haircut Adora has ever see. Her bangs, which she had always kept long but shorter than the rest of her hair, fell to her chin, and she was currently pinning them back and swatting away Scorpia's hands.

"It's not cute!" Adora heard Catra exclaim.

Adora begged to disagree.

The rest of her hair now brushed the tops of her shoulders, and it looked good. Like really good. Catra began to pull it into a low ponytail and only then did Adora remember how to breath. And also how to close her mouth.

"Prayer circle for Adora's useless lesbian self!" Bow hisses in a whisper. 

"Nooo!" Adora groaned, already knowing where this was going.

He and Glimmer immediately stepped into a close circle and grabbed hands, their other hands reaching for Adora's own.

"Wait Bow-" Adora managed, but Bow and Glimmer had already bowed their heads, eyes closed.

"Dear Lesbian Jesus, we ask that on this day, you allow Adora to live through this ballet class with her big gay crush being visible from not only across the room, but also visible from space. In your name we pray, a-woman." Bow whispered it all quickly and then he and Glimmer dropped their hands and stepped back.

"I hate it when you do that," Adora groaned and snatched her hands back.

"Prayer circle," Glimmer said with an uninterested shrug.

"For your gay ass." Bow adds. He leanedagainst the barre and stuck one of his hips out.

Adora glared. 

"If anything," Glimmer added in a whisper. "It got you to close your mouth."

Adora swatted at her and then spared another glance in Catra's direction. The girl was standing at the barre now, looking entirely uncomfortable at all the attention Scorpia was giving her. She must have borrowed Scorpia's barrettes because they were bright yellow and red. It was cute. Seriously cute. 

Adora took a big swig of her water and then very pointedly turned around. If she was lucky she'd get through today without breaking one of her ankles.

While Adora's ankles survived, the same couldn't be said for Bow's knees.

"Sorry!" Adora hissed as one of her knees slammed into Bow's own during her turns.

"Adora! Focus!"

"I am focusing!"

"Not on Catra!"

Adora groaned as they hit the final pose and the music stopped.

"Well," their teacher said as she walked to the front of the class. "You certainly all need extra work." She seemed to look directly at Adora when she said it, and Adora ducked her head, flushed. 

They're dismissed for lunch and Adora trudged along behind her friends, her eyes firmly planted on the back of Glimmer's ankles. 

"Aw, Adora," Glimmer said as she rubbed her shoulder. "It wasn't that bad!"

"Will I ever move on from being a gay disaster?" She asked, as she pressed her forehead into the table and groaned.

"I hope not." Bow said. Glimmer shot him a glare. "Because then you wouldn't be our Adora!"

"Mhm," Glimmer said as she continued to rub Adora's shoulder while glaring very pointedly at Bow.

"Wanna see my new idea for a jock strap?" Bow asked, nudging at Adora's arms which now covered her face. "I have plans to completely re-imagine it."

"Sure," Adora sighed and managed to look over at the sketches Bow pulled out. As he talked she accepted the pieces of apple Glimmer was slowly handing her.

Everything was going to be just fine. Totally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you wanna check out older stuff (not she ra) my old ao3 acc is white_russian.


	5. Of Realizations Seven Years Too Late And Maybe A Little Gay Yearning, As A Treat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey im back. i also learned yesterday that ao3 does not hold the italics when i copy paste into the text box :/   
> I put so many italics in they're my TONE! but also im too lazy to go find all the words to re-italicize them so instead i tell you, here.
> 
> good news i have so much more of this written and it will end after this semester at the academy so we have an end in sight!!
> 
> i thrive off of you all's validation.

Catra would have had to be blind to not see how red Adora turned when she showed up to class, sans the beanie. It made Catra mad. Okay maybe the hair looked bad but it didn't look that bad. And even if it did, Adora was in no place to offer her opinion. 

Scorpia had done her best all class to shower compliments Catra with compliments until she finally had enough and shot Scorpia a look that shut her up. The hair felt nice though. Her neck was cool during class and for once her turns weren't hindered by the heavy weight of her hair pulling at her scalp. She wished she had done this sooner.

Catra also would have been dumb to not notice Adora pointedly ignoring her the rest of the day. Instead, Adora focused on being the most insufferable teacher's pet in their academic classes in the afternoon, answering questions right away and taking far too many notes than dance history called for.

So by the time Catra got back to her dorm later in the afternoon, she was pissed. 

Adora was already there, studying at her desk, like usual. And Catra just...lost it.

"What's even your problem?" Catra asked as the door slammed shut behind her. 

Adora jumped a foot in the air before spinning around, eyes wide. "What?"

"You? What's your problem? You've been acting weird as shit all day and I get it, maybe the haircut was a bad idea, but you don't have to be so blatant in your hatred." Catra threw her bag onto her bed and slammed her hands down on her desk, leaning close to Adora, who seemed at a loss for words.

"I, I wasn't, I don't think it's bad."

Catra rolled her eyes. "Yea sure, okay."

"It's true!" Adora insisted, sitting up straighter.

"I'm just tired of you thinking I care about your opinion so just keep it to yourself better." Catra said, pointedly ignoring the fact that her outburst directly contradicted that statement.

Adora stared. "Okay, yea. Sorry." 

Adora turned back to her homework, shoulders hunched, and all the anger that had been so white-hot a moment before drained out of Catra. She reached a hand towards Adora but was distracted by her phone pinging.

She sighed and slid it out her bag.

Fuck.

SW: 57th and Blare Ave. 11:30 pm.  
No. No. She was out, she was done. She was seventeen. She was free.  
Catra: get someone else to do your shit now  
SW: Do you really think a small piece of paper can set you free? You're mine until your debt is paid off, and that's far from being done. So you will do this, or I will carefully tear everything apart that you think you have.

It was followed by the Brightmoon Ballet Academy contact information and a screenshot of Catra's sealed record. Which was sealed for a goddamn reason. 

Catra was so focused on her phone that she didn't realize Adora had packed her bag and was making her way to the door. The door Catra was currently standing in front of.

"I'm gonna go study with Glimmer," Adora said. 

Catra's hand tightened around her phone. Adora definitely looked like she had been crying. Catra wanted to think it was weak. It was weak. But all she felt was a wave of guilt.

"Adora I-"

Adora paused, not turning her head towards Catra. "I'll see you later."

Later, when Catra slips out the window, Adora still isn't back. Catra scales down the fire escape and pretends it doesn't hurt.  
\----------------------------

This run was bad. Shadow Weaver had at least sent Lonnie with Catra, who had reacted to Catra's new hair with her signature sideways smirk, but it was barely a three-person job, let alone two.

Catra and Lonnie had been cornered and put up a hell of a fight, but the night ended sour for both of them, and Catra almost didn't want to let Lonnie go back to the home alone.

"I'll be fine, Catra." Lonnie groaned, pressing a hand carefully to her split eyebrow. 

Catra hesitated.

"Seriously," Lonnie said, knocking Catra's hat askew. "Go back to your bunheads. And maybe get that side checked out. He kicked you pretty hard."

Catra pressed her own hand to her ribs and winced at the pressure. "Promise you'll text if it gets bad? I have a place we can go." Scorpia's moms, but Lonnie didn't need to know that.

"God, less than a week and you're getting soft." Lonnie shoved at Catra's uninjured side and smiled.

"I do like the hair though."

"Thanks, Adora hated it." Catra said, once again obviously not caring.

"Adora!?!"

Oh right. Catra gave an awkward laugh. "I forgot to tell you? She's my roommate. And get this. That family that adopted her owns the whole fucking ballet school."

"Okay, fuck going back home. We're going to get vodka, and then you're going to tell me everything." Lonnie grabbed Catra's hand and began dragging her towards a liquor store that stayed open late and didn't give a shit about how old you were. Catra knew it was a bad idea, and fuck she was getting soft, but sitting on a roof with Lonnie for two hours meant two less hours that Lonnie spent in Shadow Weaver's house, and Catra couldn't deny her that.

"You know phones work, right?" Lonnie teased.

"Guess I didn't know how to say it," Catra said with a shrug. 

She and Lonnie headed towards one of their favorite hangouts, a roof not too far from where the ballet school was. Catra could just see the lights of the academy from their high perch. They passed the bottle back and forth while Catra filled her in on the surprisingly amount of shit that had happened, and Lonnie relished Catra with tales of who was now Shadow Weaver's least favorite. 

It was past three am by the time Catra, a little tipsy, managed to make it up the side of the academy and back into the dorm. She giggled a little as she slid the window up, drunk on the thrill of having scaled the side while also drunk on, well, the vodka.

She slid out her phone and sent Lonnie a quick 'back safe' text, complete with lots of emojis that sober Catra would never dare even think of looking at. Lonnie responded with the same and for a moment Catra stood there, sending dumb emojis back and forth.

She finally put her phone down and then groaned as she reached down to untie her shoes.

"Catra?" a groggy voice asked.

Oopsies. Not quiet enough. Catra slowly straightened up, hand clenched hard against her side that twinged with every movement. Really should have just risked using the front door.

"Did you," Adora sat up and her eyes narrowed. "Are you seriously still doing shit for Shadow Weaver."

Catra had to laugh. What did Adora even know about that? "Don't worry about it, Adora." Catra whispered as she stepped towards her dresser and pulled off her shirt. Her pants were quick to follow. She let out another small laugh as Adora quickly averted her eyes, staring hard at the wall over Catra's bed.

"Then what's wrong with your ribs?" Adora asked.

"Oh peeking now, were you?" Catra teased.

"I can't even see them dumbass, but I can tell they're hurt."

"It's nothing."

Catra had her pajamas on, and she shuffled towards her bed, draining what was left of her waterbottle before falling onto the top of the covers.

Adora suddenly decided that was the absolutely most perfect time to switch her lamp on. Catra hissed at the sudden flood of light and Adora gasped. "Your face!" 

"What?" Catra brought a hand up to her mouth and flinched at the sting. She hadn't even realized she'd cut her lip. "Fuck."

"Let me get you some ice at least." 

Catra frowned and turned over, putting her back to Adora. "I don't need anything from you. It'll be fine by morning."

"Catra," Adora said softly.

"Can you turn off that light? I'm trying to sleep."

Adora was silent for a moment and Catra's back stayed tense. But she eventually shut the lamp off and Catra relaxed.

\----  
When Catra woke the next morning, Adora was gone and on Catra's desk were pain pills, a bottle of water, and a bandage meant for her ribs. Catra thought about shoving it all in the trash, but after last night... Well maybe she was getting tired of the self-sabotaging. So she sighed and opened the water.  
\--------------------------- 

"How are your ribs?"

They're standing by the barre together for once as they line up to begin turns across the floor. The proximity is, at least for Catra, by pure chance as Catra had been doing her best to avoid Adora all class. 

"Fine." Catra says, but she's startled by the sudden question and isn't quick enough to stop her own hand from pressing into her side.

"They're not."

"Adora," Catra says, exasperated. "Look, I appreciate you keeping your mouth shut about me leaving the dorms at night, but don't worry about it anymore."

"You're not gonna go out anymore?"

She sounded way too fucking eager. "Just don't worry about it." And then Catra was spinning around the floor and managed to successfully avoid Adora for the rest of class.

\----------------------

For her part, Adora thought that Catra had done an absolutely fantastic job at avoiding Adora for the next two days. The weekend was coming up and Angella and Micah had practically begged Glimmer, Adora, and Bow to spend it at their home. They'd have Saturday morning class, but then Saturday afternoon and all of Sunday were theirs. Why they needed a weekend class after having a whole week of them, Adora did not know. But as the ballet Gods demanded, she obeyed. Or something like that.

Friday afternoon found Catra lazing in her bed, the pillow Adora lent her now having taken up permanent residence. 

"Hey Adora," Catra mumbled as Adora closed the door behind her.

That was new.

"Hey," Adora said back, cautious. 

"Are you going to be here all weekend or will I finally get some peace?" Catra asked as she dropped her phone and stretched her arms out, her shirt riding up her hip. At least she wasn't wincing anymore.

"I'll uh, I think I'm going home after class tomorrow. And also! I'm a super quiet roommate!"

Catra rolled her eyes, "Yeah, when you're not nagging me."

Adora's eyes dropped down to Catra's ribs, and Catra noticed, tugging her shirt back into place and shooting Adora a glare.

"Will you at least let the nurse check them out?" Adora asked, walking further into the room to take a seat on her own bed.

Catra looked at her like she'd grown a second head. "No??? Adora you know the number one rule into not drawing suspicion is to not fucking say anything."

"But you're not under Shadow Weaver's control anymore. You can get help."

"I don't need help," Catra snarled. In a swift move she hopped off the bed and stormed out the door. 

Adora leaned back and squeezed her eyes shut, frantically pushing down the sudden and overwhelming urge to just burst into tears.

\--------------------

Catra was actually relieved Adora would be gone all weekend. She needed to rest, badly. Scorpia had invited her to spend the weekend at her moms', but Catra slid out of it with the excuse of some much-needed alone time, which Scorpia seemed to understand.

"I'll at least bring you back Sunday dinner!" Scorpia exclaimed as they packed up their bags after class on Saturday.

"Sure," Catra says giving a small smile. "Sounds good." 

"What do you plan to do?"

"Sleep."

Scorpia laughed.

"Eat a bunch of junk food, and then more sleep."

"Well it sounds like the perfect Catra weekend."

Scorpia helped her to her feet. The noise level was louder today as students talked about weekend plans. Catra could see out the corner of her eye Adora's two friends engaged in what looked like a very in-depth argument, complete with wild hand gestures. Adora however, had her eyes not-very-subtly trained on Catra.

"My moms' are already waiting outside," Scorpia explained as she slid her shoes on. "See you tomorrow?"

Catra laughed, "You make it sound like so long."

"Well I'll miss you."

Catra scoffed and shoved at Scorpia's shoulder. "Miss you too."

Scorpia made her 'awe' face and Catra could tell she was about to go for a hug so she quickly stuck her fist out, pinky and thumb extended. It was their compromise between Scorpia's ever-growing physical affection and Catra's hatred of being touched. Ten-foot radius and all.

Scorpia linked their pinkies and then they tapped their thumbs to their foreheads then lips. It was almost too much, but Catra allowed it. 

"Bye," Catra said as they let go.

"Bye!" 

Alone now, Catra caught Adora's eyes. She looked...furious? Weird. Whatever. Catra did the very mature thing of sticking out her tongue before slipping out into the hall and up to their dorm.

\------------------

Saturday night sleepovers at the Moontone's had always been legendary, but now they were more so. Bow's dads had finally made the move out to the country last year, and Bow promised them that he would go home next weekend, leaving him free to spend the night at Glimmer and Adora's. 

Adora laughed at the smear of flour that Glimmer had managed to smear across Bow's face while they helped Angella make cookies for desserts.

"Girls," Angella said, shooting them a look out the corner of her eye that totally wasn't ruined by the smile that quickly followed. 

"What?" Glimmer asked, the picture of innocence as she carefully and quite deliberately rolled the dough into balls. 

Micah's one rule for the dinner table on Saturdays was that no ballet talk could be had. No power diets, no turning down desserts, no stressing about auditions, only fun and love and forgetting about tomorrow. Adora loved it.

She hadn't always though. Adora loved ballet, not only because it was where she and Catra were finally able to be happy together, but because it was disciplined. She knew what was supposed to happen every count of the music. She knew exactly the angle to lift her leg to, exactly where to put her head, exactly how to hold her arms. And she excelled at it.

She loved the uniformity of all the dancers in their black leotards and pink tights. She loved looking down the row as they extended their legs as one unit. Adora was built to be a ballerina, if she could only master the artistry aspect a bit more...

And so when Micah and Angella had put her into ballet classes the first day she was at their home, she was thrilled. Sure, the uniform was slightly different and the levels had weird names, and Catra wasn't there. But the best thing about ballet was no matter where she went, it stayed mostly the same. 

Adora had thought she knew what to expect at her new home. It couldn't be so different from where she grew up after all. Stay quiet, stay out of sight, do as your told. Simple. So the first Saturday that rolled around, which brought Bow and his dads and three of his older brothers, plus loud old rock music that had Micah bumping his hip into Angella and twirling Glimmer around without a care in the world for proper technique, Adora hadn't exactly responded in the right way.

The next saturday dinner had been a much quieter affair.

But now she loved it. She turned the music up a little louder on Micah's old cassette player and accepted his hand as he spun her around and around. The air smelled like the vegetables Micah was roasting in the oven and the sweet smell of vanilla from the cookie dough and the bit Glimmer had managed to rub into Adora's nose (she was a menace in the kitchen).

Adora grabbed Bow's hands as he twirled her into a tight hug, swaying her back and forth. Her heart was full, but as she exchanged Bow's hands for Angella's, she couldn't help but feel that something was missing. 

Catra.

Adora couldn't help it, she missed her friend. She had missed her back then, a sharp stabbing pain that had made it hard to breathe some days. And that had subsided to a dull ache over the years. But now it hurt again. Because Catra still laughed the same. She still moved with the same sharp grace she always had. She still had the same way of sleeping, all curled up. And when Catra thought no one was looking, she still got the same expression of wonder on her face when she danced. 

And Adora missed her for it.

She couldn't decide if being Catra's roommate was torture or luck. A painful reminder of what they once had, or a chance to rekindle it. 

Adora had a good and solid family now. They were her support, her place to go anytime for love and comfort. Catra had been that for her once, she had had been that for Catra. Adora gasped sharply and for the first time wondered who had taken her spot when she left. Who had Catra turned to when Adora was busy learning what the real meaning of 'safe' was? 

"Adora?" Glimmer asked, spinning to a stop in front of her. "Are you okay?"

Adora blinked a couple of times and looked up. "Oh yeah, sorry. I'm good." She forced a smile and while Glimmer's eyes narrowed, she let it slide. 

\--------

While Saturday nights were for the family, Sunday mornings were just for Adora and Angella. Glimmer may have been her mother's double, but she had her father's ability to sleep the day away, and Sunday was the one day Angella actually let them. But Adora had never gotten over the early wake-up routine she grew up with. And besides, she liked the early mornings.

Adora slipped out of bed and carefully stepped over Bow on the floor, sleeping so neatly and tucked in, a stark contrast to Glimmer, who had lost two of her ten pillows and three of her blankets in the night. She padded downstairs to find Angella already at the table, reading with fresh coffee. The windows were open to the early morning breeze, still cool before the heat of the day fully arrived.

"Good morning, Adora," Angella said with a smile as she set down her book. "Coffee?"

Adora nearly groaned. "Oh yes please."

That was another thing she loved about their mornings together; Angella would bring out the small and dainty tea cups she kept high in a cabinet. When Adora was younger and they drank tea, she had been so scared to hold the delicate cup, so scared of breaking something in this new and fragile life. So focused on being the perfect new daughter to her perfect new parents that she hadn't looked up long enough to realize-

"Adora, are you okay?"

Adora startled, and realized she had been standing still, staring at the cup in her hands for far too long.

"Yeah. Yes! Sorry." She grinned sheepishly and sat down.

Angella gave her a look, so full of love and patience that Adora couldn't keep up her lie any longer. Three seconds was hard enough. 

She sighed, her shoulders deflating. "Okay. Maybe not."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"I just," Adora sighed but Angella didn't rush her, didn't try to push her. "It's Catra."

"Your roommate."

"Yes. But she was also at the place, where you adopted me from."

"Ah."

"She was my best friend there."

"I remember."

Adora's head shot up. "You what?"

Angella looked as shocked as Adora felt. "You didn't know that we knew?"

"I don't remember much, to be honest."

Angella sighed and set her cup down, folding her hands carefully in front of her. The breeze blew in and gently lifted her hair as Adora waited for her to speak. 

"Of course I remember Catra. Small, strong. You both had matching bruised knees and I thought for a moment she might full on fight me and Micah. You remember meeting us, right?"

Adora nodded silently. She had met with Micah and Angella, and then again with them and Glimmer, before the adoption was put through and the paperwork signed. It hadn't taken more than two weeks, and every night she and Catra had clung tight to each other in their bunks, going back and forth on plans to run away, to defect, to insist they take Catra too. Until the day before Adora left and Catra declared Adora had to go, that Catra would hate her forever if she didn't go. 

"You two were so small then. It broke our hearts to leave with just you. I remember how you sobbed you it was time to go. I thought you'd never forgive us for taking you away."

"You didn't take me," Adora said. "I left. And I left her behind. I didn't even try." She was crying now.

"Oh honey, no." Angella slipped out her chair to pull Adora close, making her cry harder.

"I just left her there."

"No, no. We tried so hard to get you both. We tried so so hard. But the head of the home said Catra wasn't up for adoption. They wouldn't let us."

"You what?" Adora scrubbed at her eyes and accepted the tissue Angella handed over.

"We tried. We were approved. But she said no."

Adora felt her heart drop. "I didn't know that."

"We tried to call later to see if Catra could come over, a playdate, a sleepover, a meeting in the park, anything. But they just never picked up."

Adora let out a harsh laugh. "I thought I left Weaver when I was eleven but it turns out she's been controlling my life ever since."

Angella tucked a stray hair back behind Adora's ear. "She isn't controlling it now. From what I've seen Catra is a strong and independent person, and she makes her own decisions now."

Adora snorted. That was an understatement.

"Is this why she was so adamant about not being roommates with you?" Angella asked, returning to her seat.

Adora shrugged. "I guess so."

After a couple more sniffles Adora picked her head back up. "So, what do I do now?"

"Help me make breakfast?" Angella asked with small smile.

"Not about that!" Adora groaned.

"Okay, okay. Now I think you should talk to her."

"I try!" Adora cried, throwing her hands up in the air. "But she never stays in one place long enough to listen! And I've hurt her." Tears prick back at Adora's eyes. "I've hurt her and I've only just realized that I've hurt her. Why should she even listen to me now?"

"Because, love. You were both eleven, and it wasn't either of your faults." Angella cradled one of Adora's hands in her own. "You were not a happy child when you came home to us. You had your light and your spark and your joy, but you were dimmed. You didn't talk to us Adora, but we saw the way you were so scared to mess up, to speak to me, to let even Glimmer hug you. You had years of therapy and us to help you through that."

"And what did Catra have?" Adora mumbled.

"Exactly. She's only just started to heal."

It hurt a lot to realize. It hurt a lot more to realize that while Adora had been happy and healthy, Catra had been back in their abusive foster home.

"Adora, you can't have guilt for getting out. We tried so hard to get Catra, for years after we tried. Eventually the foster agency changed names and we lost all contact with them. When I saw Catra's application, well I won't lie. It's such a unique name and she has those eyes, I knew it was her."

Adora immediately shot a glare at Angella. "If you-"

"Adora! Catra's place at Brightmoon and her scholarship are purely her own. She's an incredible dancer. And I had no hand in room placements. I wanted to be impartial!"

Adora immediately felt blush creeping up her cheeks. "Sorry. I'm just pretty sure she'd hate to find that out."

"You still try to protect her."

"Of course I do! I have years to make up for!"

"But have you asked her if that's what she still wants? Do you look to see who she is now, or do you still see her as the same child you grew up with?"

"Well," Adora mumbled, "she couldn't have changed that much."

"Adora." Her tone is a warning.

"Okay, maybe you've made some points." Adora said, her voice soft. "I just keep messing up, don't I?"

"No," Angella said, rising to place a kiss on Adora's forehead. "You keep growing. And you need to give Catra space to grow too. Now, I wasn't kidding about that breakfast."

\----------------------------

That evening, after a dinner with Micah and Angella, Bow, Glimmer, and Adora were all crowded into Glimmer's room, getting ready for the traditional first week back party. Glimmer was the only one with an actual mirror, Bow just genuinely loved to be around them, and Adora was hell bent on actually giving Catra some space, and so here they were.

When she had gotten back to her dorm earlier, Catra was there, lounging on her bed and reading one of Adora's books. She had jumped when Adora pushed the door open.

"Sorry!" Adora had exclaimed, "I'm not used to how heavy the doors are."

"It's okay," Catra said, relaxing back on the bed.

Adora quickly unpacked her overnight bag, waiting to see if Catra would speak first.

She didn't.

"Did you have a quiet and relaxing weekend?" Adora finally asked as she looked through the homework she had left behind, trying not to seem too interested.

"I did, actually. I would have asked to borrow the book but you were gone and I don't have your number so, sorry." Catra held it out.

Adora looked up, a little startled. "Oh, I really don't mind. You can finish it. You can read any of them, actually." Then she blushed. "Some are kids books though, kind of dumb but they're my comfort books."

Catra raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I'd guess that 'Flicka' would be a comfort book for you."

"Horses are nice!" Adora exclaimed, grinning when she saw Catra actually laugh.

"Sure, Adora."

"But please, finish the book."

"Thanks."

Adora was quiet then as she gathered up the makeup she wanted and opened her closet to pick out an outfit.

"Are you going to the party tonight?"

"I wouldn't classify it as a 'party'."

Adora rolled her eyes. "Are you going to the ballet get-together."

"Scorpia's trying to convince me."

"It could be fun. I think you'd find a lot of the people here are actually pretty nice. And," Adora said as she popped her head out from behind her closet door, "I have it on good authority that Sea Hawk's bringing a lot of vodka."

"I'm not friends with Sea Hawk."

"You're friends with Scorpia, and she's friends with Sea Hawk, which in Sea Hawk's book is good enough. Plus, he'll consider you friends with me, too."

Catra raised an eyebrow. "Are we not friends?"

Adora blushed and returned to rifling through the few articles of street clothing she had brought, bemoaning the fact that she only now thought about how she would need something actually good to wear to the party. Not that she was trying to impress anyone, of course.

"If you want us to be." She finally said.

"God, Adora."

Adora was quiet.

"Fine, we're roommates. Happy?"

Give her space, give her space, give her space, Adora reminded herself. "Sounds great, Roomie." Adora said as she finally closed her closet door and smiled.

Catra rolled her eyes and slunk back into the book, but Adora swore she saw a small smile at her face.

"So I'll see you there?" Adora asked as she gathered up her stuff. 

"You're going over already?" Catra asked with a huff as she set the book down, again.

"Just to Glimmer's. We get ready together. Bow has to do my eyeliner. Plus, I didn't mean to end your quiet weekend early."

Catra frowned, "It's fine, Adora." She held Adora's gaze for a second, her eyes unwavering. "Yeah, I guess I'll see you there."

Adora beamed, "Great!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> party time!! !   
> nervously laughs along with the 'that's what makes you hahaha' song on youtube.


	6. I Knew You, Dancing in Your Levis, Drunk Under the Dance Lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter but it felt like a good break and another update is coming soon!!

"Adora! Hold still!" Bow grumbled.

"I'm nervous!"

"Well be nervous but still."

Adora groaned. It was an hour later and the party had just gotten started a couple of floors below them in the least-checked-on common room. Glimmer had vetoed the clothes Adora had brought, and now she was clad in her own high waisted dark shorts, which for some suspicious reason were in Glimmer's dresser, and one of Bow's sheer crop tops. 

"Your abs look great!" Glimmer had said when Adora stuck her arms out and declared she hated the outfit.

"What about my comfy tshirt that I brought? It's comfy!"

"Do you want to make the girls swoon or not?" Glimmer demanded, her hands on her hips and looking every bit like she would force Adora out the door in that outfit if she could. 

"Fine," Adora had relented, only to now be tortured under Bow's eyeliner pencil.

"It looks really good, Adora." Glimmer commented from where she was curling her hair on the floor. 

"Thank you, thank you," Bow muttered as he held up two different lipstains, well aware of Adora's aversion to lipstick. 

"I don't even like makeup unless I'm on stage," Adora muttered. 

"It's just for a couple of hours," Bow reassured her, "and I've gone really light."

Adora let out a breath. "Okay, I trust you."

With a final finishing swipes Bow declared her done. Adora turned towards the mirror and had to admit, Bow was an artist. She looked good. Hell, she looked hot. While Bow had been doing her makeup, Glimmer had braided back her bangs and front part of her hair on the right side, and the three small french braids disappeared into the rest of her hair, which hung loose. Bow had rubbed some type of shimmer stuff onto her collarbone and the sides of her eyes, and if she looked close enough she swore some had gotten into her hair.

"Uh, yea." Bow said, noticing her looking. "You definitely want to shower tonight if you don't want to get glitter on your pillow."

"MY pillow!" Glimmer interrupted.

"Oh, in that case it won't matter!" Bow said with a wink.

"Bow!" Glimmer exclaimed. 

Finally they were all ready. Much like Adora, Bow wore shorts and a crop top. Glimmer rounded out their crop top trio, pairing hers with a loose skirt. 

"Best Friend Squad, ready for action!" Bow exclaimed as they posed in the mirror for obligatory selfies. 

"We are gonna get fucked tonight!" Glimmer said with just a little too much intensity.

"Let's not forget that we have 9 am class in the morning!" Adora said as she glared at the two of them.

"Okay, new plan. Glimmer and I stay sober, Adora gets drunk."

"I am NOT on board with that!" Glimmer shoved at Bow's shoulder.

"Or none of us could drink!" Adora tried, giving her best smile.

The suggestion didn't last. Ten minutes into arriving at the party, Glimmer had already acquired a drink and shoved a second into Adora's hand. The common room was large enough to hold their year plus a couple others that had heard about it. This late in the night, only the students and a few floor assistants remained, so the group was careful to not let the music get too loud. 

"Remember the plan for if mom shows up?" Glimmer asked.

"Run and deny. Stay out of sight until morning." Adora declared.

At the same time Bow answered, "Grovel for mercy."

"You're both wrong. We cry."

"Your fake tears don't work anymore," Adora pointed out.

"Only because SOMEONE let slip that they were fake!" Glimmer yelled.

Adora shrugged.

"Oh wait! Forget all that. Catra just got here." Glimmer gripped Adora's hand tightly to keep her from turning around to see Catra.

"Glimmer!" Adora hissed.

"Shush, you're too obvious. Wow Adora, your girl looks good."

Adora raised an eyebrow, "Got a crush?"

Glimmer sputtered and Adora saw a hint of a blush play on Bow's cheeks. 

Glimmer finally released Adora's hand and she was able to turn enough to actually see Catra. She did look good. She had her usual tight leggings on and a loose black hoodie. She looked effortless. Adora suddenly felt completely overdone.

"Don't do that," Bow said gently. 

Adora realized she had been biting her lip.

"You look great, I promise."

"Thanks Bow." Adora took a deep breath. "So I guess I'm gonna go say hi then,"

"No!" Glimmer exclaimed. "Has everything I taught you just gone right through your head?"

"Well it's Catra so..."

"Let her come to you. And for now, we all shall go mingle."

"We mingle with these people all day," Bow whined.

"We also dance all day," Glimmer added, "and I know that's all you want to do. But we can dance after."

"This dancing is different," Bow mumbled as he followed after Glimmer.

With a last glance back at Catra, she was laughing at something her friend said and she just looked so happy, Adora followed along as well.

It was an agonizing thirteen minutes later that Adora finally saw Catra out the corner of her eye, headed her way. She quickly finished whatever was left in her drink and went to set it down, then realized she wouldn't know what to do with her hands, so she kept it. But then she had an empty drink. Panicking she quickly slipped her empty cup into Glimmer's free hand, in exchange for Glimmer's full cup. Perfect. She'd deal with Glimmer's glare later.

"So how's the crop-top brigade?" Catra asked, suddenly right beside Adora.

Adora raised an eyebrow. "Really? Nothing better?"

"Glimmer and her groupies?"

"That could work."

"Damn, never thought you'd admit to being someone's groupie."

"Glimmer has a strong personality."

"I heard that!" Glimmer called from her own conversation.

"Meant no offense, Glitter!" Catra called back.

Adora stifled a laugh.

"You look really good," Adora said after a moment.

"Really, in this?"

"Well, yea." 

"Huh. Thanks. I see you finally learned how to do eyeliner."

"Oh god no, this was all Bow."

Fuck. Glimmer's drink was nearly empty now. Did they really have this little to talk about?

"So," Adora tried. "How is your pas de deux partner?"

Catra rolled her eyes. "Is that really what you want to talk about?"

"Honestly? No."

"Ask something else then."

"You're being difficult on purpose."

Catra finally smiled. "I guess you do know me well."

"Okay then, how's being seventeen?"

"Now that I'm finally the dancing queen? Been great."

The hood of Catra's jacket was down, but hiked up enough to reach to her ears, hiding her now bare neck.

"Does your neck get cold?" Adora asked suddenly, "Without all the, you know, hair."

"Um. Sometimes."

Fuck. These drinks were a little stronger than Adora realized. "But it looks good, really good."

Catra eyed her. "So you've said before."

"Well yea," Adora said, hand on her hip. "But you didn't believe me before."

Catra raised an eyebrow and matched Adora's stance. "Is it important that I believe you?"

"For this? Absolutely."

"Oh. Well if we're complimenting each other, Bow did a good job picking out your outfit."

"It was Glimmer actually and thank you. But you don't think I could have done this myself?"

Catra laughed. "Absolutely not. Adora you had seven of the same shirt just so you could wear almost the same thing everyday when we were young." 

"They came in a pack!" Adora exclaimed.

"Yea, sure."

"They did," Adora muttered into her cup.

"Is this Fireburning?" Catra suddenly asked.

"What?"

"The song, Fireburning."

"By Sean Kingston, 2009?"

Catra was smiling now. "That's the one."

"The one we made about seventeen different dances too?" Adora asked, one eyebrow creeping higher.

"The seventeen dances you probably still remember perfectly?"

"Maybe...but anyway, do you wanna dance now?" Adora stuck her hand out a little.

"With you?" 

Adora blushed and yanked her hand back. "Um well no, or maybe,"

"Shut up," Catra said. She grabbed Adora's hand and dragged her to where Scorpia was already dancing. 

Adora laughed as Catra spun her around once before letting go. Her hand suddenly felt so very lonely. 

They danced in a group, expanding a little when Glimmer and Bow showed up, fresh drinks in hand. What was this? Third? Fourth?

The songs changed but Adora's eyes stayed on Catra. She watched her laugh as Scorpia did a bad impersonation of the robot and Adora's heart felt lighter than it had in years. Or maybe that was just the fact that her cup was empty. Again. 

They were sitting in some chairs in a corner, Adora sprawled across a couple with her head in Glimmer's lap. Glimmer was playing with pieces of her hair and kept leaning down to lick the ends before sticking them right in Adora's ear. Bow found it beyond hilarious. Adora couldn't even remember which drink number she was on. Weren't they supposed to mark it on their arms or something?

She lifted her arms to look but they were blurry and smudged blue. Stupid magic marker. 

"You guys!" Adora said, sitting up suddenly and nearly clocking Glimmer right in the face. That would have been hard to explain tomorrow.

"What?" Glimmer asked, oblivious to the two black eyes she almost got.

"Isn't Catra just, the most beautiful?" Adora slumped against the back of her own chair.

"She is really pretty," Glimmer agreed. She sat upright suddenly. "But I will not forget what she's done to you!"

"No no," Adora said, waving her hands. "That wasn't on purpose. She's not really a mean person. We've both been through a lot and her way more than me. But like she's so gorgeous. Her laugh is the best and her eyes are so stunning and her hair is just the cutest!"

"Her hair is super cute," Bow agreed, his eyes shining.

"You guys!" Adora called again. She grabbed Bow and Glimmer's hands and pulled them both in close. "What do I do about it?"

"Kiss her!" Bow said with a small squeal.

"No!" Adora yelled, drawing some eyes towards them. She grimaced and lowered her voice. "It's too soon."

"But you admit you want to kiss her?" Glimmer asked, trying to raise one of her small eyebrows.

"I admit nothing." Adora said as she lifted her chin. 

"Ooooo do you like like her?" Bow asked.

Adora shoved his face away.

Glimmer suddenly groaned and clutched at her stomach, "Okay, we gotta get home."

"No!" Adora cried jumping up. "We should dance!" She looked over at the dance floor. It was hard to tell but it looked like there were a lot less people there. How late was it?

"Uh, Glimmer doesn't look too good." Bow said as he propped Glimmer up on his shoulder.

"Bow! Dancing first." Adora insisted.

Glimmer moaned.

"Come on Adora, I need to get both of you back."

Adora pouted. 

Bow struggled to keep Glimmer upright, keep his own feet under him, and keep Adora from spinning off towards the dance floor.

"Adora, no, hold my hand!" 

"For dancing?"

"Not for dancing!"

Adora frowned. "Then you don't get my hand."

"Adora!" Bow shouted.

"Everything okay?" a voice asked next to them.

"Catra!" Adora exclaimed, spinning out of Bow's grip and swinging her arm around Catra, causing her to let out a little oof.

"Gross Adora, you're heavy." Catra pushed some of Adora's weight off of her.

"I'm trying to get them both back." Bow explained, hoisting Glimmer up a little higher.

"I can take Adora," Catra offered. She gently pried the string of her hoodie out of Adora's hands.

"You would?" Bow asked, hopeful.

"Yea. What, you don't trust me or something?"

"What? No. Of course I trust you, I'm just surprised."

"I can be nice sometimes, ballet boy."

Glimmer shifted again and Bow yelped as he tried to keep her up.

"Just give her water and-"

"-and asprin and I'll make sure to close the blinds because the light will hurt her eyes and she gets headaches easily, yea I know." Catra said with an eyeroll.

"Right. Okay, night."

Catra gave a half-hearted wave and then turned back to Adora. "Okay princess, ready for bed?"

"Dance first?" Adora asked, tugging gently on one of Catra's hands. 

Catra looked around the room. It was past midnight and only a couple people still milled around. The music was a lot quieter now and she could already feel eyes on them.

"We can dance in our room."

"Promise?" Adora asked. 

Catra looked down and Adora had her pinky out.

"Yea, promise." She linked their pinkies together and was surprised when Adora immediately tapped her forehead to her own knuckles, although she missed a little, and then gave them a kiss. Catra was floored. She didn't think Adora remembered. 

Catra let Adora swing an arm back over her shoulders as she led Adora back to their dorm. She couldn't get over how much taller Adora was now. And stronger. She could feel her muscles moving through the thin shirt.

Adora leaned her head onto Catra's shoulder and Catra groaned. "Adora, you're getting glitter all over me."

"But you're so comfy." Adora turned and pushed her face further towards Catra's neck and Catra had to work to keep her breathing even as she pried her off. 

"So comfy and so pretty."

Catra chose to ignore that. It was likely just the alcohol talking. Adora seemed like she'd be a clingy drunk. She finally managed to maneuver Adora into their room and deposited her on her bed. As soon as she was down though, Adora popped right back up.

"Is my Flicka book in the wrong spot?"

"No," Catra said quickly, like a liar.

"Oh. Time to dance?" Adora asked, very gently reaching down for Catra's hand. 

Catra sighed. Adora was still as stubborn as ever. "One dance."

Adora fucking beamed. "I have the perfect song."

She sprang away from Catra and over to her CD player.

"Really Adora?"

"Shhh!"

Adora slid a CD into the player and rapidly clicked the skip button a bunch of times. 'Enchanted' by Taylor Swift started.

"Really Adora?" Exasperated now.

Adora grinned. "Really." 

She walked back over to Catra and Catra swore her eyes were already looking much clearer. Adora gently took one of Catra's hands again.

"It's a slow dance," she said.

"I know it's a slow dance," Catra grumbled.

"It's one of the songs I really wished we could listen to together." Adora held Catra's hand in her own, and her other wrapped around Catra's waist, loosely. 

"You had songs you wanted to listen to me with?" Her own hand rested on Adora's waist, just below Adora's own arm.

"Yea, a whole list."

Catra hated her in this moment. So much. She wanted to scream at her. To yell. Adora didn't get to decide to be hurt, Adora had left, Adora-

The beat hit and Adora spun Catra around before pulling her back in with a laugh. They were closer now and Adora's cheek brushed against the crown of Catra's head. The beat picked up again but they stayed close and slow, just swaying back and forth.

The music was quiet and Adora was singing softly along and she smelled so much the same and Catra just couldn't do it.

"You've gotten really beautiful, you know." Adora said quietly. "You've always been cute and adorable, and then you were really pretty," Adora continued, as though Catra's worldview wasn't shattering or anything. "But it's been so long and you're really beautiful."

Catra suddenly shoved Adora back, pulling her own hands up to your chest. Adora looked up at her with a shocked expression. 

"You're drunk." Catra said. "You're drunk and you don't know what you're saying."

Adora's eyebrows knitted together. "Yes I do, and I'm not that drunk anymore."

Catra sighed. "Come on, you need to wash off that makeup."

They were silent in the bathroom. Adora wiped at her face with the makeup wipes Catra handed her. When Adora realized she didn't have her toothbrush with her, she turned to realize Catra was already holding it out.

They walked back to the dorm in silence. 

"I'm sorry." Adora said quietly once the door had shut behind them.

"For what?" 

"Being too much." 

"Adora," Catra said with a sigh. "You're not too much. I was just angry for so long. I still am. I need time."

"I keep pushing too hard," Adora said, still staring at the wall.

"I keep pushing back," Catra admitted.

Adora turned to look at her.

"Come on, it's time for bed." Catra finally said. She was tired of their late night confessions tonight and how much Adora seemed to draw out of her.

Catra set an alarm on her phone, back turned as Adora pulled on her pajamas.

"Do you need to change?" Adora asked.

"I'll sleep in this." Catra said.

They both stood there, in the dark, the sounds of the city passing eight floors below them.

"Can I have a hug goodnight?" 

After a moment Adora turned back to her bed. And then...

"Yea."

Adora spun around.

"Sure." Catra said again. Then she held her arms out a bit.

Adora stepped in and gently wrapped her own arms around Catra's shoulders. 

"I'm not going to break," Catra said with a huff.

Adora laughed softly and tightened her arms for a moment before stepping back. 

"Thanks," Adora said. She turned and slid into her bed. 

"Yea, whatever." Catra said as she did the same.

"I just have a hard time falling asleep without a goodnight hug and Glimmer left before giving me one and I forgot to ask Bow and it's too late to go wake them up so, yeah. Okay, goodnight."

It wasn't until Catra heard Adora's breathing even out that she muttered, "I remember."

\---------------------------------------------------

When Adora woke up the next morning to Catra's side of the room being empty, she worried the day would be awkward. Sure she was drunk the night before, but by the time she got back to the room she remembered everything. 

The water bottle and aspirin on the side of her bed told her she probably didn't have to worry but still, who was Adora if she wasn't worrying?

Bow was glowing like always, and poor Glimmer faked a stomach cramp mid-morning and went back to her room, looking a little green. Adora giggled while Bow slapped her arm, concerned.

Adora caught Catra's eye as Glimmer shuffled out and the other girl mouthed 'weak'. Adora rolled her eyes. Okay so, things seemed normal enough.

Glimmer returned that afternoon and the three stood in a huddle during a small break in afternoon class.

"So what happened after we left?" Glimmer asked, nudging at Adora's shoulder.

Adora shrugged. "Like I said, Catra's actually nice. She just isn't the best at showing it. We talked some, she helped me get ready for bed, plugged in my phone. When I woke up there was water waiting for me."

Bow 'awwed'. 

Glimmer raised an eyebrow. "She didn't say anything mean?"

"Like I said, she's not a bad person."

"Woah okay," Glimmer said. "No need to get short."

Adora sighed. "I'm sorry. I just saw the Catra and Adora that we used to be last night. I want that again."

"And we want that for you too, we just want you to be careful," Bow said.

"I know, I know. She just needs time. To be honest, we both do. We need to actually sit down and talk before our friendship can go anywhere."

"Friendship," Glimmer murmured. 

"Yes." Adora said as she cut her a glare. 

"I think friendship sounds great!" Bow added. They both ignored him.


	7. Math Is Supposed To Be A Universal Language But the Universe Didn't Take Into Account Lesbians as Oblivious As You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY NOW WE ARE GETTING BACK TO BALLET SORRY I KNOW THAT TOOK A TURN

Catra wasn't really having the best day. The party had been days ago and she was doing her best to go back to what she and Adora were before that. Distant. Careful. Safe.

The night of the party had lowered her defenses. Adora had looked like literal sunshine herself, dancing and spinning and laughing. Leaning into Catra and playing with her hair and trusting her to get Adora back safe. 

It was all just too much. So Catra ran. 

But now it was Friday and Catra had half a small bottle of vodka she'd swiped from the party and she just wanted to climb onto a roof with Lonnie and forget for a night. But Lonnie had to go and be busy with her real job and Catra was left out, again.

Even Adora had muttered something about going to see her parents or something for the evening. So Catra was free.

Except she didn't quite feel like drinking alone. And it was too early to be up on the roof without being caught. And stupid sweet Adora's side of the room was all too achingly familiar after Sunday night.

Catra missed Adora. But more specifically, she missed the Adora she used to know. The one that knew her better than she knew herself. The one who fought kids just for looking at Catra wrong, who dared to take twice the helping of food just so they could have midnight snacks. The one who was brave enough to climb up the water tower, until she was so small that Catra yelled for her to get down with such a tremble in her voice she was teased for months.

The one who asked her for a goodnight hug every single night, even when they would just both wind up in Adora's bed thirty minutes after lights out anyway.

But that was the Adora that left her.

Catra couldn't handle this and she was running out of places to run. 

She opened up the bottom drawer of her dresser. The old faded shirt that Lonnie had put in her bag was still down there. Still folded. She picked it up. It smelled like home. Not like the house, but like her and Lonnie. It was the same smell that once belonged to Adora too.

Catra sighed and slipped it on. It was so thin that some of the seams were starting to rip. The letters were half faded off. It was the comfiest damn thing in the world. 

Catra pulled on some faded shorts and thick socks. The damn dorms got cold, and thick socks were thick socks, despite the kittens adorning the outside of these. Then she cracked open the bottle of vodka and pressed play on her 'yearning' playlist. If she was gonna do this, she was gonna do it right.

She had just taking the first sip when the door flew open. Adora still hadn't learned how to open the things properly.

She sputtered and sat upright, her hand flying to turn the music off. "Adora?"

"Oops, sorry. Hey Catra I just-"

Adora froze. Literally froze. She had one foot still extended mid-walk and her mouth was open.

"What?" Catra asked as she sat up fully and shoved the bottle behind her. She didn't think this was going to be the thing Adora decided to get uptight over. 

"Is that, is that my shirt?"

Catra scoffed. "Your shirt?"

Adora finally unfroze and put her hands on her hips. "Yes. The one you stole from me."

"This has always been my shirt."

Adora narrowed her eyes. It was a bullshit lie and Catra knew it.

Finally Adora softened. "I don't really care whose it was. I can't believe you still have it." She walked over like she was going to finger the cuff of the sleeve and Catra shifted back a centimeter. Adora paused. Right. "It's been what, ten years?"

Catra scoffed. "Try thirteen. You've had this shirt since Octavia took pity on you when we were four."

"Ha! So you admit it was mine!"

"Key word: was."

"It's fine. I'm just glad it's here."

"Yeah well, after you left Lonnie and I kept fighting over it. She snuck it in my bag when I left and I figured I can't disappoint so," Catra gestured weakly at herself. "Anyway what are you doing here? Don't you have some family bonding game night to attend with your parents."

Adora did a weird little waving motion with her hand as she finally turned back to her own side of the room. She rummaged around for a textbook. "I did. But Micah got caught up with some work and apparently one of our Nutcracker choreographers won't be able to leave Russia in time, so Angella's having to interview one tonight, so Glimmer and I are on our own for dinner. And I left this," Adora waved her math book. 

"Math on a friday night?" Catra asked. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. The bottle of vodka was still safely wedged under the blanket at her hip.

"Well, I'm still not the best at it. Glimmer tries to help me but she's not really a very patient tutor. So mostly I try to figure it out by myself. There are actually some really helpful youtube videos!"

Catra nodded, remembering the countless hours spent over mere elementary-level math. She couldn't imagine Adora now. "I can help, if you want."

"Now?" Adora asked, surprised.

Catra shrugged. Guess she could drink later.

"Okay, but I don't want to take up too much of your time."

"Just open the damn book, Adora."

-  
-  
It wasn't as bad as Catra had thought it would be. Adora was really shit at this, which Catra found surpirsing given all the money Glimmer's family had. She figured Adora would have tutors or something.

"Wow," Adora breathed as she finished yet another equation in record time. "This is the easiest time I've had since middle school. You're really good at explaining this."

"Nah, I just know how your mind works."

Adora smiled and Catra kicked herself. Idiot thing to say. "Do the next one," she mumbled, nudging at Adora's knee.

They had pulled both their chairs up to Adora's desk and were hunched over the same workbook. Catra had insisted on going back to the beginning of the semester to make sure Adora actually understood what they were doing. Catra glanced at the clock and realized it had nearly been an hour.

"Oh shit," she said. "Don't you have to get home?"

Adora blinked at the clock and then picked up her phone. It lit up to a screen full of texts and the reminder slammed into Catra that this wasn't her life. Adora had her own life now.

Adora was busy tapping at her phone so Catra nudged her again. "You should hurry if you want to get home before dark."

Adora looked up and raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying you don't think I can handle the city after dark?"

"Oh Adora, I know you can't."

Adora laughed and shoved at Catra's knees, nearly knocking her off the chair.

"Hey!" Catra cried.

"Sorry," Adora said. Clearly not meaning it. "But no actually. Apparently Angella has another interview tomorrow morning so she's just going to stay the night instead of driving two hours back home and then back again tomorrow morning. And Micah just downloaded some new accounting thing," she paused to show Catra a selfie from Micah, she assumed, grinning madly at a blurry computer screen, "which means he'll work until he passes out around three am."

"So what are you going to do?"

Adora sighed and leaned back. "Well Glimmer is probably going to facetime Bow all night. But I can go. I really really appreciate your help. I'll let you get back to your vodka."

Adora winked, looking like a complete and utter dork, and Catra's mouth fell open. She really didn't even think Adora had noticed.

Adora stacked up her workbook and was sliding it back into her desk, homework for the weekend now done, when Catra finally spoke up.

"You can stay, if you want. No one else is here this weekend so maybe I can finally show you some modern music."

"You want me to stay?"

"Only if you want to."

Adora looked up from her shoes. Catra had moved back to her dorm bed. She leaned against the wall, fiddling with the bottle that was now in her lap. The Nirvana shirt had always been big, practically swallowing them as children, but even as they grew it had stretched with age. The neckline hung low on Catra's collarbone. She looked open, or as open as Catra could be. And Adora never thought in a million years she would see Catra again and now that she was back in her life, she never thought she'd get this. Catra was looking off to the side, but the way her fingers picked at the label of the bottle told Adora all she needed to know.

"Of course I want to."

\-------------------------------------------

It isn't how it was, of course it can't be. But it's something new, and it's something them. Or at least Adora hopes so. She texts Glimmer that she'll be back late, no response of course, and Catra rolled her eyes so hard when Adora went to sit on the floor that she found herself on Catra's bed, leaning against one wall with Catra against the other. They were close enough for their knees to bump, but weren't forced to look right at each other.

They passed the bottle back and forth as Catra fiddled with her phone and speaker. Adora was more careful with the alcohol this time, remembering how nauseous she felt last week. 

Catra pressed play and slow notes began to fill the room. Adora was listening to Catra explain the song and the band and the album, really she was. But mostly she was paying attention to the way Catra's face lit up and how she laughed when certain songs would come on. How she used her hands in that fast and careless way like she did when they were young.

It hit Adora that the Catra sitting in front of her was every bit the exact same and completely different. She wondered how Catra saw her. 

The bottle's nearly gone. They've both slumped down lower, their knees pressed firmly into each other now.

Adora looks over to Catra, her short hair tucked up into another beanie, and for the millionth time wondered just how okay she really was after Adora left.

Catra's phone vibrates a couple of times. She picks it up with a lazy hand and laughs. 

"What is it?" Adora asks, taking a sip of the bottle and leaning over to bump Catra's knee with her nose. It felt right.

"Lonnie." Catra swats Adora's head, but gently, and reaches for the bottle.

"Lonnie? Did you guys get close, after I."

"After you left? Yeah." Catra drops her phone and looks back up at Adora. "We got close. Fought like crazy still, but it was different. And we were older too, suddenly we weren't the youngest anymore. We had others to look out for and stuff."

"I'm sorry I left," Adora whispered. 

"Don't." Catra's hands are clenched and Adora knew she fucked up. "Not tonight Adora, just don't."

"Okay." She says it so softly that she has to say it again, to make sure Catra heard her. "Okay."

They end up listening to music for another hour, talking some, never about anything important. Adora is too scared to break what fragile thing they've created and Catra resolutely avoids any topics that involve using more than one braincell.

When Micah calls Adora on his way home, asking if she needs a ride, she knows it's best to go. And as she waves bye to Catra, who is now curled up on the bed and looking very close to sleep, Adora realizes with a sharp breath that if she had known how deeply she would lose Catra when Micah and Angella showed up, she never would have gone with them at all.

\-------------------

Things aren't different per say, but the dynamic has shifted. Catra is no longer MIA most of the day. Adora feels more comfortable to joke with her in the halls. They do their homework together. Actually together, instead of just side by side, sitting in tense silence. 

It's good, Adora thinks. At least for a little while. And then like a faulty pointe shoe, like a slick spot on the floor, like when the music is too fast and the pas de deux is off, everything comes crashing back down.

It starts one night. Easy, simple, the new normal. Catra is laughing at Adora's drawing in her math notes, which takes the place of the equations she was supposed to be copying down earlier. Catra's phone starts buzzing, in quick rapid succession like it always seems to, and Adora frowns when Catra picks it up.

Catra lets out a groan as she types back. A second later, the phone rings.

"Really?" Catra asks when she answers it.

The volume is too low to hear over the soft music they have playing and Adora does her best to not look too interested.

"You know you can't trust anything that bitch says."

The other person must answer because Catra rolls her eyes, but then she gets serious.

"Alright, if you're for real."

Adora bites at the end of her pencil. 

"Okay, be there in fifteen. Don't leave without me."

Catra swings her body off the bed and pulls a hoodie over her head, ruffling the hair there. 

"Where are you going?" Adora asks, suddenly anxious. She remembers how hurt Catra was the last time she came back. She remembers the words whispered in the dark halls of their foster home, the kids who didn't come back.

"Don't worry about it, Adora."

Adora frowned. "That's silly. You know I always worry."

"Well you shouldn't, it's not like it's your job anymore. That stopped being your job the second you left!"

Adora would normally shrink back, but this time she's mad. And they've spent far too long tiptoeing around this. It's not how she thought tonight would end, but if Catra wants to start something, Adora was going to finish it. "You know it's not just me who left Catra! I tried so hard to keep us close. I called everyday, I looked for you everywhere."

"Yeah, I know. It was annoying as fuck."

"So you were avoiding me then."

"Obviously!"

"Then it's not just my fault!" Adora was standing now, shouting.

"Only because I'm always the one to take the blame. Guess new parents can wipe the shadow that Weaver left over you."

Adora froze. "You don't mean that."

"You're practically her clone." Catra hissed. She jammed her feet into her shoes and wrenched the window open. "Don't wait up," she snarled. 

And then she was gone.

Adora dropped back into her chair. What just happened?

They were getting closer. They were doing better. And now...this.

It only took Adora a second to decide what to do. She yanked on a thick pair of jeans and grabbed her jacket and a dark hat from Catra's side of the room. She slid her phone into her bra and then eased the window open. The darkness loomed beneath her and the street lights looked oh so tiny. But Catra did it, so she could too.

A few heartstopping moments later and Adora was flying down the fire escape. She couldn't see Catra anymore, but she was pretty sure she knew where she was headed. 

This was over. Whatever debt Catra still had to pay, it ended tonight.

\----------------

Catra really really didn't want to be back here. But Lonnie sounded scared on the phone. Actually and legitimately scared. And Catra hated that. So of course she had to go. She knew Weaver wouldn't let them go. The way she still lorded some hold over Catra told her that much. 

And the more they listened to her, the more they followed along, the more she would use them. So tomorrow Catra was going to march right into the Brightmoon office and confess. See how much they still wanted her to have her scholarship then. It was going to suck, but it had to be better than this.

Catra was jogging now, and she whipped around the corner towards the dark part of the park, where the street lights had been busted out long ago, that she almost ran straight into Lonnie.

"Woah," Lonnie said, reaching out to steady her. 

"Sorry."Catra threw her hand out against the brick wall to stop. "Come on, we gotta go."

Lonnie followed closely behind, hands twisted into her bag straps. "Where are we going?"

"I have a friend. You can stay with her moms."

"Those bookstore people?" Lonnie scoffed.

Catra reached out to smack her arm. "Now you wanna be cocky? They're nice. They'll help and won't ask a lot of questions. Plus I'll still get to see you."

"Aw, don't tell me you're getting attached now."

"I'm not." Catra said, shoving her hands into her pockets. "Obviously."

"Obviously."

They were headed out of the neighborhood, dubbed the Fright Zone by the packs of kids that roamed around, and into the more upscale part of the city.

"So what finally broke you?" Catra eventually asked.

She was surprised when Lonnie actually answered.

"I don't think Weaver is doing well. The three younger kids got taken away today and she went fucking feral."

"Really?"

"Apparently her reach isn't as wide as she'd like to think."

Catra mulled over that for a moment. Weaver had always been an all-present ominous being in her life. But if she was on edge, maybe Catra could do a little more in her meeting with the Brightmoon people tomorrow.

Catra was deep in thought and missed the three dark shadows standing at the next corner. Lonnie darted an arm out to yank her back, but they had already seen them.

"Hey!" One called.

"Run," Lonnie breathed. 

They took off. Lonnie rounded a street corner with Catra on her heels. They turned into an ally way and Catra gave Lonnie a boost up to the fire escape. Lonnie was reaching down to help Catra as well when the three caught up to them.

One yanked Catra back and she hit the ground hard. In an instant, Lonnie was on them too. Catra felt a sharp kick to her stomach but she managed to roll onto her knees and get up, narrowly avoiding the next kick. She swung one of her own, and the past month of ballet had really helped. The guy wheezed as he knelt to the ground, holding his crotch. 

Lonnie used her backpack to swing at the second guy's head, and he dropped fast. Before Catra could shoot her a grin, the third had Catra in a headlock, lifting her high over the ground so her feet kicked helplessly. The one Catra had kicked was staggering back up to his feet and lunged for Lonnie. 

The grip was too tight and Catra could see spots begin to dance before her eyes. Blood roared in her ears. Suddenly the pressure was gone and Catra dropped to the ground on all fours. Her vision returned slowly as she coughed.

She heard the crack of a first on bone behind her and turned to see the third man fall to the ground. She looked over but Lonnie was knocking out the second man, the one Catra had kicked. Blurry and confused, Catra turned back to see the new person tuck a strand of blonde hair back into her hat. 

"Adora?" Catra croaked out.

Adora was at her side in an instant. 

"Catra oh my god, are you okay?"

"Hey!" Lonnie yelled, and Adora had to dodge the punch Lonnie swung her way.

"Lonnie!" Adora yelped. 

Lonnie froze. "Adora?"

Adora pushed her head back a little and Catra realized that Adora had stole her hat. Annoying. 

Lonnie and Adora stood looking at each other, frozen for a moment. Catra struggled to her feet and Adora was back at her side. Catra shrugged her off.

"What are you even doing here, Adora?" Catra asked as Lonnie picked her bag back up.

"I told you, I was worried."

"And I told you, fuck off!" Catra fired back. She started walking briskly towards the street, this time her eyes darting around. Lonnie followed quickly and after a moment Adora scrambled to catch up.

"Are you serious Catra? You two literally just needed help and now you're going to tell me to fuck off?"

"We didn't need your help."

"You were suffocating!" 

"Was she always this irritating?" Lonnie mumbled to Catra's left.

"Yes," Catra mumbled back.

"I heard that!" 

"Adora look, this is our thing now, okay. Me and Lonnie. Not you. We've got this. Go back to Brightmoon."

She and Lonnie kept walking and after a moment Adora started following again.

"What if I don't know how to get back in?" She asked in a quiet voice.

"Seriously?! Figure it out! Or just walk through the front door! It's not like they're going to do anything to you."

"Angella is actually very serious about consequences for your-" Adora trailed off when she realized how small that statement was about to appear in the face of where they currently were.

"You got yourself out, you can get yourself back in. This isn't your world anymore."

"Okay," Adora said softly. And then she was gone.

Catra rolled her shoulders back. She was relieved, really. She kept going, watching out the corner of her eye as Adora tugged her hat back low over her face and took off down a side street. At least they were out of the worst part of town and she was headed the right way.

After a couple of streets spent in silence Lonnie spoke up. "So, seems you and Adora are the same as always."

Catra would have laughed if it didn't hurt so much.

\---------------------------------------

The next morning, walking out of the Brightmoon office after her spending nearly her whole lunch hour in it, Catra felt relieved. It wasn't something she was used to doing, or had ever done.

She had worried the entire morning, missing steps in class, ignoring the looks Adora sent her. Bruises ringed her neck but her leotard with the high collar hid that perfectly well.

In morning pas de deux, the teacher announced that Bow, Adora, Catra, and her partner were chosen to perform a short piece for parent's night in two weeks. Catra couldn't even find herself to be happy when she heard, not with what was going to go down at lunch.

But now it was over, and far better than Catra had anticipated. Catra had spilled everything. Or everything she could while still putting a pearly glow on it. She didn't care. If Weaver was on the edge of falling, Catra was going to be the one to give her the last shove. And the documented manipulation Weaver had dumped into her virtual lap, plus what Lonnie had handed her last night, was enough.

And somehow, Angella had believed her. Believed her, trusted her, and sent her back to class with a sandwich and a promise to alert security to keep an eye out for the numerous people Catra described. 

As Catra walked slowly through the halls, she really wasn't sure what to think. Sitting in that chair, asking for help, had gone against every fiber of her being. She still wanted to throw up. She wanted to punch the nearest person. But Angella hadn't made it harder. She hadn't look at her with pity, or too much anger, or that righteousness that Adora always carried around. She had just listened. Then she had asked Catra what she wanted to do.

Wild.

So Catra pushed whatever she was feeling far down deep. She'd deal with it later. 

And when she stepped back into the studio after academic classes that afternoon, things seemed just a little bit better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm almost done actually writing this, although there is a lot written that's not posted yet, and im so excited.


	8. Feelings...The Bain Of Our Existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew school is...a lot harder than i remember.
> 
> good news! ive only posted about 70 pages of this and have 100 written, and of what's written it's almost done :)

After the fight on the street, Adora can tell that Catra's a little...different. She isn't as tense. And Adora swears she sees Angella and Catra actually exchange a glance in the hall at one point. Whatever that is.

They see each other more now for rehearsals. Glimmer isn't happy about it all, but Angella's been saying for years that Glimmer needs to take ballet more seriously. Adora personally thinks that Glimmer brushes it off just to spite her mom sometimes. Despite all the years between them, sometimes Adora just wishes Glimmer would wake up and see how good she has it.

Adora and Bow are stretching with Catra and Rahl after late night rehearsals. 

"I think we should lift on the second 'bum'," Bow is saying. "It's right in the middle of a count, so it's kind of hard. But we've tried it on both 2 and 3 and it just isn't working."

"I agree," Catra adds, and Adora is surprised.

Bow flashes Catra a small smile so of course she sticks her tongue out in return.

"Want to try it now?" Rahl asks, standing up.

Catra stands too with a shrug and Adora's happy for how comfortable she seems. Even if their own relationship may be messy and confusing, she wants Catra to be happy. It's all she's ever wanted.

And if this is what Catra wants right now, Adora's glad to give it.

They run through the lift a couple of times, until they have it perfect with the music. Adora wants to keep going, but she knows Bow's exhausted.

They wrap it up and Adora grabs her water as the others pack up.

"Adora?" Bow asked. "Aren't you coming?"

She shakes her head. "I need to work on my turns more."

"It's past eleven." Bow points out.

Adora does her best to smile at him. "I know, but I won't be long."

It takes a minute for him to relent but he finally does. Catra stays though, eyes narrowed.

"I thought you weren't talking to me," Adora says as she readjusts her pointe shoes and slides a CD into the stereo.

"I'm not."

"Then why are you here?"

Catra shrugged. "No reason I guess."

Then she's gone.

Adora shakes it out her head. Ever since Catra arrived she's started to lose focus on what's most important; ballet. Not that it's Catra's fault. It's Adora who has let herself go. She clicks play and starts on the turn sequence. 

One, two, three, and down. Again. And Again. The music starts over. One more time.

The clock inches towards midnight and Adora's muscles are shaking but she finally feels better. Calmer. 

She's walking over to her water bottle when Glimmer flings the door open. The bang of it hitting the wall makes Adora jump.

"Fuck, Glimmer. What's up?"

"What are you doing?" Glimmer asks, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Just practicing."

"At midnight."

Wow. Adora didn't even realize the time. She shrugs. "Yeah."

Glimmer's arms cross in front of her body and she glares. "You just want to be the best that badly."

Adora frowns now. "Glimmer what is this about?"

"Nothing. Except for the fact that my two best friends are now the shining stars of the academy. Along with Catra out of all people. And you can just cast me aside because suddenly you're all besties in all your extra rehearsal time and you don't even need me anymore."

"No one is casting you aside!" Adora exclaims, unsure where to start in all of that.

"We haven't properly hung out in weeks!"

Adora's mad now. "We see each other all day. We always eat lunch together."

"Maybe, but it's not the same. You're all distracted now. And you're always at extra practice with Bow or doing homework with Catra, and I never get to fall asleep next to you and talk about our day!"

"You miss talking about our day together?"

"Of course I do!" Glimmer yells, throwing her hands up in the air. "But you're so wrapped up in your own head you don't give a shit about me."

"Glimmer you're just over exaggerating." Adora hopes it'll calm her down, but it's immediately clear that it's the wrong thing to say. Adora knows it, but she can't exactly snatch the words back out of the air. 

Glimmer's eyes narrow and Adora can feel the temperature drop. "Yeah? Well you're just chasing after some childhood crush that left you in the dust years ago. Grow up, Adora."

Glimmer turns on her heel and the door slams behind her.

Adora brushes back tears as she hits play again on the music. She's far from done.

\------------------------

With everyone important in her life mad at her, Adora throws herself into her dance. She arrives early to every class, stays late when she can. She gives up study hours for extra time in the studio, and then when her grades started to dip she gives up sleep for extra study time.

Okay maybe everyone wasn't mad at her. Bow certainly wasn't. Just...concerned.

But Catra and Glimmer were, and that was enough.

The day before parent's day came fast, as did the last rehearsal for their group. Adora had avoided going back to her dorm room all day, because that's where Catra likes to hang out and if Adora has to see Catra's face, as to look at Catra's dissapointment, she'll break. In all, it just means that she has to carry around an extra-heavy bag for all the stuff she would just normally go back to her dorm for.

She presses her hands against the cold porcelein of the sink in the bathroom outside the studio where tomorrow all the parents and guests will be gathering, ready to see the most stellar the academy has to offer. She's trying to take steadying breaths as she wipes at her face with a damp paper towel. She looks into the mirror and grimaces. It doesn't do much.

"You look like shit."

Adora jumps and spins around. She hisses as the bone in her wrist slams into the side of the sink.

"Catra. What are you doing here?" Adora squares her shoulders and turns back around.

"Using the bathroom before we rehearsal. But seriously, you don't look good. Are you even going to be able to perform?"

"Yes." Adora snaps.

Catra scoffs. "Have you even been sleeping?"

"Of course I have."

"The library doesn't count."

A deep sigh. "Why do you even care, Catra?"

It was quiet for a moment. Long enough that Adora dives up and begins shoving her stuff back in her bag. It was time for rehearsal anyway. 

She went to brush by Catra but stopped. She was blocking too much of the door.

"Please move." 

"I do care about you, Adora."

"You have a funny way of showing it."

\--------------------------

Adora leaves and Catra turns to punch the wall but pulls back at the last second. Adora may be spiraling into some self-destruction pit, but Catra was over that. Things had been surprisingly okay and Catra thought that maybe she and Adora could start fixing whatever remained between them. But as soon as Catra was ready, Adora was just gone.

Catra cursed to the empty bathroom and left.

In the rehearsal studio Adora was fine. But Catra saw the way her smile fell as soon as the teacher's back was turned. She noticed the way her foot shook ever so slightly. The way her hands couldn't stop pulling out bobby pins from her already-perfect bun only to shove them back in.

Adora was going to break, and Catra could only hope she wised up before she did.

Like the past week, Adora left the second rehearsal ended. Catra grabbed at Bow's arm before he could leave, waiting until Rahl left them alone in the studio.

"Dude, she's not okay," Catra says as she leans against a barre.

Bow sighs, "I know."

"So why haven't you fixed it?"

"Adora's not really easy to get through to when she's like this. It's hard to know what's really going on, she gets so closed off."

Catra raises an eyebrow. "Really? She's one of the easiest people to read."

Bow gapes. "You're kidding right? She'd do this when we were younger too, just clam up and throw herself into her work. Then some time goes by and she's back to sunny Adora and we all pretend it never happened."

"So, you guys would just leave her like that?"

"Well we try to talk to her! I don't know why she's so mad."

"She isn't mad, dumbass. She's scared. Or hurt."

"She told you?"

Catra scoffs. "Like I said, she isn't hard to read. What's Glitter say about it all?"

"They're not talking." Bow says, picking at his nails. "I'm usually the middleman but Adora isn't talking to me either. She isn't talking to anybody."

Huh. Well that's unexpected.

"I thought her and Glitter knew everything about each other."

Bow grins a little at that. "You'd think, but sometimes they're both denser than rocks. Do you think you can talk to Adora? Maybe try to get through to her?"

"Trust me, she does not want to talk to me."

"Can you try though? I'm getting scared, she's barely sleeping. She just eats granola bars so she can avoid us all in the cafeteria. I found her in the library at four am last night, writing some paper. I want to tell Angella, but I know it'll only make her madder."

Catra sighs. "Fine. I'll talk to her. But we can't let this mess up tomorrow."

"Right, scholarship." 

And for once, Catra wasn't mad at that. "Yeah, scholarship."

"Well thanks, Catra."

"Yeah."

Bow leaves and Catra turns to stare at herself in the mirror. Well. Fuck.

\----

Catra had to give to Adora. The girl was a better liar than she let on. Despite knowing for a fact that Adora hadn't returned to their dorm last night, which had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Catra couldn't sleep without Adora there, Adora looked as bright and bubbly as ever.

The two were in the dressing room off the studio rooms, waiting for the parents to settle down and the class to begin their pieces. As they were the lowest level, the whole group would perform a piece that they had worked on in class before the indivudal pieces, including their small group, performed. Catra tugged at her tutu, dyed the same dark green as those around her.

Adora smiled brightly at one of the other students as she fixed her bun. Glimmer glowered in a corner. 

They were called out and Catra made sure to set her shoulders and ribs before following along in the order they had practiced the day before. As they settled into place and waited for the music to begin, Catra did a quick scan of the audience. She was relieved to see that no one from Shadow Weaver's ring had showed up. She wouldn't put it past them. 

She was surprised though to see Scorpia's moms waving at her. She gave a small smile back and they beamed. At least Lonnie wasn't there. Catra got enough slack from Lonnie on a regular basis for ballet, she didn't need the image of her in a tutu burned into Lonnie's brain forever. 

The music began and all thoughts left Catra's head. It was just her, the brush of bodies next to her, and the counts ticking by in her head. She lost herself to it.

\---------------------------

Afterwards, in the dressing room, Adora brushed by the other girls to grab her next costume. She had time to change, but she wanted to run through it again, drink some water, and try to quell the uneasy feeling in her stomach. She didn't do well with people mad at her.

She had tried to talk to Glimmer several times since that night in the studio, but the girl was becoming better and better at avoiding her. Adora squeezed the side of her locker and tried to control her breathing. Glimmer couldn't avoid her forever, right? Or maybe she'd get so mad at Adora that the Moonstones would decide they didn't need a second daughter after all, or maybe...

"You okay?" 

Adora's head jerked up. Catra stood next to her, a hand half raised towards her. It dropped suddenly when Adora's eyes fell on it.

"Yeah." Adora turned away, wiping very carefully at her eyes. She was too nervous to ask Glimmer to do her eyeliner and Bow was in the boy's dressing room, so she'd spent nearly half an hour trying to do it herself.

"Okay."

"I'm running through it once more, if you want to join." Adora said, her back still to Catra.

"Are you sure? You look a little shaky."

Adora spun around, her smiled bright and features smoothed. "I'm fine. Are you joining or not?"

"Sure, " Catra said, so softly Adora almost didn't here it. "I'll join."

"Great. Meet me in the hall in five."

\------------------------------

Catra frowned as she watched Adora walk away. This wasn't right. But it probably was just the stress of the day. Adora would be better by tomorrow. Totally better. 

Catra quickly changed and followed Adora out into the hall. From the look of Bow's face, he was worried too. Poor Rahl was oblivious. Bow shot Catra a look but she shook her head. He sighed and looked back to Adora, who was stretching her feet so far forward that Catra winced.

They ran through it once, and when they finished the other levels were still performing so Bow and Rahl stretched along the bench in the hall. Adora disappeared back into the dressing room. After several long minutes Bow jerked his head towards the door.

"You should check on her." He said.

"She's probably fine," Catra answered.

"Catra," Bow practically whined.

"Ugh, fine." She pushed open the door but didn't see Adora. She turned the corner, to where there was a small bit of marley floor set up in front of a trio of mirrors. Adora was there, running through the steps. Catra watched as she reached the end of the number and immediately started from the beginning.

"You know, it's okay to not be okay."

Adora turned and smiled, but it still wasn't real. "Who says I'm not okay?"

Catra waved her hand vaguely. "All...this."

Adora's smile fell a little. "This is just dedication. I'm fine."

"You don't have to wear yourself into the ground to be the best."

"I don't want to be the best," Adora insisted, starting again. Catra raised an eyebrow.

There was a knock on the door. Adora immediately stopped, fluffed her tutu, and breezed by Catra on her way out the door.

She paused. Her voice was so quiet. "I'm just trying to be good enough." And then she was gone.

It took Catra a moment to follow Adora out the door. 

Bow and Rahl were already waiting outside the door. Catra took her place beside Rahl as Adora did the same with Bow. They walked into the studio to polite clapping and Catra let everything else fall out of her head, if only for a minute and twelve seconds.

For that time, nothing bothered her. The music began and she stepped into her turn across the stage. She wasn't worried about whatever weird thing Adora had going on. She wasn't shifting her gaze around the room for someone who was eager to hurt her. She didn't care that Angella now had the power to completely destroy her, if she wanted to. For those seventy-two seconds, Catra just was. And she loved it.

This is why she kept coming back to dance. This is why she stayed for so long after Adora left. Because it was the one thing in the world that she was truly and fully good at. That made her feel good in return. She wished, for a fleeting moment as they landed in their final poses and the audience burst into applause, that Adora felt this way too. 

\------

Catra managed to avoid most of the well-wishers and congratulations afterwards. Scorpia's moms were beside themselves with Catra, fawning over her as one dabbed at the corners of her eyes. Catra could definitely see where Scorpia got it from. 

Angella even came to lay a soft hand on her shoulder and tell her she'd done a fantastic job. 

Scorpia and her moms dragged Catra out to dinner after, insisting they had to celebrate, even as Catra reminded them that all she did was dance.

So of course, the nagging in her side had to return when she stepped into her dorm room that night and Adora wasn't there. Some stuff had been moved around; Catra could tell only because she'd been keeping such a close eye on everything, her senses heightened in Adora's absence.

It was nearly midnight and Catra thought that maybe Adora would finally give up on running herself into the ground once parent's day was over, but evidently not. Catra sighed and climbed into bed, setting her alarm for early in the morning. If Adora wasn't back by then, she'd just go find her and force her to talk.

\-----------------------

Five am. Catra can't believe she's awake. But when her alarm went off Adora's bed was cold and still perfectly made. Anger pulsed through Catra as she tugged on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. The cold was slowly seeping into the academy each night and Catra cursed as her bare feet touched icy floor. If Adora could just take care of herself, Catra could be back in her bed, warm and curled up and gone to the world. 

But instead she's walking the halls, checking the studios and empty classrooms. No sign of Adora. She remembers suddenly that the small library she had used to print, something that felt ages ago, had a couple of desks in it. And Bow had mentioned seeing Adora there the other day.

Catra wound through the halls and was relieved to find the door unlocked. She opens it quietly and was partly relieved, partly angered all over again, to see Adora hunched over one of the tables, headphones in, pencil scratching away at her notebook.

Catra went to stand in front of her, letting the door slam shut behind her. No reaction. She waits for a moment before reaching over to tap on the table. Adora jumps nearly a foot in the air.

With her guard down for a second, Catra could see how bad she truly looks. She must only be sleeping a couple hours a night. Her skin is pale and drawn. The bags under her eyes were darker than ever.

"What?" Adora asks once she had yanked out her headphones.

For a second Catra thought she looked...scared.

"It's five am."

"So why are you awake?"

"You weren't in bed."

"Because I'm trying to study." Adora looks pointedly down at her notes.

"Okay, but you didn't come to bed at all."

"I napped here."

"A nap is not a full night's sleep."

Adora's eyes narrow. "Since when do you care about how much I sleep? It certainly didn't bother you when you were sneaking in and out to go running around with Lonnie."

"I've always cared Adora!"

Adora huffs.

Catra pulls out the chair opposite her, causing Adora's feet to hit the floor.

"Hey!" Adora cries, sitting up a little further.

"Look, you look like shit. It's just a fact," Catra says when Adora opens her mouth to retort. "We've all noticed. And we're all concerned."

"Who's 'we'?" 

"Well, I guess just me and Bow. But we thought maybe it was just parent's day. But that's over. So what's really up, Adora? This isn't you."

"How do you know what 'me' is? You haven't seen me in years."

"You're still the same Adora," Catra says softly. Adora's eyes drop and her shoulders scrunch up and for a second Catra is yanked back to the many days they spent huddled up on one of the bunks, Adora trying not to cry even though Catra was the one who got in trouble, their hands held tightly together. Catra didn't think it'd be a good idea to reach for Adora's hand now.

"The same Adora who you and Lonnie always thought was just irritating?" 

Catra sits up. "What?"

"That's what you and Lonnie said. That I was always just irritating."

"The other night?" Catra asks, still confused.

Adora just shrugs. 

"Is that why you're acting like this?" Catra asks, leaning forward again, her voice soft. "Are you, are you mad at me? I didn't mean that. Like yeah, I was a little upset at you at the time but do you really think I thought you were irritating all those years?"

"You said it too though. And looking back on it, isn't that just what everyone's always thought. You and Weaver, and then Glimmer and her parents. I tried so hard to not ask for things and be the best at everything, but in the end hasn't everyone just put up with me this whole time?" 

She was definitely crying now.  
"Adora!" Catra cries, finally letting herself reach across the table for her friend. Desparate to hold her, to physically pull the thoughts from her head. "None of that is true."

"Isn't it though?"

"Is this what you meant about just trying to be good enough? I'm the one who never measured up to expectations. You've always been the good one."

Adora wipes at her nose as and shakes her head. "That only made Weaver expect more of me. And when I got adopted, I knew I had to be perfect or they'd send me back. And you weren't talking to me anymore and Weaver told me that it'd be better for you if I left, so I couldn't go back because I knew it'd just hurt you. But it was so hard to be perfect that whole time. It still is."

Adora was crying again so Catra got up and went around the table, kneeling at her side. "You don't have to be perfect, Adora. You never did. And we're going to talk about all of this more, but come on. You need to go to bed."

Adora stands up while Catra quickly stacks up her papers and shoves them into her bag. Adora lets Catra take her hand and lead her back to their dorm. They don't say anything more, mostly because Catra's head is reeling and Adora looks so lost that Catra doesn't even know how to begin to fix it. 

So she doesn't try. She just leads Adora back to their dorm, helps her out of her shoes, and then tucks her into her bed. Once Adora's curled up, Catra gets up to maybe sleep a little more in her own bed.

"Wait," Adora says, her hand landing on Catra's wrist. It's so light, that if Catra closed her eyes she wouldn't be able to feel it. "Can you stay a bit?"

Catra pauses. And then, "Yea, sure."

Adora scoots towards the wall, leaving a sliver of space between her and the edge of the bed. Catra sits on top of the covers next to her, leaning back against the headboard. Adora reaches up, hesitant, and Catra let Adora take her hand. 

"Thanks." 

It's so quiet, and before Catra could think of a way to respond, Adora was asleep.

\--------------------------------------------

Catra waits until nearly three hours pass, not sleeping for any of them herself, before she wakes Adora. She untangles their hands and slides off the bed, changing into her ballet leo before shaking Adora's shoulder gently.

Even for just that short sleep, she already looks much better. 

"Class starts soon, do you want to go? I can tell them you're sick."  
Adora groans and rubs at her eyes. "No, that'll just start a whole round of questions. You can go ahead, I'll make it in time."   
"Okay." Catra stays for a moment, wanting to say more. Needing to say more. But instead she turns around and leaves.

\----

The day was, in short, torture for Catra. Between Glimmer continuing to rotate between glaring at her and Adora all class, Scorpia asking why she missed their morning workout, and Bow shooting her (non)furtive glances during pas de deux, Catra was going to lose it. And that didn't even begin to touch on Adora. While she looked better, Catra kept waiting the whole class for the other shoe to drop. 

She was wound up pretty tightly by the time lunch rolled around, and she couldn't stomach being in the cafeteria with everyone, let alone trying to eat. So she headed back to her room, promising Scorpia that everything was fine and she was just a little tired after such a hard week. 

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, Adora had the same idea. 

Catra closes the door quietly and Adora looks up from where she was organizing her backpack on her bed.

"Hey," Adora said. Well, at least she was bubbly again.

"Hey." Catra lets her own bag slide off her shoulder and then sits on her bed, unsure of what to say. Adora went back to her organizing.

"So," Catra started. "We should finish talking."

"About what?" Adora asks, finally turning around to face her.

"About this morning. About how you're not okay."

Adora laughs. "I just needed some sleep, I'm good now. I'm actually meeting Glimmer later."

"So everything with her is good now?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" Adora had the guts to actually look confused.

"Um, because everything these past two weeks has been absolutely not okay?"

Adora frowns. "I told you, I was just tired."

Catra crosses her arms, did Adora really think Catra would believe this bullshit? She knew Adora better than that. "Did you actually talk to Glimmer?"

Adora looks down and that told Catra all she needed to know.

"Adora, we really need to talk about what happened this morning."

Adora's voice was tight. "And I told you, it was just nerves. Everything's fine now."

"Everything is clearly not fine!" Catra's voice was getting louder but she no longer cared.

"Yes it is!" Adora's fake bright smile was back.

"Look, Adora. You can have all the bright bubbly friends you want but don't you dare try and pull that shit over on me. You tried for weeks to make me just like them but I'm not falling for this." She gestures vaguely at Adora. "You tried to change me for so long and now you're mad that I'm not falling in line with your bright happy life. I've known you longer than anyone here and I know when you're flat out lying."

Adora's face finally falls and Catra couldn't help but be a little relieved. She was starting to act like she had been possessed or something.

"I never wanted to change you!" Adora exclaims, hand reaching out for a moment before falling back in her lap. 

"But you don't like me as I am."

"Of course I like you as you are! I've always liked you exactly as you are. Sometimes sure, I wish you'd be a little safer but I never wanted to change you.   
You're the one who didn't like me." Her voice had started strong but by the time she finished, it was soft. Wavering. 

"So you did believe Lonnie that night."

Bright Adora was fully gone. Catra felt a little bad goading her into it but at least Adora looked like herself again. A really angry, possibly hurt, version of herself, but still.

"Of course I did!" Adora's fire was back and she stood suddenly, causing her chair to bang against her desk. "You laughed with her. Agreed with her." 

"I didn't though." Catra tries to stay calm. Breathe. Wasn't she supposed to breathe at times like this?

Adora ignores that. "Shadow Weaver was right then, wasn't she? You were better off once I left. It's why you avoided me after."

In an instant Catra crosses the room and takes Adora's hand in her own.

"There is nothing about that woman that was right. She lied to you. It was worse after you left. Not because of anything she did, that never changed. But because I didn't have you. So yes, I avoided you, but only because I was so mad at the world and I didn't know what to do. And then that just, continued."

"You didn't want me gone?" Adora's voice is so so small and Catra hates it. Nothing about Adora is supposed to sound that way.

"No. I'm," Catra takes a breath. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? For what?"

"Everything Adora!" Catra drops her hand and takes a step back, running her hands through her hair. "Everything. I'm sorry for being mad at you so long ago. I'm sorry I let it ruin us. I'm sorry I was a dick to you. But this isn't you, and it scares me."

Adora's brain seems to short circuit for a moment. "But, you don't even know who I am anymore."

Catra sighs. "You're the same underneath it Adora, the same person at your core. The person I never once thought was irritating."

"Then why did you say it?"

"In the moment, I was mad at you. And so I lashed out. It's something I'm working on."

"You are?"

Catra has to look away from the hope that comes to Adora's face. "Yes. I talked to Angella about a lot of stuff. Weaver won't bother me here anymore, to say the least."

"You did?"

Catra nods. 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Catra scoffs and leans back against her dresser, the worst seeming to be over. "You seem to have a hard time letting people close into your life, Adora. You have a lot of friends, sure. But not a lot of close ones." 

"Well, you were the closest person to me and then you just left. I mean, I know I physically left, but you ended the us that we were. It's hard to get close to people after that."

"You're telling me?"

It's small, but Adora smiles and Catra finally lets herself think it'll be okay.

"But I am sorry, Adora." Catra continues. "And not just about this, about everything. I really want to actually talk about it with you later, not now when there's ten minutes of lunch left." Catra pauses for a moment to fiddle with the edge of her practice skirt. But if they were going to have a heart to heart, if Adora was going to open up to her, she had to open up too. "I let my anger and my grief consume me and I thought it was better to cut you off than let us slowly grow apart. Eleven year old me wasn't the brightest." 

She gives Adora a small smile which Adora returns in an instant.

"Don't insult eleven year old you, I thought the world of her."

"So I guess what I did was extra shitty then?" Catra smiles as she says it though, and Adora finally laughs, and Catra can breathe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok angst isnt as fun to write as i thought so that's more or less over, time for fluff


	9. The Key To Healing Is That It Doesn't Always Happen In A Straight Line, or Even At All.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *re-appears over a month and a half later* not abandoned...just busy
> 
> also just realized i spelled 'bane' wrong in one of my chapter titles smh

Adora didn't realize how long it had been since she felt like she could actually breathe until Catra made her laugh. Catra was right, they had a lot to talk about. But first Adora needed to apologize to Glimmer.

Adora found her during their short break between academics and their afternoon ballet class. 

"Glimmer," she says, reaching out to brush a hand against her arm, tugging her back.

"What?" Glimmer asks, turning sharply to glare at Adora. 

"Can we talk, please?" Her voice wavers and that's enough.

Tears prick at Glimmer's eyes, which only set off the ones in Adora's own eyes, and seconds later they're clutching each other's arms and crying.

"It was so hard to be mad at you," Adora says as she wipes furiously at her face.

"I hated being mad at you!" 

"Why were you mad at me?"

"Because you're always so much better than me, and I think this was just the breaking point. Mom's had me under a lot of pressure, lately." Glimmer finally admits after a moment.

"You're doing great, I'm sorry mom is pushing you. For me, I felt like I had to be better. Or you guys would send me back or something. And I guess the   
feeling stuck." Adora says it as a joke, but Glimmer's eyes shoot up to hers.

"What? Adora do you really think that?"

Her earnest expression only makes Adora cry harder. When did crying become her first response?

"Adora you're part of our family, you're never going anywhere else."

And Adora let's Glimmer pull her into a hug and her lungs finally and completely open back up.

\-----

That afternoon Bow eyes their matching red eyes and offers a small smile, to which Glimmer rolls her eyes at, and Adora sticks her tongue out at, and everything's good again.

With them, at least.

She probably should talk with Angella or Micah about this, and maybe definitely finally see a therapist again, but first there is Catra.

Catra, her best friend who shattered her young heart. Catra, whose smell Adora somehow never forgotten. She used to lay awake late into the night, wondering who was brushing Catra's hair since she hated to do it herself. Or who was helping Catra stand up to the older kids in study hall. Or who was making sure she even got enough to eat. 

And now, well now Catra was here in front of her. Grown and as stunning as ever. Sharper than before, and much more confusing.

The other night, or actually earlier that morning, Adora hadn't mean to let everything spill to Catra, she just couldn't take it anymore. And Catra was there, and asking, and reaching out for Adora after so many years of Adora reaching for her. And her face had been so open and her eyes so big...yeah, Adora couldn't have helped herself.

And now Catra was concerned. Which was new. People usually weren't concerned about Adora. 

Adora spends the afternoon doing homework with Bow and Glimmer, which mostly consisted of teasing Bow as he teared up at the fact that they were all back together again. And she loved it, she really did, but she was also maybe, just a little bit, avoiding going back to her dorm. Because Catra was there. And if Catra was there it meant they would have to talk. And Adora didn't know if she was ready for that.

But eventually time passed, like it does, and Bow was the first to leave. Adora stayed curled up on Glimmer's bed, watching a movie with headphones until Glimmer started to drift off. Then she quietly closed the laptop and made sure a pillow was securely under Glimmer's head before finally heading back to her own room.

She hoped maybe Catra would be asleep but it was barely even eleven and even Adora knew Catra stayed up later than that.

"Hey, Adora." Catra said once Adora had stepped into the room. 

They were words Adora had heard countless times before, in so many ways, but never as soft as this.

"Hey. How was your evening?"

Catra sat up. "It was good. Yours?"

"Good actually. I hung out with Glimmer and Bow. We talked, kind of. But we're good now."

Catra smiled. "I'm glad."

"So," Adora wrung her hands, suddenly nervous. "You wanted to talk?"

Catra laughed loudly, breaking the tension for a moment. "You don't have to look like you're walking to your death, Adora. Come on, it'll be like when we're younger. Get in your bed and I'll turn off the lights."

Adora pulled out her pajamas but turned to raise her eyebrows at Catra. "When we were younger we were in the same bed."

Catra rolled her eyes and threw a pencil at Adora's leg as she ran out the room, but Adora saw the blush on her cheeks.

\-----

Adora can see Catra's eyes in the dark. She has her hands tucked under her cheek, facing Catra's bed. Catra does the same on her side. The couple of feet between their beds stretches out before them, but Adora only has to whisper for her words to carry across.

"I can't sleep alone."  
Catra laughs softly. "Interesting start. What do you mean?"

Adora shrugged. "I don't remember ever having slept alone. I mean I'm sure I did, once, but as far as I can remember I had you. And of course all the other kids in the room. Lonnie and Kyle and Rogelio." Adora sighs. "And I didn't even fathom that you could have your own room until I got to Glimmer's. And they had this whole room set up for me. Catra you would have laughed so hard. The whole room was pink."

Catra snorted. 

"It was Glimmer's old room, and they figured they'd let me change it to whatever I wanted, but everything was pink, even the carpet!"

"God Adora, I can't imagine your face."

"I wrote it all down in a notebook. For a long time I wrote down everything I wanted to tell you. I was going to give it to you but," Adora trailed off. "That wasn't me trying to be mean."

"I know," Catra said softly. "Do you think you still have it?"

"Maybe. Micah's bad about throwing stuff out. Why?"

"Maybe I want it." Catra said.

Adora grinned. "Maybe I'll look for it for you."

"So how did you realize you can't sleep alone?"

"Oh, right. So they had this whole bedroom for me. And as I'm sure you can tell from Glimmer's sunny personality, she wasn't too fond of me when I first arrived."

Catra gasped in mock shock.

"Yes, well to be fair, I was kind of terrible when I was first there."

"Really? What'd you even do?"

Adora shrugged, embarrassed. "A lot of yelling, a lot of trying to run away. I hit Micah pretty hard once."

"Damn."

" I thought they'd send me back and I'd get to see you, but then I got this call from Weaver and, well like I said, she told me I was better off without you, and so I turned around and tried to be perfect, to make up for everything else."

"That's so fucked up. Not you," Catra says quickly. "Weaver. But I've cut her out of our lives for good, I promise. And for the record she lied. I did need you."

Adora smiled. "I know now."

"The bed," Catra reminded her.

"Oh! Right. You're the one who keeps interrupting me! So anyway back on my first night, the whole house was so quiet, nothing like our foster house. And the air conditioning kept clicking on and off and I just couldn't do it, so I snuck into Glimmer's room and slept on her floor."

"Adora!"

"She screamed when she woke up and saw me."

Catra's sharp laugh rang out, and Adora couldn't help smiling back.

"It's not funny!" Adora insisted.

Catra kept laughing.

"Maybe it's a little funny," Adora mumbled. "And everything about it was wrong. The house didn't smell or sound right, and Glimmer breathed differently from you, but after a solid week of sleeping on her floor they moved my bed into her room and we shared ever since. It actually helped us finally grow close, eventually."

They're quiet for a moment.

"You know," Catra started. "Even though I pushed you away, I kept dancing because it helped me feel close to you. Like for an hour every day I didn't miss you as much." 

"That's why I kept dancing too."

"Really?" Catra asked. Adora knew it was dark but she swore she could see Catra's eyes cut through the dark.

"Yeah. It didn't hurt that Angella was a ballet teacher."

"Was that one of the ways you tried to make it up to Angella? By being brilliant at ballet?"

Adora squirms. "A little."

"Translation: a lot."

Adora rolls her eyes at that. "At first, I tried to be good, but not better than Glimmer because I didn't want them to be mad at me for that. Like Shadow Weaver used to get mad when you got better grades than me or something. But then Glimmer wasn't as interested and Angella started taking me to meet all these people and dance in Nutcrackers while Glimmer wanted to stay home with her dad. And I guess it did become something like that. Where if I was good enough, she'd want to keep me around and keep bringing me places and just keep me." 

"And if you messed up, she'd cast you aside?"

Hearing it from Catra, Adora starts to realize how ridiculous it actually sounds. "Pretty much."

"Okay," Catra shifted a little closer on her bed. "Tell me more."

And so Adora does.

\-----

It goes like that.

In the day, Catra laughs with Scorpia and slowly lets herself be introduced to more students at the studio.

Adora hangs out in her trio and at lunch smiles at Catra whenever they catch each other's eye. 

Adora stays in the center of the social circles, and Catra's happy to make her way through the edges.

Adora does homework in the afternoon while Catra works out with Scorpia, and in the evening they do math together and then lay down to talk about the past, their futures, the present. 

It's one night, about a week later, when Catra's woken up in the middle of the night by a sudden shout. She quickly clicks on the lamp besides her bed and turns to see Adora thrashing in her sleep.

Catra's out of her bed in an instant, at Adora's side. When they were younger and this would happen, Catra would press her back into Adora's front until Adora held onto Catra and eventually fell back asleep. But she can't do that now.

"Adora," Catra whispers, hands skimming over Adora's arms, unsure of whether touching her would make it worse or not.

Adora bolts up right and Catra jumps back. 

"Catra?"

"I'm right here."

Adora reaches for her and Catra's hand meets her half way. A sob heaves through Adora's chest and she pulls Catra towards her.

Catra lets herself sit down on the bed, and immediately Adora's head falls towards her chest.

"It's okay, you're safe." Catra says quietly while Adora breathing slows.

"I know, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, you don't have anything to be sorry about."

"I woke you up."  
"Well you can't exactly control your dreams."

Adora shrugs.

"It's fine, I mean it." Catra nudges at Adora's shoulder. 

"Okay."

Catra sits there with her for a moment, hyper-aware of the feeling of Adora's hand in her own.

"Do you feel ready to fall back asleep?" Catra finally asks.

When Adora nods Catra gets up to leave, but Adora only tightens her hold on her hand.

"Actually, can you stay?"

"Adora, I sleep four feet away from you." Catra immediately mentally kicks herself after saying it.

But Adora seems to be too focused on the blanket clenched in her other hand to notice Catra's grimace.

" I know, but can you stay right here, with me?"

Adora was asking her to stay.

"Yes, if that's what you want."

"It is."

Adora scoots over, letting Catra slip under the covers this time.

Like before, Adora lays with her head on her pillow, facing Catra. Their knees bump together in the small bed. 

"Is this okay?" Catra whispers.

"Yes. Is it okay with you?"

"It is."

After a moment, Catra closes her eyes, and feels Adora's pinky brush against her own. Cracking an eye open, Catra can't help but tease her.

"Are you asked to hold my hand?"

Even in the dark, Catra can see Adora flush red.

"What? No."

"You can hold my hand, if you want."

"You ruined the moment." Adora grumbles.

"We were having a moment?"

A slight tilt of her head. More blush. It really is too easy.

"Just take my hand, silly."

So Adora does.

\------

It becomes... kind of a thing.

After that first night, Adora has nightmares the next two nights and both times Catra ends up in her bed. By the fourth night Catra doesn't even bother with her own bed. She turns off the lights and walks over to Adora's, hands on her hips.

"Well? Are you going to move over?"

"What?"

"I might as well start here and finally get a decent night sleep," Catra says as she pushes Adora over and slides under the covers. "And I'm the little spoon tonight."

So it becomes a real thing.

\----------------------------

The semester is flying by and before Adora knows it, it's the end of October and they're lining up for nutcracker auditions.

Adora spent the past week in the studio, as usual before any audition, rehearsing the piece and practicing some of her weaker moves. Except this time, instead of Bow and Glimmer just popping in whenever, they stay almost the whole time. And when they aren't there, Catra is. And sometimes Catra even brings Scorpia, who turns out to be very helpful in her constructive critiques and also someone that Adora guiltily realized she judged far too soon.

It is the first audition in years that Adora doesn't absolutely feel like throwing up outside of.

They pick up their audition numbers and Adora's stomach clenches when hers reads '2'. She's second. Maybe she spoke too soon about not wanting to throw up.

"Hey," Catra whispers from her side. "Deep breath, you'll do great. At least it'll be over soon."

"What number are you?" Adora asks as she fumbles to pin her number to her leotard, Glimmer already busy helping Bow.

"Last, I think." Catra says as she frowns down at the number and mentally counts students in her head.

"I'll stay to watch."

Catra rolls her eyes. "You really do not have to."

Adora meets her stare. "I really do want to." 

The doors open and the hall falls silent. Number one is called and Adora and Bow watched with rapt interest as he goes through his audition piece in the studio. Glimmer keeps her focus solely on untying and retying her pointe shoes while Catra and Scorpia whisper quietly in the corner.

All too soon number one is leaving the studio and gathering his bag in the hall, breathless. Adora takes a moment to straighten her bun and leotard straps before walking lightly in, a smile already on her face.

The panel consists of three of their teachers with a fourth uninterested party whose vote only counted to ensure no favoritism was shown. Angella is also there, just to observe and keep track of her students. She gives Adora a small wink as Adora takes her place.

Adora could never quite decide if it was a good thing or not to have her mom watch her auditions for the academy. While usually her presence was comforting, the weight on her shoulders to not mess up seems heavier when every flaw would be immediately spotted.

One of the teachers gets up to start the music and Adora spares a quick glance to the window into the hall. Her friends are pressed up against it and wave eagerly at Adora, but Catra just gives her a slow head nod. Right. Perfection is overrated (maybe).

Then the music begins and Adora sinks into a headspace that exists solely for performing. The boys had been given the prince's solo while the girls danced Clara. The higher levels usually took the harder solos and being so young, most of Adora's year would likely end up in the corps anyway. 

As she goes into a turn, Adora feels a small wiggle in her balance and panic floods through her. But the turn brings her to land facing Catra, for just a moment, and suddenly she is balanced again. She flows through the moments, smiling dreamily at the practice nutcracker in her arms, arching her head just so. 

As the first girl to go, she has to be phenomenal. Or by the time everyone else has gone, Adora would be a faded memory in the judge's heads.

The music reaches its final crescendo and Adora lands her final turn in the ending her pose. Polite clapping fills the silence as Adora stands to curtsey.

"Thank you Adora," one of the teachers says. "Please send in number three."

And that was it. Months of preparation and a whole week dedicated to just this, and in a minute and twelve seconds it was over.

She walks out and nods to number three, a girl anxiously wringing her hands, and then is immediately engulfed in a hug by Bow and Glimmer.

"You did amazing!" Glimmer squeales.

"So majestic," Bow adds, his eyes shining.

Adora laughs and leans into their hug. "Thanks guys."

"It wasn't too bad, Princess."

Adora lifts her head and raises an eyebrow at Catra. "Think you can do better?"

"Oh I know I can."

Adora rolls her eyes and turns to watch as Mermista, number four, saunters into the room.

Bow is eleventh and Glimmer fifteenth, and by that time Adora is ready to tear her hair out after hearing the same two songs over and over again. Bow nails it, of course, and Glimmer looks so alive and happy while dancing that Adora's heart melts. 

"Want to go grab lunch?" Glimmer asks as she yanks off her pointe shoes and shoves them into her bag.

"I'm going to stay for Catra." Adora says, looking back over her shoulder to where the girl is giving Scorpia a small pep talk. 

"It'll probably be another hour." Bow says with a frown.

Adora smiles. "I know."

"Want us to stay too?" Glimmer asks, already setting her bag back down.

Adora shakes her head."She told me she was glad to go last so at least less people would be watching. We should all hang out after though."

"We should! I really like Scorpia!" Bow exclaims. 

Glimmer gives Adora a small hug and then tugs Bow down the hall by his bag's straps, talking quickly about where they should eat.

Scorpia enters the studio for her turn and Catra comes to stand next to Adora.

"Didn't want to go with your friends?" Catra asks. 

Adora shakes her head. "I couldn't leave you here alone."

Catra scoffs. "Didn't I tell you I hated people watching?"

Adora rolls her eyes. "Well I can go if you really want me to."

"You should stay."

"Okay."

Scorpia does well. As does the next girl, and the next. Adora bites at her lip. The competition is tough. 

The auditions drag on especially after one of the teachers knocks her coffee mug over and they have to drag in a mop to clean the whole floor. Most of the students clear out as soon as their turn is done, and even Scorpia has to leave for a doctor appointment, although she squeezes Catra into a tight hug and whispers a thousand apologies before she leaves. 

It's just Catra, Adora, and two other guys in the hall when Catra's called in.

"You're going to do great," Adora says, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze.

Catra pauses before she goes in, taking a breath. "At least in two minutes it'll all be over."

And then she opens the door.

\------------

Catra honestly feels prepared. She doesn't normally. She isn't one to freak out over auditions, and certainly doesn't throw her entire body and soul into the preparation like Adora does, but this time she feels extra good. Maybe all that time in the studio with Adora actually did make a difference.

Catra takes her place and waits for the music to begin. The first swells of music start and Catra begins the moves she had practiced all week. Adora had always been great at musicality, and watching her had really helped. No matter how many times she told herself that it doesn't matter which part she got, that she didn't care, it does matter. And she wants to try. She wants to suceed. For herself.

The music begins and Catra starts to move. Her legs extend perfectly, she feels that her arabesque was higher than it had ever been. She is flying. And then.

And then.

A sneeze. A high pitched, sneeze. Catra keeps dancing, trying to keep her face whimsical and in awe, as Clara's should be, and not like she was panicking on   
whether or not there was snot on her nose. Or flying out of her nose.

And then another sneeze.

And then she moves into the turn sequence and sneezes every time she sets her foot down.

A panic washes over her, pricking her skin with sweat. She sucks in hard through her nose, but that only makes her sneeze again. 

She hits the final pose, managing to hold her face steady, but her nose and eyes burn, from the tears and the overwhelming emotion that she can't even do   
this correctly. Perfection is overrated. (right?)

Once the music fades she risks a look at the judges. 

Angella has a small smile. One is writing. The one who had turned off the music reaches out to hand her a tissue box.

"Well," Angella says as she stands and gives Catra a slight curtsey. "It was surely a finale."

Catra nods back and makes her way out of the room as fast as she can. She brushes by Adora, who is still there waiting outside the door.

Stupid, sweet, Adora, who had waited over two hours just to watch Catra dance. Adora, the only one who had stayed. This time. For something so silly. It didn't matter.

Catra jams a tissue against her nose and grabs her bag, not even bothering to take off her pointe shoes. She stalks down the hall, and behind her she hears Adora scrambling to grab her bag and hurry after.

"Catra! You were phenomenal!"

Catra scoffs. "It sucked Adora. It fucking sucked."

"No it didn't!" Adora was struggling to keep up while walking sideways so she could look at Catra. "You did really good. And you don't care about the roles anyway."

Catra stops suddenly. "Is that way you think?" Her voice is deadly calm.

Adora takes a step back. "Well, no, I mean-"

"Forget it, Adora." 

Catra pushes through the stairway doors and is gone. This time, Adora doesn't follow.

Fucking up sucked. But fucking up with no one to blame but herself sucked even more. She knew it was usually her fault, but there was always someone she could push the blame on. But with this, with ballet. The fuck up was entirely her.

She curls up on top of her bed, Scorpia's soft blanket pushed down to the foot of it. She doesn't deserve that comfort. She aches to be up on the roof, but it was still light outside and while she may have fucked up auditions, she could not fuck up her place here.

She squeezes her hands to her chest and curls into a tighter ball, eyes set on the small window in between thier beds. It hurts.

It hurts that Adora hasn't followed, although Catra can't blame her for that either. It was like everytime Catra thought she had it figured out, she ruined it. Every time she made progress, opened up, she ended up snapping and pushing Adora away all over again. She probably wouldn't want to talk to Catra anymore, let alone fall asleep together. 

Even now, Catra's bed feels cold, stiff. She misses the smell of Adora's pillow.

She misses a lot.

So yeah, it sucked.

Catra was just getting ready to finally let her tears fall when she hears a soft knock on the door. She quickly scrubs at her face and tucks her nose under her arm, as an extra precaution. Although she doesn't say anything, the lock clicks and the door opens. It could only be Adora.

"Hey, Catra?"

She says nothing. She hears Adora's soft steps walk towards her bed and stop a few feet away.

"Are you awake?"

Still nothing, but she let her shoulders shrup up and down. 

"Okay, well if you want to sleep, I understand, but I got you something."

Catra has to test her throat for a moment before she trusts it enough to speak. "What?"

Adora laughs softly, "Well you have to open your eyes to see."

Praying that her eyes aren't red-rimmed, Catra lifts her head just enough for the top of her eyes to peek out. 

"What, a key?"

"The correct question would be: where does it lead?"

Catra rolls her eyes at Adora's cocky attitude. "Okay, where does it lead?"

"Well," Adora takes a couple steps closer, until her thighs are pressed against the bed. "It doesn't work a hovercraft, unfortuantely."

Catra smiles at the mention of one of their frequent childhood make-believe games.

"But Micah works down at a lab a couple of blocks away. It's a pretty tall building. Much taller than this. And this key gets us onto the roof."

Now Catra is interested. She raises an eyebrow. "And just how did you get it?"

Adora sounds offended. "I'm a thief, Catra. Stealing hearts and stealing keys is my motto."

Catra definitely rolls her eyes now. But she sits up.

"You'd break into a roof for me? Just because I'm sad?."

"I'd do anything for you because you were sad. You actually don't have to be sad, I'd do anything for you even-"

Catra cuts her off by suddenly springing out of the bed. "Enough emotion. Let's go."

Adora hesitates, "Maybe change out of your leotard first?" 

Catra looks down and grimaces. "Right."


	10. I Did Say It Was A Dance Academy Au After All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol sorry about that wait...
> 
> It's short but i have more coming.

When Catra felt Adora grab her hand as they exited the academy, acting completely nochalent, her first instinct was to yank it away. Adora spun around, an apology on her lips. But Catra just jammed her hand back into Adora's.

"Sorry," she muttered. "Reflex."

She spent the next three blocks ignoring Adora's smile. 

The building was tall. Forty-five floors tall. Catra craned her head as she looked up at it. 

"Wow."

"Right. Let's go!" And then Adora was dragging her in.

Catra watched as she waved cheerily to the security guard, who smiled back. Watched as Adora made her way to the elevators labeled 'Sub-Levels' before looping around the back of the room to the elevators labeled '38-45'. Watched as Adora led them up to the 45th floor and then quickly down a hall to a small door. It was late enough in the afternoon that most of the workers were gone, and the only person they saw didn't pay them any attention. 

Adora slid the key into the door in such a fluid moment that before she knew it, Catra was outside.

It was windy. Very windy. And the little door let them out on a raised platform, making the railing of the roof seem much too short.

"Come on," Adora said, tugging the hand she still held on to. 

Adora led her down the steps and to the edge of the roof, the railing now a much more comfortable height. 

"To cure your sadness," she said with a dorky wave of her arm.

Catra scoffed, but without her usual bite. "Thanks, Adora."

The view really was quite beautiful. They were at the edge of the city, and there were only a couple more blocks of tall buildings before the edge of the city melted into the suburb. It was lovely, and it lifted the wieght that had been pressing down on Catra's chest.

She sighed and leaned further against the railing.

"Feeling any better?" Adora asked after a while. 

"I am, actually."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Do we talk about our emotions now?"

"We kind of do."

Well, Catra couldn't really argue with that. She sighed.

"Fine, we can talk about it. But let's sit down first."

Adora led her to a smoother part of the concrete, tucked against a part of the roof railing that was made of metal instead of brick. Catra could still feel the wind against her face, could still see the city moving at a pace made sluggish by the height.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you."

Adora looked a little shocked. Like she wasn't expecting that. Well, Catra guessed it was kind of a first.

"I was just angry," Catra continued. "At myself. For messing up the audition. I know you don't think I care about this stuff, but I do care. I don't need to be Clara or some perfect role, but I want to do good. I want to keep earning my spot here."

Adora turned to face her, so their knees were touching. She held her hands out to Catra, palms up, open. Catra took them.

"Thank you for telling me."

Catra bit the urge to roll her eyes. Adora had to go right into the sappy stuff.

"I'm serious!" Adora inisted. Okay maybe Catra wasn't as opaque with her face as the thought.

"I'm serious," Adora repeated again. "I know you can be hard on yourself but Catra I promise, you're so good. When you were dancing, you were phenomenal, and the fact that you kept going even while sneezing, and didn't miss a beat? That's professional level. They're going to see that."

Catra shrugged.

"And, even if you don't do super well this audition, there's always going to be another audition. You did earn your spot here, fully and completely. And I don't doubt that you keep earning it everyday." Adora finished.

Catra shrugged again. She didn't trust her voice. Who knew a body could hold so many damn tears inside. She was kind of getting tired of holding them all in. 

Adora didn't say anything, she just waited.

"I guess," Catra took a breath. "I guess, I was never told I was good enough, you know? So it's hard to think it."

"You've always been more than good enough, Catra. I'm sorry you kept growing up with peopl e who said the opposite."

Catra pulled her hands away from Adora's for a moment. Then she leaned forward slowly, pulling Adora into a tight hug. Adora's arms were around her back in an instant.

They stayed like that for longer than they probably should have, Catra's silent tears soaking into Adora's sweatshirt. Eventually Catra pulled back and wiped at her face.

"Pretend those never existed," she said, her voice extra raspy, as she pointed at the tear marks on Adora's sweatshirt. 

Adora laughed. "I have not a single idea of what you could be talking about."

Catra shoved at her shoulder. 

"I can't believe you broke into a building for me."

"Like I said-"

"Yes, yes, I don't need to hear it again."

"Anything," Adora whispered right into Catra's ears.

Catra laughed and pushed at Adora's face. The sun was setting lower behind the buildings and Catra shivered.

"Are you cold?" Adora asked, already pulling her sweatshirt off. "Here, take this."

"What, Adora no, keep your sweatshirt."

"Too late, it's already off."

"You're infuriating," Catra said, but she took the sweatshirt anyway and ignored Adora's smug grin.

"Hey, Catra?"

"Hey Adora," Catra sung back.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Adora."

"Okay right, well. This whole time I've felt like I've owed you so much because of leaving. I felt like I had to make it up to you. But I reaized I didn't even ask what you wanted, or how you felt. I've been putting so much onto you about my nightmares, and trying to get involved with your life, and I didn't even stop to ask. It's been eleven years, and I just assumed you wanted me back in your life. So I'm asking now, what do you want?"

"What do I want?" Catra repeated.

"Yeah, from us. Or with us. I don't know."

Catra thought on it for a moment. She pulled her knees into her chest and tucked her arms tight around them. After a moment, she let one hand fall towards   
Adora's fidgiting ones, quieting them as she laced their fingers together.

"I like it when you stand up for me. I don't know what I did to get here, but I'm actually glad you're back in my life. Trust me, you'd really know it if I didn't want you around."

Adora squeezed their hands slightly.

"So," Catra continued, "I want it. It's just, taken me longer to warm up to that. I'm still really anrgy. But it's not really at you. You're just the one here to take it out on. But that's wrong," Catra said quickly. "And I'm sorry. For everything. And you haven't been putting too much on me. You listen to me too. Like really listen. And Scorpia listens too but she doesn't really get it, you know?"

Adora nodded. 

"In conclusion," Catra said with a big breath. "I do want you in my life. I'm just kind of slow at showing it."

"Thank you," Adora whispered.

It was dark by the time they left.

\-----------------------------------------------------

In many ways for Catra, the next week is a lot easier. And a lot harder. 

Now that she and Adora had begun to talk, they do it a lot more. Like. A lot. Catra's kind of exhausted. 

When Adora isn't studying with Bow and Glimmer, she's doing math with Catra, or reading while laying on Catra's bed, which has slowly become more of a couch than anything, while Catra writes an essay at the desk next to her. At night they set Adora's laptop up on the desk and watch movies as they fall asleep, Adora's head on the pillow behind Catra, Adora's arms tight around her.

Or they fall asleep talking, which is what usually happens, their hands clasped tight together as their knees bump each other under the covers. On those nights, Catra always wakes up with her face pressed into Adora's shoulder, her collarbone, her neck. She peels herself away in the early hours of the morning and hopes Adora never remembers.

So, in short, the week is a whirlwind. And then it's over, and the audition results are going to be posted minutes after their last class lets out. Needless to say, it's not a very productive class.

Bow bites at his lip nervously. Scorpia stumbles over the steps. Even Sea Hawk isn't as expressive, earning him a reprimand as well. 

Adora looks fine, of course she does. It's Her Thing. But Catra can tell how nervous she is. Her bun's tighter, smoothed down with the rare use of hair gel. She isn't biting her lips, but they're swollen like she has been. And she's wearing a practice skirt. Adora only wore those when she was nervous abotu something.

Catra is ignoring her emotions. She can also have so much progress in one week, after all.

Class ends and everyone rushes to take off their pointe shoes and pull soft shorts over their tights, only to be stuck waiting in the hall. Catra's slower, taking water and giving Scorpia one last pep talk. 

Class has made her short hair slip from it's lose bun, so she repins it. Her feet hurt a little so she stretches them. Her leg warmed are all smushed together so she smoothes them out and rolls them up. 

"Are you avoiding the list too," Adora whispers loudly across the room. They're the only two in there. 

Catra laughs. "Just waiting for you, obviously."

Adora gets up finally and walks over to Catra. Catra's just taken it and gotten to her feet when they hear the shuffling of feet and gasps from the hall.

Adora gives her a small smile. "List must be up."

And then the screaming began. Good screaming. Sqeals of happiness. Catra swore she saw someone run by in tears. 

"I'm good to wait another minute if you are," she trails off.

But she doesn't get to wait. Because then the screaming is Scorpia's. And she's running into the room. And she's grabbing Catra's shoulders and spinning her around. And yelling. So much yelling. And Bow and Glimmer are there too. But Catra's too shocked by the sudden noise and commotion to understand what they're all yelling about. Because then Adora's in on it too.

"What?" Catra says dumbly. "What?"

"Catra you got it!" Adora grabs her shoulders tightly, spinning Catra to face her. "You got Clara."


	11. Catra...with...FEELINGS?? Of Course She Has Feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just realized that word doc declared i had too many typos and stopped checking for typos...so there is no spell check so pls be forgiving. Also lmao me v switching tenses every damn scene then being too lazy to change it...thats college tier baby.
> 
> i grew up dancing in the nutcracker with marie as the main, not clara. the other name i always knew was masha, from the russian version, and so i had to of course give them a little spotlight. marie will always be my name for her :) 
> 
> all the previous chapters have been brought to you by folklore, but this one was brought to you by evermore!!!

The night's a blur. Adora looks like she barely registers that she's the snow queen, with the way she can't stop squeezing at Catra's shoulders, her arm, her hand, sending her excited smile after smile and whispering Clara under her breath. Glimmer is in the corps, which she is more than happy with. Bow gets the spansih solo, and he spends the whole night striking dashing poses and snapping an imaginary fan while Glimmer cheers him on.

Scorpia spends the whole night telling everyone that Catra's Clara and making one too many jokes about how close the names are. Catra pulls her away from the angry stares of the older levels. It's not her fault they cast her. She's just starting to wish they hadn't cast her with such an important role. It had begun to feel like just something else she could let them down in.

Scorpia insisted on celebrating and Glimmer had loudly agreed. Catra was kind of surprised to see them getting along so well but hey, here she was with Adora. Stranger things had happened. Glimmer, Bow, and Adora took a moment to call and tell their parents the news (although Angella already knew), and Scorpia called her moms to see if she could have all of them over. 

The bookstore had a little rooftop garden and Catra had to admit, she missed it.

So forty minutes later and she was being engulfed in a hug by Scorpia's moms and enveloped by the smell of her teen years. Warm books and fresh sweets. The smell of hot chocolate hung in the air. 

"Come in, come in! I'm Pinca, Scorpia's mom."

"Wait, a minute," Scorpia's other mom said, and Catra had to hold the eye roll in, knowing whats coming. "I'm Anisha and I'm Scorpia's mom. If you're Scorpia's mom, and I'm Scorpia's mom..." She trailed off with a grin.

To Catra's horror, Bow and Adora actually laughed. Scorpia groaned, attesting to just how bad the joke was, and Glimmer was too engrossed in a book she had picked up to notice.

"But please, do come in," Pinca said again, leading them deeper into the first level of the bookstore. "We live on the upper levels, but go right up to the roof and make yourself comfortable. Anisha and I will bring snacks."

Pinca paused to give Scorpia a tight hug and several kises across the tops of her cheeks. When Catra passed, she made sure she was last. Pinca opened her arms and Catra stepped into them gratefully. 

"We are so proud of you," Pinca whispered as she placed a single soft kiss to Catra's forehead. 

Across the room, Catra could see the pride shining in Anisha's eyes as well. 

"Uh, thanks guys," Catra said, her face down. 

"Ha, modest too." Pinca called over her shoulder to her wife.

"Just wait," Anisha called back, "let the shock wear off and she'll be the same cocky bastard as always."

"Hey!" Catra protested over their laughs.

"Enough teasing," Pinca said as she took a tray from her wife. "Now Catra. I know your dorm room must need something. Tell us and we will drop it off right away."

"I really don't need anything."

"Not even warmer socks for the winter?" Anisha asked, eyeing her carefully.

"Okay, maybe one thing," Catra admitted. The sound of their laughter chased her up the stairs.

The celebration was one of the best Catra had known. She figured that Adora and co., and even Scorpia, probably wanted to be out celebrating with all their friends, probably with something nerdy like a movie night and air-popped popcorn. 

But instead they were all here, laughing under the fairy lights Scorpia had hung one day, sipping rich hot chocolate and eating the thousands of little sweets Anisha had stress-made as she waited to hear the results from Scorpia. (Who had gotten cast as one of the mirliton players, something Catra was particularly proud of. )

It was getting late by the time Lonnie, who had quite taken to Scorpia's moms, arrived home from where she started working at a local gym.

"Heard you're some hotshot or something now," She says to announce her arrival, striding right into the group and sitting between Catra and Adora.

There was most definitely not a space to sit there, and Catra grumbles as she scoots away, rubbing at her side.

"I've always been hot," she shoots back. She doesn't let her mind linger on the fact that Adora had nodded in agreement to that.

"Not hot enough to make up for the attitude," Lonnie says as she steals a cookie off of Catra's plate.

Catra makes a grab at it and Lonnie holds it back far away from her. Far enough away that Adora manages to snatch it away and toss it towards Catra, who manages to snag it between her teeth. 

"Goal!" Adora cries.

"Hey! No teaming up!" Lonnie insisted, shoving her arms out to hit both Catra and Adora's sides at the same time. 

"Awww! You three are so cute!" Scorpia explains.

Adora looks a little panicked while Catra and Lonnie shoot Scorpia matching glares.

"Still cute," Scorpia whispers.

"Wait, who is this?" Glimmer finally asks. 

Lonnie raises an eyebrow at Adora, who manages to stutter a little before gesturing helplessly at Lonnie.

"This is Lonnie. We grew up with her," Catra finally says. "She was my favorite one in the house."

Adora lets out a 'Hey!' as Lonnie tucks her arm over Catra's neck to pull her down and Catra hisses at her.

"Can't speak for yourself there, you still haven't grown up." Lonnie teases.

"She's been staying with my moms," Scorpia asks. "She's one of us now."

\-----------------------

Adora didn't mean to not tell Bow and Glimmer about Lonnie. But Lonnie was a really big part of their lives, and so when she had showed up, Adora had kind of panicked.

But the night had been going perfectly, and she and Catra were doing so well. Having Lonnie back really was like getting to go back to the good parts of their childhood, when they got to just be kids together. 

Also, she hadn't really told Glimmer, let alone Bow, about a lot of stuff. It didn't seem right at first, and then over the years she just...didn't. 

Adora pulls herself out of her panic when Catra hits her square in the forehead with a crumb of cake.

"Dead center," Lonnie admires. "Four points."

"Four?!" Catra exclaims, "that's at least six!" 

"She wasn't ducking. No motion, no extra points."

Adora groaned. "You two are NOT bringing this game back."

"We can't help it Adora," Lonnie said as Catra nodded seriously behind her shoulder. "Your forehead beckens us."

Adora ignores that and turns back to Glimmer. "We did grow up together but we were ~not~ friends." 

"She's right. We were best friends," Lonnie adds with a grin. 

Catra scoffs and Glimmer finally laughs. "Maybe you can tell me embarrassing Adora stories then. It's not fair that she got to hear all my embarrassing moments curtosey of my parents at the dinner table and I never got to hear hers."

Lonnie leans forward eargerly, rubbing her hands together. "Oh trust me, we have lots."

And so Lonnie slides seamlessly into their group.

\-----------------------------------------

There's just about two months until Nutcracker but everyone acts like it's next week. Costume fittings, rehearsals, and of course, the pas de deux. Adora looks beautiful in her snow queen dance, and it's kind of refreshing to see her usually so bright and cheery face freeze into something hard and distant. It's kind of hot.

Adora sees Catra watching her rehearsal and breaks character for a moment to stick her tongue out.

Catra snorts. Or not.

The only downside is the dress. Clara wears this party dress for the first scene and Catra...hates it. She puts off the costume fitting as long as she can until Adora drags her down there after class one day.

"Adora I don't even want to do this, why do you think I want you here?" Catra asks as she lets her hand grab at railings and door frames that they pass, jerking them back each time.

"Catra!" Adora says, exasperated. "Because I'm your roommate, Madame Razz said I had to get you down here by tonight or she'd put you on stage in a potato sack."

"Well in that case, perfect," Catra says as she turns to go.

But Adora catches her hand again and spins her around, leveling her with a hard stare.

Catra sighs heavily. "Fine."

Catra lets Adora drag her into the costume room which, in short, is a mess. The seamstresses are usually a little chaotic, an organized chaos one could say.   
But this was next level.

"Ah! My dearies!" Madame Razz scurries around the corner and grips Catra and Adora's hands tight in her own. 

"Adora your costume is almost done, go try it on for me, I want to see if the snow effect I've added works."

Adora nodded and slipped her hand out of Razz's, giving Catra an encouraging smile as she does.

"And now you, my dear Catra," Razz says as she turns her attention solely to Catra. "Our Marie this year."

"Uh, it's Clara now."

"Bah." Razz says, releasing Catra's hands to wave the words away. "I forget with all these damn studios. Marie, Clara, Masha, it's hard to remember. But here, here." 

Razz pulls Catra eagerly over to one corner of the costume hall. Unlike some of the corps girls, who have multiple costumes on a rack, Catra will only have two. Clara's party dress, which she is not looking forward to, and the nightgown. 

"Now usually," Razz begins, "the party dress is a pale blue. Very ladylike, very 'in'. But this year, I wanted to give Clara a new one, so I made this."

She pulls a thin sheet off the mannequin and Catra freezes. The dress is...not bad. It's harder than usual, almost. Which makes up for the fact that the skirt has 20% less poof than it usually does. It's made of cream and maroon silk, with black trim running around it.

Catra lets a hand reach out to stroke it.

"It's beautiful." She whispers.

Razz's voice is loud. "Ah! I'm so glad you like it. Now go change, change."

She pushes Catra towards the costume and closes the curtain. So much for help, then. The dress is easy enough. It has to be, for the quick change. Catra's suddenly very glad for her short hair. Clara dances with her hair down, and having to do the whole ballet with her long curls would have been torture. 

Catra pulls on the underskirt and then slides the dress over her head, just managing to zip it up herself. Knowing Razz won't be happy until she goes all out, she quickly pulls her hair out of her bun and runs her hands through it to dislodge some of the hair spray.

It doesn't look too bad, at least. It kind of makes her skin look warm. 

Catra pushes back the curtain and stands, waiting to be noticed. That's absolutely the reason why. She's just waiting. She's not in shock or anything.

Razz has decided to run Adora through a full snow queen test. Her blonde hair is slicked back in her usual high bun. Silver glitter runs along the top of her cheekbones and back into her hair, twirling into her bun. A dainty tiara with a snowflake at the center rests on her head.

Silver shimmer runs up her forearms and onto her collarbone, just enough to catch the bright lights. The costume itself is stunning. Razz had truely outdone herself. The silvery-white is accented by pale blue on the outside of Adora's tutu, running into darker blue at her waist. A snowflake with the same coloring adorns her bodice. The thin gauzy arm circlets run with lacey tendrils that connect to Adora's neckline. She looks stunning.

"Catra!" Adora exclaims, noticing her. "Look!" 

Adora begins quick turns in place, her head spotting right into Catra's eyes that it takes Catra a moment to notice what Adora wants her to see. The top of her tutu lifts of as she spins, and it looks like little snow flurries tumble through the air with her.

"It's beautiful." Catra chokes out.

"Right!" Adora leans down to gather Razz in a tight hug. "Thank you thank you."

Razz laughs. "Of course dearie, when I heard you were our queen I knew right what to do."

Then Razz turns to Catra. "And look at you, our Marie. I was thinking warmer tones on your skin and look at that, I was right again. Ha! And the dress fits perfectly. How does it move?"

Catra walked over to the small dance floor and did a couple of Clara's more difficult moves from the dance. She was pleasantly surprised.

"It's a lot easier to dance in than I thought," she says, looking up at Razz with awe.

"Ah, that's all you, dearie. And now," Razz turns to grab something so Catra takes the moment to look at Adora once more.

Catra feels a slight pressure on her head and whips towards the mirror.

"It's perfect," Razz says.

"It's adorable," Adora squeals.

The bow is big, that's true. The ribbons curl and fall just above the edge of Catra's hairline. Most of all, it's big. 

She scowls. "Really?"

Adora nods earnestly. "It is absolutely a necessity."

"Okay, okay, you two are perfect. Go get changed, and Catra you can leave the dress on the stool, I'll put it back on the mannequin, and then come back out to choose your nightgown."

Adora shoots her an excited thumbs up before follow Razz back behind her own curtain, needing help to undo the clasps at the back of her costume.

Catra takes one last moment to look at herself in the mirror before going to change. Clara. Who would have thought.

\--------------------------

Adora regales everyone that night with how good Catra's costume looks. Bow's eyes light up at the mention of the bow and Glimmer shoots Catra a smile that looks a tad too smug. Laughing at her damn discomfort.

"It's not that cute," Catra mumbles into her food.

"I'm sure it was adorable," Scorpia says, pushing part of her dessert over towards Catra and making her light up.

"So adorable," Adora sighs. 

Catra shrugs it off. 

"How are rehearsals going otherwise?" Scorpia asks.

No one is in Catra's rehearsals yet, except the nutcracker prince, an upper level student named Niem. Getting Catra to trust him to lift her had taken nearly the whole first rehearsal time. 

"They're fine."

It's not a lie exactly. They are fine. They could just...definitely be going better. But Catra was nervous. And having all this pressure on her made her only more nervous. She could do the solos fine, and they had started to focus mostly on those. But how was she supposed to trust some idiot to lift her when she barely knew his last name. 

"Mhm, that sounds super fine." Scorpia says, nudging at Catra's side.

"I said they're fine." Catra snaps. Scorpia's teasing smile drops off her face and Adora is quick to look up at her, concern written all over her face.

Catra takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. They're harder than I thought. I don't like have a new pas de deux partner."

"Trusting new people to lift you can be hard," Scorpia says understandingly.

"But Niem is really good," Bow promised her. "I used to look up to him so much and I still do."

"They would only cast the best for the prince," Glimmer adds. "Especially if I know my mom."

"Just like they cast the best for Clara," Adora adds, sliding her hand over their shared bench to squeeze Catra's gently. 

It's suddenly hard to swallow. Catra isn't so used to this support. She gives Adora's hand a squeeze back before sitting up and shaking her shoulders out a little.

"Uh, thanks guys. I'll try a little harder tomorrow. You're all right. He's good, I just need to trust him."

"Exactly!" Scorpia beams. "And we're always here for more pep talks. Now, did you guys see the younger year's angel costumes? Sooooo cute!"

Catra flashes her a grateful smile, for both her words, and the subject change.

\-------------

Adora could tell Catra was worried, obviously. Her shoulders are a little tenser. She teases Adora a little less. 

They still do all the same stuff. They stand on the opposite sides of the room for class, because as Catra said she needs to have some semblance of distance in her life. Adora rolls her eyes at that but allows it to happen.

And if they end up next to each other for centerwork, Catra still does her best to make Adora laugh and mess up the moves. They eat dinner with their own friends, every so often joining each other's groups if someone's busy.

They do their math homework together, and Adora finally feels like she isn't drowning in the subject.

And at night, well...at night.

At night Catra still turns out the light and walks towards the middle of the room, always taking a second to fiddle with her phone before plugging it into the charger on her side of the room. And while Adora's hands stay clenched tight to her blanket each time, Catra always turns towards Adora's side of the room and shoves her over if she doesn't move fast enough.

And Adora sighs a breath of relief as Catra pushes her way into Adora's arms. 

Tonight she giggles as Catra's hair tickles at her nose.

"What?" Catra grumbles, her voice already a little raspier with sleep.

"It's just kind of cute that you're the little spoon."

"Shut up," Catra grumbles. "I'm the knife."

Adora bursts into laughter and Catra grabs at her sides, making Adora laugh harder until she's breathless.

"Catra," she laughs, struggling to catch her breath.

"Admit it," Catra says, slightly more awake now. "Admit I'm the knife."

"Okay, okay." 

Catra pauses for a moment.

Adora takes a breath. "You are the cutest,softest,littlespoonI'veevermet."

She says it fast enough that Catra takes a moment to understand.

Catra grabs Adora's wrists and pins them on either side of her head. 

Her face is suddenly very close to Adora's, and Adora feels breathless for a whole other reason.

"I," Catra begins, rising to her knees at Adora's side and putting more pressure on her wrists. "I was very comfy, ready to sleep, and here you are, calling me the little spoon. Admit I'm the knife so I can sleep in peace."

"Can't admit what isn't true," Adora somehow manages to say. Has Catra really always smelled this good?

Catra's glare cuts through the dark of the room. "Fine."

Catra swings her knee over, knudging it between Adora's knees. She then lets go of Adora's wrists and slides down, straightening out until she's nearly entirely on top of Adora, her head tucked comfortably on Adora's chest, both their legs straight. 

"There, now I'm the fucking knife."

There's a retort there, there really is. But Catra's so warm and Catra's weight feels so perfect and Catra's breath is gracing against Adora's bare arm, and Catra's shirt has ridden up, her warm stomach pressed against Adora's.

So Adora let's her arms drift up, wrapping around Catra's back. 

"Yeah," she manages. "You're the knife."

Catra's asleep in minutes, the fastest she's fallen asleep all week. Adora takes a lot longer before the soft rhythm of Catra's breath pull her under as well.

\---------

As a general rule, Angella liked to sit in on as many nutcracker rehearsals as she could, and Adora just so happened to know this. She also just so happened to know that the new budget reports were due in three weeks, which meant of course Angella was already working on them.

And if she knew her mom at all, she knew she was going to multitask.

Which is exactly how Adora found herself standing outside Angella's office door the next day, only five minutes before Catra's rehearsal time was scheduled to start.

She knocked softly and opened the door once she heard Angella's soft 'Come in.'

"Hello sweetheart," Angella said with a soft smile as Adora closed the door behind her.   
"Is everything going good?"

"Everything's great! I wanted to spend a little time with you, that's all." It's really not a lie. Maybe Adora is just also good at multitasking. 

Angella's face falls a little. "Oh Adora, I'm sorry. I have these reports to fill out and I have to be at the Clara and Prince rehearsal soon."

"I figured I could help with the reports! That way you can focus on the rehearsals! I can come with you so if I have any questions, you're right there."

Angella smiled and Adora felt a little busted. But maybe...

"That sounds lovely."

Adora beamed.

If Catra's surprised to see Adora at her rehearsals, she only shows it with a small confused expression. Adora gives her an exasperrated look and holds up the thick file of quarterly reports. Catra laughs and sticks her tongue out at her.

And maybe it's just the pep talk yesterday, or maybe Adora actually has something to do with it, but they manage to get through the whole pas de deux, several times. 

"You're doing much better, Catra." Than, the head choregrapher praises. "You're really starting to trust each other on those lifts, and that's the most important part. Whatever you've been doing, keep it up."

Catra nods and catches Adora's eye a moment later, a small smile gracing her lips. 

"You didn't really need to be in here helping me with the reports, did you?" Angella asks as they're stacking the folders back together to bring to Angella's office.

Adora grimaces. "Sorry."

Angella laughed and pulled Adora in for a quick hug. "While I do appreciate your help, you should sit in on the rehearsals for a little while longer, it looks like they really helped today."

Adora smiled. "I'll ask Catra."

So, Adora becomes a near-permanent fixture at Catra's rehearsals.   
\----------

Their touching becomes more constant throughout the day. It starts in their dorm room, when Adora notices Catra scooting her chair closer and closer to where Adora's sitting, or opting to study on Catra's now couch-bed with Adora, instead of at her desk as usual.

Catra's more likely to lean onto Adora's knee, or shoulder, when showing her something for math. She's more likely to press into Adora's side while they're brushing their teeth, trying to get Adora to laugh as she waggles her eyebrows.

It bleeds into their everyday lives too. Adora manages to get foam from her coffee up on her eyebrow and Catra leans over to wipe it off without a second glance. While waiting for class to start, Catra slumps against the wall and tosses her leg's into Adora's lap. 

Adora's not innocent in this either, she's just trying to let Catra set the pace, the boundaries.

Boundaries that very soon fade away. 

"You two are turning into an old married couple," Glimmer mutters one day.

Adora looks up from the muffin she and Catra are sharing, fork and all. 

"What do you mean?" She asks, eyebrows knitted together.

Bow tries to hide his laugh, quite unsuccessfully, and Glimmer doesn't even dignify Adora with a response.

And now with Adora at all of Catra's rehearsals, bringing Catra snacks when she texts Adora that she didn't have time to grab some from the cafeteria, making sure Catra runs through her cool down stretches, it's a lot.

They don't spend every second together, of course. It's just that when they are together, they're closer.

And maybe when they're apart, it is a little harder. Like right now. It's late, late enough for both Glimmer and Bow to have gone to bed and sent Adora back to her room, Glimmer mumbling about how they don't get Adora alone and then once they do she won't leave.

But Catra is still out with Scorpia, having dinner at Scorpia's moms. Adora was invited, but she found out that Lonnie worked nights and she wasn't ready to encroach on Scorpia and Catra's friendship. She wanted Catra to have that.

But now, alone in their room, the clock inching past midnight, Adora contemplated going to bed. But if she went to bed, would Catra still snuggle in with her when she got home? Would she do that if Adora was already asleep?

And then Adora wondered, as she twirled her pencil, essay abandoned in front of her, why did it bother her so much. They spent Saturday nights alone, when Adora would go home for their family dinners and Catra would either stay at the academy, or more and more often go home with Scorpia.

She was fine then, so she could be fine tonight, surely.

Adora sighed at herself. She was being dumb. And she was exhausted. At least with Scorpia and her moms she wasn't worried about Catra breaking curfew. As long as a parent walked you up to the night security guard you were fine. So it wasn't worry keeping her awake.

Adora tossed her pencil down onto her desk.

Screw it. She could go to sleep without Catra and whatever happened, happened.

Adora was feeling a lot less confident about that thought once the lights were out and she was surrounded by cold sheets instead of Catra's warm body. The normally small bed felt much, much too empty. She gets back up and goes over to Catra's bed, taking three of the pillows that had slowly accumulated over there. She gets back in bed and tucks them in where Catra usually goes. Then she faces the wall, pressing her back to them. 

It's not perfect, but it's better, and she manages to fall asleep.

She's woken by soft laughter. Catra's laughter. Adora blinks sleeping and turns. The lights are still off but she can smell peppermint and Catra's night lotion. 

"Is this your way of telling me I've been banished?" Catra whispers, gesturing at the pillows.

Adora huffs and does her best to kick them away. "No, I just couldn't sleep."

"So you stole all my pillows?" Catra teases, taking pity on Adora's sleepy and unaimed kicks to help her toss the pillows back to Catra's side.

"They're not yours--nevermind. I missed you. Where were you?" Adora's sleepy voice takes on a slightly whiney tone but hey, she missed her Catra. No wait, she missed her; Catra. That's what she meant, right?

"Sorry it's late, we all got a little too much wine and had to get an uber back with Anisha. They wanted us to just sleep there but,"

"But you came back," Adora says with a sleepy smile, latching onto Catra before she's even fully into the bed.

"Woah, scooch." Catra pushes halfheartedy at Adora, making her frown. "I can always go back to my side," Catra teases.

Adora lets go enough to scoot back and allow Catra in. "That was a mean threat," she whispers once Catra's head is on their pillow.

Ah, their pillow.

"You're very asleep still, aren't you?" Catra asks, bopping Adora slightly on the nose.

Adora lifts her head slightly into the touch and sighs. "Maybe."

"Do you want to be the big knife or the little knife tonight?" Catra asks with one arm tucked under her head, the other already draped over Adora's waist. 

"I wanna be just like this," Adora says as she tangles their legs together and pulls Catra closer, until her nose is squished into the hallow of Catra's neck. 

"Okay." Catra says, so softly. she tightens her arm around Adora's waist and wriggles her other arm until it acts as a pillow for Adora's head. 

"I missed you too," Catra whispers after a moment.

Adora hums a little at that. She's so warm now, so comfy. Oh wait, she had a thought earlier. The feeling of Catra's chest rising and falling with her breaths, the smell of wine that still clings to her neck, it's all very distracting. Even with her eyes closed, Catra's so damn distracting.

And it really is much harder with her eyes open. Catra's gorgeous, of course. And watching her toss her head back to laugh is always one of Adora's favorite things, but when she dances it's just beyond breath taking. Oh! Right. Dancing.

"Hey Catra," Adora breaths, her lips barely moving but brushing against Catra's neck as they do.

Catra inhales sharply. "Hey, Adora."

Adora wriggles a little closer. So warm. Right. Focus. "Do you like it when I come to your rehearsals? Do you want me to stop?"

Catra's quiet for a moment, but Adora can feel her hand lightly rubbing at her back, and she knows Catra's thinking.

"No. I like when you're there." A breath. "I want you there."

Adora manages to melt in her arms a little more. "Okay, I'll be there."

"You sure you don't have anything better to do?" Catra teases. But she presses her lips to the top of Adora's head after she says it.

Adora's life is perfect, she fully believes that. "Nothing's better than you."

"Go to sleep, Adora." 

\--------------------------------------------- 

So Adora keeps coming to Catra's rehearsals and it's nice, it really is. And maybe a couple of times, Catra manages to watch Adora's from the hall window. Usually that means Bow and Glimmer are there too, Glimmer making jokes and Bow taking meticulous notes that Catra just knows Adora will study way too intensively later. 

"So, Catra," Glimmer starts on one of those days, turning so the side of her body is pressed into the wall. 

"What."

"Just wondering how everything's going, with you know, you and Adora." Glimmer drags a finger along the windowsill while Bow chokes out a 'Glimmer!!'

Catra narrows her eyes. "Great. Peachy. We're planning to run away together to run a farm and raise animals."

Bow's head whips around to her and she scoffs.

"What do you think? We tolerate each other, it's great."

"Oh come on," Glimmer said, leaning in a little closer. "It's a little more than that, right?"

"Yea!" Bow chimes in, "You're friends!"

Catra catches Glimmer's eyeroll but Bow remained oblivious.

"Yeah." Catra deadpans. "We're the best of friends."

Rehearsal finishes inside and moments later Adora's bursting out the door, sweaty and flushed and still in her practice leotard. Catra is...completely unaffected.

"Catra!" Adora exclaims, throwing her arms around her.

"Ew, Adora," Catra says as she shoves her off, "you're all sweaty."

Adora laughs and turns towards Glimmer and Bow, trying to trap them with her sweaty arms as well.

"Is this the thanks we get for watching you?" Glimmer yelps as she ducks under an arm.

"Maybe," Adora pauses to think for a moment. "Did you take notes?"

"Duh," Bow says, handing them over.

"Then I'll let you be free from my reign of torment. Now come on, I'm so hungy."

"Oooo, let's go to the pizza place on fifth. We have time before curfew." Glimmer says, clapping her hands a little.

Bow shrugs. "I'm in."

"Me too!" Adora turns to Catra, "Catra?"

Catra hesitates. She really shouldn't go, she should study, she should not spend all her time with Adora, she should really probably go see Scorpia. But Scorpia had been spending a lot of time with Perfuma lately, and maybe she had already spent most of the day studying for a test that was days away, and maybe she ~was~ hungry... "I'm in, but you're buying."

"Deal!" Adora exclaims. "Give me like ten minutes to change, I'll be so fast."

"We have time, Adora." Glimmer says with a laugh. "And you should definitely shower first."

Catra laughs under her breath and Adora turns to glare at her. 

"Fine," Adora finally says. "Meet at the front door in half an hour?"

She barely waits to hear their agreement before sprinting off. Catra sighs and follows after. Maybe she could fit a quick nap in.

\---------------------------------

It was one of the fastest showers of Adora's life, and that was saying something considering the showers she used to take as a young child. She yanked on fresh clothes in the stall and gathered her dance clothes and towel into her arms to make her way back to the room. 

She was going to just kick the door open, but she had gotten a noise complaint the last time she did that, which Catra had absolutely cackled over and brought up at every possible moment for the next week.

So she sighed and reached out a hand to turn the knob. She was immediately very very grateful she had gone the civil-knob-route. 

Because Catra was asleep. So adorably asleep. And on Adora's bed. Which she guessed made sense. Because Catra never really slept in her own bed, but Adora just assumed that was when Adora was there, in that bed. She was hit with the sudden question of whether or not Catra slept in Adora's bed when Adora left on Saturday nights. 

She dropped the dirty clothes into her hamper and quietly picked up her brush, watching as Catra's chest rose and fell. With Adora out of the bed, Catra was nearly curled around the pillow, on top of the covers--she had always been warm when sleeping. 

She was so, so adorable. Tears prick at Adora's eyes and she hastily wiped them away, appalled for a moment at how ridiculous she's being. Catra's just sleeping. But it's the fact that she's here, in Adora's bed, in Adora's ~life~ that makes it so special. She never thought she'd get Catra back at all, let alone this much of her. It made her want to forget the world and curl up around Catra and let everything pass over them.

It made her want to press her face into Catra's neck and promise her forever, like they did when they were younger. The feeling hit her chest so fast and so hard that the grip on her brush weakened and the brush clattered to the ground.

Catra groaned and stirred. "Adora?" 

Her sleepy voice was even raspier than normal and Adora flushed bright red.

"Oh, hi Catra. Uh, sorry to wake up I just, dropped my brush." She bent down to pick it up and Catra stretched, yawning wide.

Adora just managed to not drop the brush again.

"Are you almost ready?" Catra asked, her voice still heavy with sleep.

"Yeah, almost."

Catra sighed dramatically, "Fine, I guess I'll get up then." She flopped out of the bed, all long limbs, and Adora laughed.

"Thank you for coming with us, by the way. I like when you want to hang out with Glimmer and Bow."

Catra cocked her head to the side, the picture of innocence. "I'm just in it for the free pizza." She gave Adora a wink and Adora flushed.

"Please tell me you don't still like anchovies."

"They're the best topping!" Catra exclaimed, suddenly very much awake.

Adora laughed. She finished with her hair and grabbed a hoodie. "They're absolutely not the best topping."

"It's not my fault you don't know taste," Catra huffed, grabbing a hoodie from her bed as well.

"Hey, that's mine," Adora said, gesturing towards the Brightmoon logo on it, from junior year.

"And?" Catra smirked. "What are you going to do, pull it off me?"

Adora flushed yet again, "N-no."

"That's what I thought," Catra said with a wink, and then she was gone, leaving Adora to scramble out the door after her.

\-------

Of course, the hoodie is the first thing Bow and Glimmer notice, and of course Adora has to blush again, but Catra just tells them that she is too lazy to do laundry and they shrug it off. Except Adora knows Catra is incredibly meticulous about laundry, and that she has several of her own clean hoodies in her dresser.

As they walk Bow leans against Glimmer ahead of them, and after a while Catra slips her arm between Adora's. 

"You're shivering," Catra mumbles when Adora's head whips around to look at her.

"Oh, I didn't notice."

"Of course you didn't," Catra says with an eyeroll. She presses herself harder into Adora's side. "To keep you warm," she mumbles when Adora looks over at her.

Catra ducks her head to keep the flush from creeping up. 

Bow holds the door and follows in behind them, a happy little grin stuck on his face that makes Catra just have to stick her tongue out at him. Bow and Glimmer argue over their toppings dramatically while Adora just fixes Catra with a stare.

Catra can totally read it. 'Please, after everything we've gone through, please don't make me put anchovies on the pizza.'

So Catra sends her a stare right back. 'This is my one joy, my one comfort, my one wish and desire in life.'

Adora rolls her eyes. She sighs. She tugs Catra up to the counter. Catra smiles. It feels good to win.

"Wait," Glimmer says as she and Bow get in line behind them. "Was that an entire conversation."

Adora frowns, "Yeah, why?"

"You didn't say anything!"

Adora shrugged, "We've had the same argument so many times why even bother."

"Yeah," Catra said smugly. "Adora knows she'll lose anyway."

Adora opens her mouth to argue back but after a moment ends up closing it and stepping up to the counter to order, anchovies and all.

Catra doesn't miss the way Glimmer leans closer to Bow and whispers 'whipped'.

The pizza is good, and the way Adora brings Catra into conversations, the way Bow and Glimmer lean forward when she talks, actually interested in what she has to say, is better. And Catra's known it for a while, but she finally admits it, amongst the laughter and the smell of baking bread and the warmth of Adora's hoodie around her; she's happy here. 

\-------------------------------------

They're in Adora's bed one night, Adora curled up facing the wall with her legs tangled with Catra's and her hand wound tight around Catra's own, pulling it tight around her. Even though Catra is shorter, Adora's head is tucked under her chin, the little knife for the night. Catra can feel each deep breath she takes, can feel the exhales brush against their joined hands. And she's just hit with this enormous feeling that makes her breath hitch. She still loves Adora. She's always loved Adora. Adora, of course, feels the movement and grumbles, pressing back further into Catra and turning her head a bit.

"Catra?" It's barely a word, she's still so asleep.

And it makes Catra melt.

"Shh, go back to sleep."

Well. Fuck.


	12. Will You Kiss Me On The Stage In Front Of All Your Stupid Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay listen i KNOW the nutcracker doesnt have this pas de deux but it's more fun to make catra clara than to make her the sugar plum fairy so this is how its going to be. sorry balanchine. 
> 
> this made me smile editing it so i hope it makes you smile too

It's been a week since the Great Realization, and Catra finds that she can't get back in Adora's bed after that. It just doesn't feel right. She l-. She lo-.

She.

She L-words Adora.

So she comes up with excuse after excuse. She spends too long at Scorpia's and this time does sleep there. She falls asleep in the library, and tells Adora it was so late when she got back that she didn't want to wake Adora, so she climbed into her own bed. She very quickly runs out of valid excuses, and it's obvious. 

Adora looks hurt, but Catra says that nutcracker rehearsals are getting harder and she needs a better nights sleep. In her own bed. As if that could in any fathomable way be better than falling asleep in Adora's arms. But Adora's too hurt, too wide-eyed, to notice the lie.

And then suddenly it's thanksgiving. They don't get the week off. They barely get the weekend. But the start of nutcracker performances is less than a month away, and the dancers and teachers alike are nervous enough taking two days off.

Except for Catra. Because time off means time away from Adora, and as much as that hurts, the lying hurts worse. She hugs Adora goodbye on Wednesday afternoon because Adora looked at her with those big blue eyes, halfway to the door with her own bag, and Catra couldn't say no.

"See you Saturday?" Adora asked, fiddling with the strap on her bag.

"Bright and early for rehearsal," Catra says with a groan. 

Adora nods, her lips pressed together. And Catra knows there is more, but she can't ask. Because Adora will want to know why and Catra can't tell her why without also telling her the truth. And telling her the truth also means telling her that everything, the hugs and the touches and the time, has meant more to Catra than it could ever mean to Adora. And that feels wrong. Like Catra's used Adora's kindness.

So the silence is much, much, better. 

Really.

\--------------------------

Adora does her best to push Catra's newfound coldness aside. She's probably just stressed, from nutcracker being so close. From rehearsals being so frequent. But Adora knows Catra's patterns when stressed. And this isn't it. 

But Glimmer was serious about beating Catra up if she ever hurt Adora again, and Adora definitely does not want that, so she shoves that little growing feeling of hurt way, way, down and instead lets herself fall into Micah's warm hugs. 

They pull out old recipes and make grocery store trips, only three this year, which is down two from last year, and all groan when Micah accidentally plays the russian music from the nutcracker. And the whole time Adora's phone sits quiet in her pocket, cold and still.

\-------------------------

Catra has never really been one for holidays, but Scorpia invites Entrapata over too, and between the four of them and Scorpia's moms, the house is full and happy. Entrapta insists on tiny food, and so Catra painstakingly makes 24 teeny tiny pies for all of them. 

Pinca points out she could have made a couple tiny ones for Entrapta, and a normal sized one for the rest of them. Catra looks up from the 23 tiny rose she has thus far crafted out of pie crust and glares, and Pinca very wisely backs away. 

The meal on Thursday is beautiful, and lovely, and delicious. The house is warm, Scorpia makes them all wear turkey hats she has been secretly knitting all month. Catra can't remember the last time she laughed so much in a day. 

But the whole time her hand keeps drifting towards her phone, her thumb running along the side of it. She wants to, she wants to so badly.

But she lo-. Fuck. She,you know,   
l  
o  
v  
e  
s

Adora, and Adora doesn't love her. Not in the same way. She doesn't even have to ask to know the truth in that. So it would be cruel. Unfair. Wrong. To keep accepting the closeness Adora has given her. It means more to Catra, and that's not fair to Adora, so she has to push her away. She has to.

And they may not be actually together right now, but the texts...it would be too much.

Late thursday night Catra sends one text, a happy thanksgiving, with the appropriate emojis, to Adora.

She gets a response nearly immediately. It includes a 'miss you.' 

Catra turns her phone off for the rest of the break.

\---------------------

This thanksgiving break is one of the best yet, really. Micah gets both days off of work. Angella only goes into the studio once. Bow and his dads and five of his brothers come to join them on Thanksgiving day, bringing too many dishes to count and stories of history that leave Adora full long into the night. 

It's warm, it's cozy, it's full of laughter and life and love. But it's missing Catra. And that fact wiggles like a cold dark spear into Adora's heart and no matter what, she can't seem to shake it. It's not like before, it's not.

They're not scared eleven year olds, each reaching across the expanse of a city and not knowing if the other is reaching back. But it kind of feels like that. Or maybe that's what Adora tells herself in order to ignore the fact that this time, it seems like Catra isn't reaching back.

Or maybe the wine is making Adora dramatic.

She sets the glass down and sighs, turning her attention back to the story Lance is telling, waving his arms dramatically while his sons watch with rapt attention. Lance finishes his story with a flourish and it draws a laugh even out of Adora.

"Is it hot chocolate time?" Glimmer asks, turning her wide eyes to her mom, who looks absolutely comfortable and not at all ready to move in the large armchair she has somehow fit Micah in there with her.

Angella sighs dramatically and Adora giggles. "I suppose so...help me Adora?"

"Of course!" Adora springs up. She and Angella work on new hot chocolate recipes all year, one for Thanksgiving and one later for the solstice. They had a nutmeg and ginger one for today, with little chocolate cages Adora had painstakingly made in secret last night while Angella had distracted Glimmer and Micah.

Adora helps Angella clear the plates and follows her into the kitchen, pulling out the ingredients while Angella loads everything into the sink.

"Adora," Angella says softly when they pass each other, her hand coming to a rest on Adora's shoulder.

Adora gives her best 'everything is absolutely fine' smile.

"A smile won't tie you together forever," Angella reminds her gently.

Adora sighs, letting the smile and her shoulders fall. "It's Catra again."

"Well," Angella says, turning to grab a clean pot for the stove. "Nothing like getting it off your chest while making some of the world's best hot chocolate."

Adora's heart glows. She really had gotten so beyond lucky.

"It's Catra," Adora starts as she begins to zest the nutmeg. 

"I thought things were going so well for you two."

"They were!" Adora exclaims. "We had gotten really close again. Like really close," she mutters. 

"And now?"

"I don't know. She's distant again. I mean, I've only gotten ONE text and we last saw each other over twenty four hours ago!"

Angella laughs, "You don't need to always be in contact with someone, you know."

Adora rolls her eyes. "Micah will call you once every three hours when you're away on business trips."

"That's because we are married, and he misses me. That's love."

Adora chooses to ignore that comment. Instead she sighs. "We were just communicating so well, I wish I knew what was wrong. It was like a switch flipped."

"Did Weaver get in touch with her again, or did something happen?" Angella asks with a frown.

"Not that I know of, and I think Lonnie would have told me if she had, unless Catra didn't tell Lonnie or Scorpia either and now she's trying to deal with it all alone and,"

"Adora!" Angella sets down the chocolate and places both her hands gently over Adora's own, where the grater had gone through the nutmeg and was now about to start on Adora's fingers. "Breathe."

In. Out. "Right," Adora gives a sheepish smile. "Sorry."

"No apologies needed, my love. Now I say, you give Catra the two days off, and think hard about what you want to say to her, to let her know you're here, but can give her space if she needs, and then tell her Friday night when you both return. But for now, I know 10 people in there who will be very pleased with your chocolate cages. Why don't we bring them out."

Right. Waiting. Preparing. Planning. Adora could do all of that. She totally could.

\------------------------------

Lonnie flopped her entire ass body down across Catra's lower back. Catra HAD been comfortable lounging on the spare fouton where she slept, belly full, body lazy. 

She let out a very undignified OOMF and then hissed, twisting her body to glare at Lonnie. 

"Relax kitty-cat." Lonnie said with a laugh, making no effort to move.

"Get off!" Catra exclaimed.

"No," Lonnie said, wiggling a bit so she settled in more. "This is an intervention."

Catra hissed again. "For what."

"For why you suddenly stopped talking to Adora. Scorpia says her big blue eyes look sad." Lonnie gave an exaggerated pout.

Catra shoved at her face. "Shut up."

"But for real. And you seem sad too. And you haven't been glued to your phone texting her like you usually are when you're here. So what gives. Did you two have a fight? Lovers quarrel?"

"No," Catra grumbled as she shoved her face into her pillow. "And we're not lovers."

Lonnie rolled off Catra so she was sprawled out next to her at least. Catra contemplated getting up to flee, but the apartment was small and as fast as Catra was, Lonnie had always been pretty good at catching her.

"So that's what this is," Lonnie says, like it's the plainest most obvious fact in the world and not something earth shifting. "You love Adora."

Catra held back her third hiss. "Maybe," she gritted out, "but it doesn't fucking matter because she doesn't love me back."

Lonnie burst into laughter. Well. Catra hadn't been expecting THAT. 

"You're kidding, right?" Lonnie asks, looking over at Catra.

Catra still had her face buried in the pillow, air becoming less and less available, but she felt the urge to also cover her face with her hands.

Suddenly Lonnie sat up, tugging at Catra's shoulder to turn her over. "Wait, are you serious? You really don't think Adora loves you back?"

Catra scowled and flopped herself back over. "I know it for a fact."

"Did you...ask her?"

"No."

"Did she tell you that?"

"No."

"So."

"She doesn't need to tell me with her words for me to know it's true." Catra grumbled.

Lonnie let out a soft breath. "Wow I thought Adora was the dumb one but you're both just fucking bricks." Lonnie giggled. "If you two weren't so dense you could be fucking ea-"

Catra whipped the pillow out from under her head and slammed it into Lonnie's face so fast she impressed even herself. 

"Alright, alright," Lonnie said as she picked herself up from the floor. "No sex jokes...yet."

Unfortunately Catra was out of pillows to throw. She growled instead.

"Okay, okay, just...think about it. Because I've known you two pretty much our whole lives, and from what I've seen, she does love you back. Just, keep that in mind."

"Fine."

"Love you, Catra."

"Call me when they start serving pie," Catra grumbled.

And Lonnie left with a laugh.

\-------------------------------------------------

Catra, for all intents and purposes, did NOT confess her love to Adora the moment she returned Friday night. Firstly because Lonnie, as smart as she was, was WRONG. And secondly, Adora wasn't even there. Which seemed a little weird, because Catra had waited until the last minute at 9:59pm to rush into the building with Scorpia, just scraping in for curfew. 

Adora was here...somewhere. Her bag had been unpacked meticulously, as always. No sign of her packed items sprawled out like Catra knew Scorpia had done in her own room. But Adora's phone charger had been plugged back in, and that was the giveaway. 

By the time Catra had gotten ready for bed, Adora still wasn't back...also odd. And it left Catra with the decision: climb into Adora's bed, or sleep in her own. She took a couple of steps towards her own. It already looked cold and foreign. But it was hers...and if Adora wasn't here...and she was trying to give her space anyway...she really should be in her own bed, shouldn't she. 

She stood there for so long that she jumped when Adora finally flung the door to their dorm room open, just managing to catch it before it slammed into the wall. They really did not need another noise complaint.

Adora winced, "Sorry." She quietly shut the door and then stood there, awkwardly placing her hands on her hips and looking nearly anywhere but Catra.

And Catra wanted to hug her so. So. Bad.

"Where have you been?" Catra asked instead, just as awkwardly.

"Oh," Adora said, finally looking at Catra. "With Bow and Glimmer. We were watching movies in the library and the time just slipped away.

"Ah."

"Yeah."

Fuck. Did they really regress all the way back to September-level awkwardness?

"Okay, well I was just about to head to bed," Catra said.

"Oh! Right, right. I'll be quiet."

"Adora," Catra says softly.

Adora's eyes jump back to hers. "Yeah?"

A long pause. "I don't know which bed to sleep in," Catra says it so softly she wonders for a moment if Adora hears it.

But Adora visibly relaxes, her face softening and her hands dropping from her hips. "Oh. Whichever bed you want. I figured you might be overwhelmed after the holiday so I was trying to give you space."

A frustrated laugh threatens to bubble up from Catra's chest but she holds it in. Of course Adora was trying to give her space. Even though it was the last thing Catra wanted, it was all she seemed to be telling Adora. 

"Thanks, but it's cold tonight. Do you mind?" Catra points at Adora's bed.

"No!" Adora manages to say through the smile growing on her face. "Not at all. Get comfy, I'll be back just as soon as I brush my teeth."

Catra smiles at how Adora grabs her bathroom bag and practically sprints out the room. Adora may not want her, not like Catra wants Adora, but it felt good to be back to this, at least.

\-----------------------------------------

Saturday morning began early for Catra. She had a full day, including pas de deux rehearsals with Niem before normal class started at 9, and that meant she wanted to go over her own parts and stretch beforehand. Which altogether meant she woke up at 5:30. Am. 

No one could ever say Catra didn't fucking love ballet. 

And to make everything harder, she had missed Adora. Missed her like a lot. And here Adora was, asleep next to Catra, face soft and breaths even. Arms loosly draped, one under Catra's body and one over her stomach. Leaving this hurt more than dancing on pointe when her big toe nail had accidentally grown out a little too long.

Or maybe Catra was being dramatic.

Adora let out a soft sigh and shifted closer.

No, this definitely hurt worse.

Lonnie's words flashed through Catra's head for a moment, before the undeniable guilt followed. Fuck, she forgot. Adora. Wasn't. Hers.

Catra slipped out from Adora's grasp, and watched as the blonde grumbled for a moment before rolling a little further into the spot Catra left. 

5:38. Shit.

\----

The best way to ignore the very real problems Catra should probably be mulling over? Throw herself into rehearsals. Fully. Which unfortunately, also included throwing herself into Niem's arms. 

"You know Catra," Niem said as they walked together to the pas de deux rehearsal, both having the idea to practice on their own beforehand. "I've never dropped anyone ever. And over beak I practiced our dance with my boyfriend, who is definitely taller and heavier than you, and still, not a single drop."

He tossed a teasing smile at Catra and she had to say, it helped a little. 

"I do trust that...but what if I approach the lift wrong, or am a count late? It's not always going to be your fault when I fall."

"When? Such little faith. And if you are late, or early, or too fast, or too far away, I'll correct it. That's part of the pas de deux. We're in it together."

Catra let out a breath. They had reached the rehearsal studio. "Right."

"Right. So, can you trust both of us, to do this together?"

Maybe the issue hadn't been not trusting Niem, but not trusting herself.

"Yes. I think I can."

"Then let's go show them the best damn pas de deux they've ever seen."

\-----------------------------------------

The buzz after thanksgiving is always Adora's favorite part of the year. She knows the expectations are high, the stress even higher, but Adora likes to think she thrives in those environments. They all arrive early to 9am rehearsal, of course they do. They're Brightmoon ballerinas, the best in the city. (Plus everyone has thanksgiving gossip to catch up on. A surprising amount can happen in two days away.) 

But Adora isn't interested in the stress meltdowns, or the gossip over who went home to whose family. She is enthralled. Because Catra is doing a final run through. The music had started seconds after Adora had arrived, and she hasn't taken her eyes off since. 

It was unusual, for Clara and the Prince to dance a pas de deux, but theirs was short and light, an ode to the magic and mystery of the nutcracker. Adora watches with rapt attention as Clara and Niem spin together, before Niem is leaping off stage and Catra begins her own section of the music, her feet light, her face glowing. 

Adora is enamored. More of the students begin to watch as well, as Catra finishes her promenade and Niem leaps out, the music picking up tempo as he begins a series of leaps. The more rowdy audiences would clap along at this point, as the tempo speeds up a bit more and Catra joins Niem on stage for the last part of the pas. The feeling is energetic, and Adora's heart glows as Catra dances perfectly, not missing a step.

The last big lift is coming, but so far Catra had done every bit of the partner work perfectly, letting Niem pull her off balance through an arabesque, falling into his arms out of a turn, trusting him to spin her around for each pirouette. 

Catra spins and Niem leaps to opposite sides of the stage, and Adora's breath hitches. They begin their jaunty little steps to the middle, the music growing. Every student has their eyes glued to the windows of the practice room as Niem and Catra meet. Niem is quick to flip Catra up and onto his shoulder, his hands securely on her hips as Catra lifts her legs and arms in a cradle. 

The big moment, and they had done it perfectly. Adora can't help her excited little clap. Niem gracefully rolls Catra down, into another arabesque, and they finish the turn sequence in perfect sync.

The music ends with a flourish and Catra and Niem hold their positions for a moment before straightening up. With a nod from the choreographer, clearly pleased with their work, Catra and Niem break into a hug. Adora can see Niem saying something, and Catra rolling her eyes but smiling, and then they're heading for the door.

Adora can't wait, but she knows Catra, so she makes herself. The students are buzzing when Niem steps out first, followed by a much quieter Catra.

Adora's so excited that she grabs Catra into a tight hug and then steps back, clasping one hand tightly while reaching the other up to cup her cheek and press their foreheads together for a quick moment, the same way they used to show each other when they were younger that yes; I am here for you. Yes, I am so proud of you. Yes, just. Yes.

\--------------------------------

Catra's world freezes.

Catra should have known something like this would happen. They had been getting closer after all. And Adora had always been touchy. She was touchy with Bow and Glimmer; hanging on their shoulders and holding their hands. But this feels different. Of course it does. And sure, maybe they had held hands before, while watching movies. Maybe they slept more nights than not pressed up against each other, arms and legs and hair entangled. 

But this was different. Because this time everyone was watching. It had been bad enough that Catra had to do her rehearsal in front of everyone, which was somehow worse in her head than actually performing on stage would be, because this time everyone had been there to hear the critiques. 

Time unfroze.

Catra rips her hands out from Adora's and turns away. Then she's gone.

\------------------

Adora can't believe it. Or, well. Maybe she can. Catra had never really been one for PDA, no matter what form it took. Plus the stress of nutcracker...plus the whole weird thing they had just gotten out of. In hindsight, definitely a bad idea.

None of that stops Adora from shoving her bag into Glimmer's hands and muttering that she'd be back in time before class started, before sprinting off after Catra. 

\--------------------------

Adora finds Catra in the stairwell. Catra didn't go far, of course. No matter how upset she gets, no matter how mad she gets at herself, she's past the days of jeopardizing her dancing career. So yes, she didn't go far. Just far enough to be out of Adora's reach, she'd hoped. 

"Catra?" Adora's soft voice starts, followed by slow steps up the stairs to the window that Catra has managed to wedge herself into. It's not a bench, just a narrow sill, but Catra's always been good at this.

"Are you okay?"

Just like Catra's always been bad at this. She squeezes her eyes tightly closed. Breath in, breath out.

She remembers what Lonnie said, of course she remembers it, but her friend saying something doesn't magically make it true. 

"It can't be like this, Adora. Whatever we are, it's going to get us in trouble. Again."

Adora takes a step back. Catra's eyes are still shut tightly, but she can hear the whisper of her slippers against the concrete stair, the one place in Brightmoon Academy not bright and shiny. Maybe that's why Catra gravitates towards it. It's rough. Unfinished. 

"What do you mean?" Adora whispers.

Catra finally opens her eyes, to send an exasperated glare down to Adora. "What we've been doing!" She exclaims, throwing her hands up before snatching them back, mad at the emotion she's shown. She tucks them against her sides. 

"What we've been doing," Catra repeats, calmer now. "The cuddling. The handholding. You bring me breakfast and wait outside my rehearsals. Fuck, Adora, you almost fought that random girl the other week on my behalf."

Adora sputters. "Well she was RUDE to you!"

"Adora," Catra groans and runs her hands through her hair. "That's what girlfriends do."

Adora freezes. "But I'd do that for Bow and Glimmer too." 

Catra sighs. This is harder than it should be. Why can't Adora just accept it? Catra knows the answer immediately; because she was Adora. "But you don't look the same. You get this, different face when it's about me. And people have noticed and,"

"Catra, I really don't know what you're talking about." Adora's voice is tense, her words quick and rushed. 

God this girl really was dumb. 

"Adora, look." Catra finally lifts her forehead from where she has been pressing it against the cold concrete of the windowsill and turns towards Adora. "I know you missed me and all but things are different now and I just don't think what we're doing now is going to help either of us."

"What?"  
Confidence, Catra. Confidence. "Whatever we felt for each other once, when we were young and dumb kids, is gone and we have to figure out what we are now. And you have your family to love and care for and I just don't think you should be dragging me into your new life when it's clear you already have everyone you need. You're going to wake up one day soon, probably when this semester is over, and realize that this was just some attempt to redo the teenage years we lost. But we're not young teenagers anymore and it's normal for childhood friends to grow apart."

Silence. 

Then Adora explodes. "What are you talking about? I've always needed you! I was such a mess after I got adopted because my heart was so incredibly broken that I didn't think I'd ever be able to love someone again! This isn't some attempt to redo anything, it's me trying to do something for me, for once in my life. To actually make myself happy, because you are the one person who, despite all of this," Adora waves her hands at Catra's hunched position, "makes me happier than anyone else combined."

Catra frowns. "I make you happy?"

"Yes! Well, usually! And I don't get why you're doing all this because for a while there, I thought I made you happy too." Adora's voice is quiet now, the fight gone. 

"You do make me happy," Catra whispers.

"Then why Catra? Why all this?"

Fuck. The tears choose to come NOW? Catra squeezes her eyes shut and presses the palm of her hands into them.

"Catra."

"It's because I love you Adora." Catra finally says in a rush.

"Catra, I love you too. You know that."

Catra can't help but let out a small scoff. "No. I love you like Glimmer clearly loves Bow. Like I want to hold your stupid hand and take you on stupid dates that make you happy and when we fall asleep I want it to mean what it's always meant to me, but it doesn't, and that was wrong to you, and I'm sorry."

The. Silence. Is. Unbearable.

"You love me like that?"

Catra is certain that Adora is only here to draw out this pain of existing on earth in her presence as long as fucking possible.

"I've always loved you like that."

Quiet. Footsteps. Then Adora's soft hands circling around Catra's own, gently tugging them away from her face.

Adora's eyes are so big and blue but her face is smiling and it just doesn't make sense. 

"I've always loved you like that too."

Catra suddenly can't breathe. All she can feel is Adora, around her. Adora, in her head. Adora, in front of her, eyes looking softly down into Catra's, hands feather light against Catra's own. Adora. It's always been Adora.

"Can I kiss you?" 

Catra can only nod, and close her eyes, and hold tightly to Adora's hands as their lips finally press together in the softest kiss Catra has ever experienced. 

She presses forward more, and Adora does the same, one hand reaching down behind Catra's back to pull her a little closer.

It's all Catra's ever wanted. To be loved back by Adora. To get to show her how much Catra actually cares for her. It's a little overwhleming. Catra pulls back after a moment and rests her forehead against Adora's own.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers.

"This better not be an apology for the best kiss of my life."

Catra snorts, "That was the best kiss of your life?" 

"Of course. It was with you."

"Hm. Can't argue with that. But no, I'm sorry for putting us through all of my bullshit. I can't believe you love me."

"Well," Adora says as she starts pressing soft kisses against Catra's cheeks. "You're forgiven. So no more apologies. And I think we're about to officially be late for class."

That puts Catra into motion. "Shit, right." She jumps off the windowsill and pulls Adora into a tight hug, burying her face into her neck and inhaling.

"I promise we will talk about all of this later," Catra says. "But right now I run faster and there is no way I'm going to be late for class."

Adora just laughs and lets Catra pull her up the steps after her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spell check continues to elude me so i apologize for any typos

**Author's Note:**

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
> New question pls answer:  
> are there any former ballerinas in the crowd absolutely HAUNTED by nutcracker music? Like, it's november and you're in line at Target and waltz of the flowers comes on and you just lose it. you can't do it. nutcracker party entrance music starts playing and you want to fckn cry in the grocery aisle. The Battle music starts to play and you reach for your wooden rifle in the middle of a barnes and noble. am i the only one? please tell me i'm not alone.   
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> I love being gay. 
> 
> I have a lot more written and if this goes over well I'll keep posting it. mostly im writing this for me but i crave that Good Validation.


End file.
